We Used to Wait
by MaeMay
Summary: Two ordinary people trying to make sense of their lives. AU. Bella/Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

_**We Used to Wait, Ch.1**_

A ceiling fan on low woke me with its distant and rounding whooshes of air.

The heat here—I noted after the first two days of culture shock—was entirely incomparable to what my body was accustomed to in the burning city of Phoenix, Arizona. I felt as if the humidity on the big island would drown me if the surrounding ocean didn't. There was also the issue of rain, the _unpredictable_ rain that had kept me up for hours the first night I spent in my new home and thus trapped inside during the downpours that came and went, leaving rainbows and my tiredness behind.

For now, as summer neared, it was the humidity I fought against with the spinning six bladed wooden fan staring back at me and the sheets kicked down to my feet. My eyes followed one blade on the fan in particular, the thought of my across the sea move dangling a feeling of homesickness so that it settled like a weight on my chest. I hated that perception when I was so completely filled and sure that this was what I wanted. I shouldn't be having these reflections proceeded by labored breaths if I was so sure of my decision. So as to separate these feelings, I concluded, that it wasn't home I missed, but rather all that I was used to in my daily routines which now needed to be reconstructed.

_Reconstructed. I can do reconstructed._

The time change of two hours behind in Honolulu had me awake well before my alarm, and when the beeping finally started, it caused me to jump out of my skin and my heart to very alertly thump with more conviction, so much so that startled butterflies were freed within my stomach. Reposing myself, I flapped my hand around until it caught and found the silence button to the alarm, a movement on the right side of the bed catching my attention as a small head appeared followed by chocolate eyes, the face coming to rest on my belly.

My voice sounded a bit congested and scratchy as I greeted the staring lump with a, "Hi, Beau."

I was met with a soft bark and a sloppy lick to my arm.

Instinctively I wrinkled my nose, choosing to instead scratch his belly as he rolled onto his back with his four legs in the air and tail wagging. Beau had been Phil's idea (Renee was partial to it, I was exhilarated and only—_only_—slightly parallel to a kid on Christmas Day) to get my own lab as a source of protection from a robber or whatever else so that I wasn't entirely helpless in my new home. My far, far away home.

I once had a pet hamster when I was nine but that was as far as things like that went with Renee who worshipped her upholstery and 'crème blu' carpet far too much to own any pets. She also may have mentioned something about allergies. So it was obvious in my mind she only agreed to buy Beau with Phil as a surprise parting gift because that same dog would be two states and an ocean away with _me_. It wasn't until I brought Beau home that I discovered he wasn't necessarily the best guard dog when he frequently hid under my bed during thunderstorms, head under paws. The most I got out of him was company and having someone to talk to and follow me around.

"How the heck can you put up with this humidity, Beau?" I whined, fingers splaying against his thin dark coat. "You—" I must've been on pins in needles due to the pre-anxiety of starting my new job, because much like before when the alarm sounded, my heart jumped to my throat when the shrill of a ringing phone started with no warning, causing me to yelp. Beau's ear shot up.

After a string of curses, I searched under my pillows for the rather complex yet tiny piece of metal that I answered with a click of a button. "Hello?"

"Hi, sweets."

I inspected my nails with no enthusiasm at whose voice greeted me, chewing off the corners of one before replying tediously, "Hey, mom."

"Did you get the rest of the boxes I sent you?"

"Sure did." Three decently sized boxes, _boxes_ that were practically my size, sat cramped in my room, filled with all else I hadn't already shipped over from my childhood home and college-life apartment.

"All unpacked, then?"

My eyes steadily surveyed those same boxes, and the open flaps filled with clothes and books and curtains and wires overflowing from them suggested that I wasn't even close. Shrugging, I replied, "Sure am," as a lie for the sake of appeasing her. I would get around to it.

"Well… good. Miss you, Bella."

"You too."

"Call me and tell me how your first day goes."

"Sure, mom. Bye."

Not long after the slightly ephemeral and always short phone call did I remove myself from bed to get started on the day I'd practically been burning with pleasure over for the past month. That burning pleasure, once full of newness and exhilaration, now hit me with the high anxiety I wore myself over whenever I was in such an extreme state of nervousness.

First day of my life-long career, it could only go so bad.

The shower and the clothes all passed far too quickly and no matter how long I stared at the creamed bagel in my hand, my stomach still protested against it and would only accept orange juice.

It was sunny when I finally left, and sprinkling rain when I got to the bus stop down the street from my condominium.

The office was a quick ten minute drive into the city from where I lived. For the past few days I explored the town to get a feel of it so that I wouldn't look more out of place than I already did with my pale skin—which was exceptionally a lot. I only took to exploring Honolulu and not the surrounding cities outside of it. A girl could only pay so much for bus fare. At least the beach was close. I could hear the waves at night and see those same waves from the twenty first floor of the shorefront building my office was on.

Walking into a job on the first day with a high-ranked position made me feel small and insecure. My major had been decided ever since I was a child and my dream job was being lived now, at only twenty three, and it was hard for me to accept that reality. It was a year ago—almost an exact year ago—that I graduated from Arizona State with an English degree with the ideal goal of working for a publishing company as a book editor.

Surprisingly, Charlie had gotten me this job. And appropriately enough Rebecca Black was the one who started that same publishing company with a partner three years ago. Who knew it could thrive so well in the urban city of Honolulu? It was a small and tight knit company, she had told me over the phone, and was still in the stages off transitioning into a business. She had faith and apparently so did I.

I risked moving my whole life out here to be an editor. And a part of me needed to get away. The opportunity was too good not to pass up.

The secretary greeted me by name after I stepped out of the elevator and proceeded to lead me through the many desks and meeting rooms surrounded by large glass windows and wooden paned panels, inside those rooms long tables with people in them, papers covering those tables, to Rebecca's office in the back.

Many people rushed passed us until my name was called out.

"Bella!"

She approached us from behind, a stack of papers cradle in her arms. "Rebecca, hi." I didn't remember much about her, but that beautiful russet skin I could pick up anywhere, and the two dark freckles above her right eye I could remember remarkably from childhood visits. A child's face from memory now blurred into what it had been transformed to as her more adult one the longer I stared. "It's great to finally see you."

"You, too! You look so different." She smiled as her eyes lit up, almost as if she was remembering my younger, much awkward self. I hoped there was at least some change a decade later. She dismissed the secretary with a polite _Thank you_ and then reached for my arm and took over leading me through the people and messes once more. "Let me take you to your office and then we can catch up over lunch? Things are hectic on Mondays and I don't have much time to chat"—on cue someone yelled her name—"but meet me back in my office at noon and I'll take you to the best venue in town."

I nodded, hoping my stomach would be nerves and butterfly free by then. Rebecca's kindness was already helping.

"Here's your office." She led me into a quiet room in the back, another woman already seated at one of the two computers. "And here's your desk." It was the empty, desolate desk opposite the other occupant. "This is Laney, she's an agent who will be bringing in the books for you by your request of which ones you choose to edit. For now just get acquainted. There's a meeting later at three, Laney will show you the way. Nice to see you again, Bella, sorry I have to rush out of here. Thanks for coming out."

With that she was gone and I was calling out unsurely, "Right. Sure. Thanks. Bye."

I sank into the chair, setting my purse aside and noticing that my feet dangled above the ground. Soft sounds of voices drifted in as I greeted Laney with a "Hi" and noticed upon further findings that she was Hawaiian, her hair long and wavy just like Rebecca's but her skin a much different—yet still beautiful—darker, deeper color.

"Hi," she responded in a strong voice, much unlike my small one. Her smile was the friendliest I'd seen. "Looks like it's just us two, huh? So…where are you from?"

/

The smell of fresh seafood was tremendously nauseating.

The venue Rebecca spoke of was a mix of seafood and Hawaiian barbequed vegetables, chickens, and rice. The rice and vegetables were all I could handle. Rebecca warned me more than once that I'd have to accept the seafood. It was a big delicacy here. I didn't mind the crab or shrimp. It was the other things in shells I would have to adjust to.

"Do you remember the last time we saw each other? It had to be almost a decade ago." Rebecca started the conversation after the rush to eat had died down. We both leaned back into our seats, I was uncomfortably full now. My appetite had come back with revenge for forgoing breakfast.

I thought back to my limited days spent with Charlie in Forks and the even fewer days spent in La Push. I tapped my fingers against the table until I stumbled upon the answer. "Hmm…I think it was the summer before I was thirteen. You were there for Billy's birthday and I was visiting Charlie for a week. That's the last time I went up there to visit him."

"Right, right. You were at the bonfire that night weren't you?" She laughed at something. I just remembered the whole evening as being awkward and cold.

"Yeah, we were there for a little."

"How come you never visited again?" she asked gently, catching on to my previous slip of tongue.

"I had actually planned to move up there." I diverted my gaze to fingers toying with the straw of my drink. "But that didn't end up not working out."

Rebecca frowned. "That's a shame. Why not?"

"My mom's husband Phil was really big in baseball at the time and was trying to go pro. He traveled a lot, and I always kept my mom behind when she wanted to go with him but she had to take care of me so that prevented her from going. I could see how much she wanted to be with him so I made the decision to go live with Charlie and get out of her hair. About a week before my flight to Forks, Phil shattered both his knees in an accident… So that pretty much ended his career. I had to help take care of him when Renee couldn't, so that changed my plans. Things were tough for them. Still are."

"Is he able to walk?"

"Sometimes. It's tough on his knees. He's still going to physical therapy."

"I remember going through that same struggle with my dad. It was…difficult." Her frown changed to something sadder. "And it was the reason I left home."

Charlie once told me about Rachel and Rebecca leaving home the day they turned eighteen. At first I had judged them, but now I could understand how they felt. And by the look on her face, that feeling now weighed down as guilt. "How's he been doing lately?" I asked as a way to stay away from such a sensitive topic that I wasn't quite sure how to handle.

"Oh, he's great. He's actually trying to plan out a trip to come visit me. Rachel and her husband are up there taking care of him. Our whole family hasn't been together for awhile. We may end up going to visit him instead, it's easier."

"We?"

"My husband"—I caught sight of the impressive diamond ring on her finger for the first time today—"and my daughter. He hasn't seen her since she was born three years ago. A visit is long overdue."

"How long have you been married?"

"Five years in July."

"Wow… congrats. I had no idea. What's your daughter's name?"

"Lila. You'll have to meet her. She's so precious. Are you free for dinner anytime this week?"

"Uh, yeah…I am. I don't have plans. Actually, I don'tknow anyone to have plans _with_," I pointed out before we both shared a laugh.

"I know how that feels," she reassured, reminding me that she had moved here on her own too. "Well, you'll just have to come on over one of these nights then. You're practically like family. You remember my brother Jacob right? He and his friend Embry live in my guest house. You three are about the same age, I'm sure they can introduce you to some people. God, I feel old…"

Brother? Jacob? Right. Okay. I remembered him. "Yeah, sure. That'd be…great."

"Friday nights at my house is barbeque and grill nights. How about you drop by then, maybe around five? You have my number if you need to get a hold of me. A few of our neighbors and friends will be there as well, so don't be a stranger."

I stared at the piece of paper she handed me after writing her address on it. I nodded off handedly, my mind stuck on the prospect of _Friday night_ with my lips pulled back in a smile.

"We should head back. Even though I'm the boss I still have to maintain my supremacy and what little of it I have left."

On the walk back to the building it started raining. Rebecca almost toppled over with giggles at the look on my face, took my hand to pull me quickly along, her breathless voice telling me _One more thing you'll have to get used to, Bella._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ch. 2**_

The following four days consisted of the same routine—wake up to humidity before my alarm, fall asleep to rain showers, settle into work, go out to lunch with Rebecca—and it was something I was more than okay with.

Things were molding, coming together, even the rain was growing on me. It felt nice against my skin, warm even, the nights I would sit out with Beau or find myself pausing from walking inside to hold my hand out in the rain just a few seconds longer, palm up. Of course, I still did have other minimal doubts of the place, and those worries provoked me nonstop within the first few days of my move and even during the week following it. The climate, the people, the atmosphere…it was all so different and remote in Honolulu. The uniqueness was endearing, but sometimes things would feel too right, meant to be. Maybe the precision was where my elongated fears were coming from.

Could something really stay without fault for so long? Still, it felt…_nice_ to finally settle. My future, I was sure, was there each night in the sunset on the horizon, waiting somewhere on the island.

I could be patient in waiting for it to catch up with me.

Late one evening at the nearest grocery store I discovered the delicacy of pineapples, which, appropriately, had me diving into what and all I could bake and cook with this new ingredient: pineapple upside down cake, pineapple glazed chicken, pineapple sweet potato pie… the options were endless and so was my kitchen and all its supplies.

Rebecca was still on about having me come over tonight, going as far as even urging me to cook something after I spilled that it was one of the hobbies among few I enjoyed. So what better to bake than a dish with or including pineapple, something native to the island? I decided on pineapple upside down cake which was now being baked in the oven and filling each room of my one person condo with a smell so yummy I was sure it would continue to make my mouth water until it was eatable, and even then I would have to wait until Rebecca's.

In the meantime, I busied myself with work and the stack of papers looking genuinely foreboding from where they sat on my bed. Laney and I got along well, so well in fact that most of the time all we did was talk about whatever came to mind and not get much done work. I realized after the fact that she was talkative, incredibly so, and it was something I would have to shy away from and not feed if I didn't want to get fired. And I really didn't want to get fired.

I felt in debt to Charlie for getting me this job, which was strange since I barely knew him nor had much of a relationship with him. But then again, I didn't have that with Renee either. Still I tried to live up to both of their expectations.

I began flipping through the papers offhandedly, highlighter in hand. The typical late-afternoon drowsiness delayed what should have been forward progress, because the next thing I knew there was an odd and far-off beeping sound and I was blinking my eyes open to find I had fallen asleep on my side, curled around the papers, my head not even having landed on one of the pillows.

I knew that beeping sound_. Crap_. I bolted out of bed, nothing trip-worthy sending me in a pile to the floor, thank God, as I ran into the kitchen, slipping on the nearest pan holder mittens, pleading, "No, no, no, _no_," until I was met with the sight of only slightly burnt-around-the-edges pineapple upside down cake pulled from the oven. Okay. I could deal with this low level of burning. It was still edible, still smelled delicious. Setting aside the dish, I slapped an irksome hand over my eyes. How could I be so careless and lose track of time?

Speaking of time…

My cell went off in the same moment as the thought. I burnt my arm reaching around the round dish to grab the phone. A string of profanities fell past my lips as I answered the call with, "Oww…hello?"

The side of my left forearm was familiarly red and prickling.

"Bella, hey, I was just calling to see if you got lost?"

"Lost?" I winced as I noticed it was nearing five thirty. No wonder Rebecca was calling. "No, no, not lost. I'm… on my way actually, sorry… See you soon?" I was always so punctual. I hated being late.

"Sure! No problem. Call me if you do happen to get lost, I'll send the troops out for you."

"Funny, Rebecca."

"Hurry before all the food is gone and you're stuck with clam!" She left me with that sobering thought, a laugh included, before my ear was met with a dial tone.

I didn't bother fixing my appearance in the rush to leave, no use or time to do anything other than change into jeans and a shirt, say my goodbyes to Beau, and set off towards the bus with a heat-protected cake in my arms.

/

Rebecca's house, to say the least, was very impressive and the ideal image of what anyone would think a house in Hawaii should look like: framed by palm trees, wrap-around upstairs deck, a slight bungalow vibe, beige and earthy colors… Pretty.

Despite my lack of direction, I hadn't gotten lost on my way here but maybe the bus could be credited for that more so than me. The area actually looked pretty familiar, I summarized, but that was probably my imagination piecing images together. Some things just looked the same around here.

I knocked twice on the door, unsure of what else to do as voices and laughs drifted from the back of the house to the front where I stood with a complete yet mildly numbing nervousness. I could smell the traces of barbeque in the air.

The door was opened and I was greeted with a face I'd only ever seen in picture frames.

"You must be Bella?" The man waved me inside, smiling all the while, sticking out his hand for a proper shake. "I'm Keoni, Rebecca's husband."

"Hi, yes. She's talked about you a lot, quite a lot, nice to meet you." Tall, dark, attractive, crooked smile, all exactly the way Rebecca explained him but with a little more punch than the pictures could provide. Samoan, I think.

I took a step inside, closing the door to a quiet shut behind me, taking in the stair case and hall to the left and family room to the right. "Let me take that for you." He reached for the pan still held to my chest. "Smells delicious."

I offered it to him with a smile and a soft, "Thank you."

My eyes followed him as he set the dish onto one of the counters full of other pans of different sizes and shapes at the opposite end of the house, Rebecca appearing from the stairs at the same moment and all smiles, pulling me into one of her hugs that she upon every greeting included.

"Nice to see you've finally made it," she teased. "I see you've met my husband. I hope he hasn't embarrassed me too much."

Keoni returned to where we stood, still near the front of the house, responded, "You do that well enough on your own, hun," winked, and then immediately leaned down to give Rebecca a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna go check on the burgers. Can't trust that brother of yours, Bec, he's probably eaten half of 'em already. Nice meeting you, Bella. Help yourself to a beer! Mahalo."

Rebecca parted her lips to speak, but was interrupted by a small and brown-haired child running straight into her side, almost knocking her off her feet, but who she lifted without hesitation, heaving a bit at the weight.

She adjusted the small girl on her hip before turning to face me. "This is Lila." Rebecca smiled, smoothing hair out of her daughter's face, behind her ear. "Lila, can you say hi to my new friend Bella?" The girl stared at me, eyes dark and big and innocent, but instead tucked her head into her mother's neck.

"She's a bit shy around new people," Rebecca whispered.

I could understand that. "She looks just like Keoni." Her skin was the same shade, only hints of the russet coloring her mom had.

Rebecca heaved a sigh that told me she got that comment a lot. "I know. I'm trying to use that as an excuse to have another child, but he wants to wait longer. She's a mommy's girl though, at least there's that, right?"

I nodded stiffly, so unfamiliar with that concept but it sounded sweet.

"Lila, why don't you go play with Gracie?" Rebecca asked. Lila took off once she was set down onto two wobbly legs in a little half-run half-hobble in the direction she previously came from that led straight to the backyard. "Gracie's our neighbor's daughter," she explained when I arched an eyebrow. She took my hand, leading more towards the large glass sliding doors. "Well, let's go introduce you to everyone."

John and Cindy were the parents of Gracie and another older child Lizzie, the neighbors Rebecca told me who they often carpooled with for their kids, and also the same friends Rebecca had met when she moved here almost ten years ago. They were nice enough, and come to think of it, I hadn't yet met anyone who was unwelcoming.

When Rebecca had said _Friday nights at my house are barbeque and grill nights, some of our friends and neighbors come over_, I expected a large gathering. Rebecca seemed like the type of person to have many friends, she was far too sweet and kind and nurturing. But as it went, John and Cindy and their daughters were the only _friends_ there. And under further observation, the entire gathering was rather laid back, more focused on the kids and good food and close ties.

"This is Embry." Rebecca's voice interrupted my thoughts, causing my eyes to focus in on the person that she'd steered me to who was sitting in a patio chair with a loopy grin on his face. Not her brother, I noticed as my eyes trailed over him, but they could be related if I hadn't known any better.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I finally responded, free from my thoughts.

"Hey," he paused, reaching out a hand that completely swallowed my own when they shook, his skin tickling with heat. "We met a long time ago down in La Push. You probably don't remember me."

I shook my head. My memories of that time were limited since I was so young. "Right, um, sorry. It's all just…a blur."

"I'd be surprised if you remembered me anyways. I was one of the many boys with long hair making a damn fool out of myself in some way, I'm sure."

I nodded in slight recollection. "Well, I do remember being thoroughly entertained by a group of boys getting on their parent's nerves, if that counts."

He flashed me a smile before Rebecca interrupted with the final introduction of, "And this is my little brother Jacob," and a point where he who stood behind the barbeque. My eyes followed the direction her finger led me to.

Even taller, more in-your-face handsome, warming smile…this was not the Jacob I remembered and suddenly I had the most content feeling deep in my stomach that I wasn't sure what to do with or make of when he looked away from the grill and to me.

When my thoughts were gathered, I wondered if this could really be the same kid who was gangly and almost as awkward as I was way back when.

Jacob nodded his head once in a way of greeting, both hands occupied; one holding a spatula, the other holding a beer.

Before anything could be said between us, a voice was calling out, "Mommy!" and causing all four of us to turn our heads in the direction of Lila waving impatiently for her mother. "C'mere Mommy!"

She turned to face me, squeezing my arm before saying, "Be right back," and taking off.

I turned a bit unsurely back to Embry and Jacob. They looked like brothers. Short hair, dark eyes, russet skin… maybe they were cousins. La Push had a small community, right?

"Want a beer?" Jacob asked, interrupting an odd train of thought my inner voice was taking.

"Sure, thanks."

The burgers sizzled as Jacob flipped them so that all fifteen, it looked, were safely off the heat and on plates before reaching into the cooler and pulling a drink from the ice. He popped off the top far too effortlessly before handing it to me.

"Burn yourself?" Embry asked, eyes level to my left arm as I took the beer from Jacob.

Burn? Me? "Holy Crow." I looked down at the outside of my forearm, having completely forgotten about it up until this point. I hesitantly touched the raw skin with the pads of my fingertips. The pain of the burn resonated the more I focused on it. "Yeah…it… happened earlier. I was baking," I winced.

"Looks pretty nasty," he commented.

I sighed. "I hate to agree with you."

"I know a good cure for burns… if it's hurting you." I looked away from the topic of discussion to find Jacob had spoken, looking at me questioningly. I nodded without words. It _was_ actually stinging, now that he brought it up. Not to mention the sight of it was more than a bit off-putting and something needed to be done about that.

Jacob rounded to the front of the grill to head towards the house, his glance back at me and the nod of his head telling me to follow pulled me out of my daze. So I followed.

"Save us some burgers," he called back to Embry who nodded from behind sipping his own beer, adding a two finger salute.

Inside was empty and quiet. Even quieter when he closed the sliding door and trapped the sound outside.

He led me to the nearest bathroom, and Jesus how was he so tall?

After the light was flicked on, he turned on the faucet, instructed, "Rinse for thirty seconds," and then turned to dig through the medicine cabinet. I stuck my arm under the freezing water obediently. It was a relief to heat outside and trapped in my skin.

I counted to thirty. At fourteen seconds Jacob was done searching for whatever was in that small cabinet and only the sound of pressured water could be heard.

It wasn't until I sat on the counter that I noticed, once more, just how tall Jacob was. Taller than Mike Williams from college, and he was _tall_.

He reached for my arm mid-thought, patted it dry with a hand towel, and took out the first ingredient that filled the room with a strong odor when the top was twisted off.

"Menthol, to relieve the pain," he explained as I wrinkled my nose.

"Will it sting?"

"Not painfully."

It tickled.

As I watched, he continued listing what he was applying. "Vitamin E oil, heals the skin."

_Oh_, no more pain.

"Last… gauze."

He unwrapped the white bandage from its casing with his teeth after showing it to me. We sat in more silence until I asked, "So…do you burn yourself a lot?" Okay, stupid question, but how did he know this _magical_ cure without there being some experience behind it? And it _was_ magical. Instead of stinging, it now tingled comfortably, sort of like it was numbing over.

His eyes raised from my arm to catch mine, eyebrow cocked, a gentle smile. "Sometimes… back when I was kid. Bonfires," he explained, leaning in to focus more on taping the gauze, voice lower, "I could ask the same about you."

"Uh, well, I guess so. It tends to happen the more I cook and bake and I've yet to fully learn my lesson, it's really not so bad sometimes... I could start a collection."

"Sure sure," he chuckled. "Now you have a cure for next time."

"I'm sure there will be a next time…and another time following that," I agreed.

His smile was back as he tossed the garbage into the trash, put away the menthol and vitamin E bottles back into the cabinet, and turned to face me as I slid from the counter once he backed away.

"Better?"

"Much. Thank you."

We reached for our drinks and then headed back out to the patio, going our separate ways.

Keoni, as it turned out, was an amazing cook, so the food was good, and the conversation light. We shared our love for recipes and cooking more than once throughout the night.

I spent most of my time next to Rebecca, who spent most of her time next to Lila, who spent most of her time next to Gracie, who spent most of her time next to Lizzie, who spent most of her time next to and following Jacob and Embry. The conversation while we all sat around Rebecca's large dining room table revolved around things I wasn't clued in on, but what they shared. Like, how there was a surfing competition next weekend, how Embry was pretty good, how Keoni was trying to pressure him into entering, how Lila was going to be entering preschool soon, how Jacob was going to graduate from college even sooner.

The slight buzz of the two beers throughout dinner relaxed me, taking away the anxiousness I always seemed to have. I'd be forever grateful to my college years and the tolerance—okay, well, _slight_ tolerance—to alcohol so that I wasn't the one adult in the room declining every adult beverage for sake of not making a fool of myself.

By the time for dessert, I in no way wanted to leave. I was the most relaxed I'd ever been since being here.

I was serving myself some of the cookies and fudge laid out on a plate, along with all the other food, buffet style, when Embry appeared at my side. I glanced up at him to see he was eyeing the last piece of the pineapple upside down cake I had made, which had been a hit.

"Is there pineapple in this?" he asked skeptically, a grin somewhere on his pursed lips I had to crane my neck to see.

"Lots," I offered.

"Damn. It looks pretty good."

"You can have the last piece?"

"I'm allergic to pineapple."

"You're…what?"

"It makes my throat all scratchy." He settled for three cookies instead, shrugging. "I'm sure it's great though." He winked, turned, and headed back to the table, and I had the thought to wonder if he was flirting with me.

John helped himself to a second and last serving of the pineapple upside down cake, his wife asking for the recipe.

Lila ended up warming up to me. Enough so to show me her doll she cradled more often than not to her chest, at least.

It was sometime later in the evening, after the kids had gone to sleep and John and Cindy and their own children had retired home, when Rebecca asked, "Did you take the bus over here, Bella?" while sipping on a glass of white wine to unwind. We'd been sitting curled on her couch for an unknown amount of time, alternating between talking and watching the news. I was so full I didn't think I could move.

I nodded to her question, a bit embarrassed by the fact.

"Well, there's no way I'm letting you take that thing home this late. I would drive you but I've had far too much to drink…"

"Don't worry about it—"

"I'll drive her," a voice suggested before there could be a pause for further thought.

Our heads turned in unison to find Jacob at the entrance of the back door, leaning into the doorframe, arms and legs crossed. Rebecca watched him for a notably long time, like her stare was all-knowing of _something_, before agreeing, "Sure," after getting my approving, hesitant, nod.

She walked me to the door and tossed Jacob a set of keys dangling from a hook near the entrance. "See you Monday," she smiled. "Thanks for coming over, we'll have to do this again sometime soon. Everyone loves you just as much as I do."

I felt my cheeks warm. "I'm not sure about that, but I'd love to come over again. I had fun. See you."

She waved a goodbye from the door as I followed Jacob down to one of the three parked cars.

The lights flashed to the car we'd be getting in as it made a clicking noise. We settled into the front seats.

"Where to?" Jacob asked, backing out of the driveway.

"Kihei Condos, off of 8th."

He nodded, said, "Sure sure, that's close by," and we were off.

"So," I cleared my throat, taking in the interior of the car that screamed _girly!_, "is this your car?"

A quick shake of his head was followed with, "It's Bec's car. I have a bike."

"A bike?" A mental image of Jacob on a bike brought a growing smile to my lips, one that couldn't seem to disappear, the alcohol was to blame, one he picked up on just as quickly as it was there.

"No, no. Not a _bike_…a _motor_bike," he chuckled, watching me from the corner of his eyes and a slight turn of his head, sharing the smile with me.

"Oh, right," I replied with a small laugh, trying to bite away the grin on my lips of such a tall and overly large man on a small kid's bike. I looked down at my hands. "Sorry."

"S'okay. I kinda walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Sort of," I shrugged my agreement, still with that same smile on my lips that felt as if it was eating away at my face.

We returned to silence, just the sound of the outside passing through the rolled down windows to allow the cool night's air in, the force of the wind blowing my hair all around.

"Do you remember me?" Jacob asked a question also on my mind, looking at me, the car stopped at a light.

"It's hard to forget the Blacks. But yes, a little, you were always so quiet."

"So were you."

"Well, we were pretty young at the time. Not much has changed for me in that department, though."

He smiled, his eyes back on the road just in time for the light to change green.

I sank back into the seat, turning to face the wet air blowing in. I closed my eyes against the feeling and quiet sound. The moon was bright.

"Is it always like this here?" I asked when it seemed like enough mute time had passed, the words escaping from my thoughts and to my lips.

A confused line pinched over Jacob's eyebrows. "Like what?"

I finished the thought. "Peaceful." Quiet, safe, _paradise_?

"Always," he replied, and I opened my eyes to find him watching me. He asked for me to direct him to which apartment was mine as we pulled into the familiar drive.

I waved a silent goodbye as I exited from the car, feeling his eyes on me until I was safely through the front door.

Inside, lying in my bed next to a sleeping Beau, my hand settled against my stomach, the traces of tightness and nerves and excitement and fear from before now only lingering, my fingers digging into skin.

I didn't know what to make of this feeling.

It stuck with me until I rolled over and slept.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Ch. 3**_

The sun was gone today.

Knowing this struck me still when I placed two feet outdoors, hand still on the doorknob.

As I stared up at the clouded yet rainless sky, my mind made a connection to a similar sky in the town of Forks. An odd acknowledgement, but it caused something to _click _within my brain; my feelings of the rain in Hawaii, the hard exterior and instant dislike I'd judged it by, only to warm up to it… wasn't that the exact same way I came to accept Forks once upon a time?

Forks, Washington was two things to me: wet and wrong. As I child, I felt obligated to hate the place far more interesting to my father than I ever was. _Wet_ was simple. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the water soaking through my tennis shoes as I stepped out of Charlie's cruiser and into a puddle; dampened hair from rain showers dripping droplets down the back of my neck.

Balancing out the dislike were two other parts of the town I could _consider_ okay. Charlie's house was the first. For years after visiting, I had always pictured myself living there, taking the steps of the staircase two at a time and somehow coming to love the blandness of it. First Beach was the only other thing that _stuck_ with me throughout my few and in between trips. Growing up in Phoenix, the only body of water I had ever seen was an unimpressive lake just north of town. Seeing the ocean for the first time in La Push, on a summer day, was beautiful, enough so that the first glance of it was now the image that entered my mind whenever _ocean_ was mentioned; the smell and the cliffs and the grey, pebbled sand…every detail.

It was the only water of the ocean I'd ever sunk my feet into and eventually swam in after I got over my stubbornness of how cold to the touch it was. I hadn't even tested the waters in Hawaii yet…

I was tugged out of my mind by a different, sharper tug at my hand.

"_Beau_," I groaned as a weak reprimand, so weak I was continued to be dragged along by his leash wrapped firmly around my wrist, held in my fisted hand. I found I could barely keep up with him in what I imagined would be a relaxing early morning walk along the roads winding and winding throughout Kihei Condos.

The pace at which Beau dragged me along had sweat trickling my eyebrow from the exertion. I wiped at it with the back of my free hand, thankful when the sight of my condo came into view twenty minutes later and all that was left of this little excursion was to grab the mail.

I wasn't given any more time to ponder the options of _Ignore the Bills Now_ or _Ignore the Bills Later_, because Beau found himself distracted and pounced on by a small, mutt looking black dog whose nose appeared as if it had been smashed into its face. Cute, somehow, and at least the two weren't attacking each other. Only sniffing. I gave up attempting to pull Beau away before I even tried. He was awfully unrelenting.

The dog's owner came jogging over—I noticed _after _starting to wonder if it was a stray—when I heard the name "Jack!" being called over and over until the little thing was picked up and pulled into the man's arms, his breathing heavy, sweaty and topless to the raise of my eyes.

"_I'm so, so sorry_. He ran out the door when I was leaving for a jog… I hope he didn't cause you any trouble?"

I stared at him blankly for at least a half of a second. His voice…the accent… Australian? "No… no problem, just caught me off guard is all," I stuttered as a response, caught off guard but for a different reason than the now barking dog in his arms.

The worry on his lips was tugged upwards into a smile of satisfaction. "Thank god." He sounded relieved. Maybe this thing happened a lot. "Do you live around here?" he continued, his voice making him sound very…_proper_, all the while tightening his hold on the dog trying to work its way out of his grip.

I did the same with Beau's leash by planting my feet more firmly into the gravel. "Yes, as of recently. I just moved in a few weeks ago. I'm still trying to figure out the area."

He nodded like he knew the feeling. "I'm in 29D if you ever want to stop by sometime. I could show you the lay of the land if you're interested," he offered, quirking a thick eyebrow.

I wasn't interested entirely, charmed by his good looks _yes_, but I responded timidly, "Maybe."

He smiled, turned to leave, but stopped himself on a pause. "I didn't catch your name."

"Bella."

"Short for Isabella?"

"Unfortunately."

"I'm Luke, short for Lucas." He grinned, backed away, eyes watching me. "See you around, Bella."

My own eyes, astonished, stayed on his figure even as it turned into a blurry blob down the road. Worriedly, as soon as my mind came back to me, I hoped I hadn't agreed to something that could possibly categorize itself as _date_.

Beau was calmed after the dog was out of sight. This time he was the one who had to drag me in from where I stood at a standstill. My hand under his leash was becoming tender.

My tired legs cheered as I slowly sank into a seated position on the couch once inside. I was halfway to relaxation when the tuned _RING-RING _of my phone went off. My eagerness to kick my feet up was pushed aside by an abrupt curiosity questioning _Who could be calling me?_

I found my phone in the kitchen, tucked deeply into my purse.

_Renee._

My mind questioned a loud _Hmm_. She told me in her daily emails she wouldn't call if it wasn't important because she didn't want to be a _bother_.

But what could be so important? Phil?

Clicking the green button, I greeted her with a dry, "Mom," and curled into the original position I had in mind earlier on the couch.

"Did you call Charlie today?" she asked without a pause, a mischievous glee behind her words I learned to pick up on as quickly as it was there over the years.

I frowned, furrowed my eyebrows, because I had no idea where she was going with this and it made me incredibly unsettled. "Was I supposed to?"

She giggled. I scrunched my nose at the high pitched sound of it. "_Yes_. Every year on this date it's courteous—not to mentioned _kind_—of you to call him."

My stomach dropped. _Oh_. "Is today May 3rd?"

"Only for fourteen more hours, baby."

"Holy crow." My free hand slapped to my forehead, slipping to cover my eyes. I fell to my side, now curled in a comforting ball, knees to my chest. "I'll call him. Thank you for reminding me."

"What kind of mother would I be if I didn't?"

_Not as bad of a daughter as I am, _I argued mentally, defeated.

"Before you go, I've got to ask what you've been avoiding in all my emails. I'm serious about this, Bella."

"I—"

"You knew it would come to this," she blamed, intercepting my excuse before I could even use it. "Anyways, you know it's not like I want grandkids anytime soon, heavens no, but you need a man in your life, Bella. And since you've been avoiding answering the question like it's the next plague, you'll give me my answer now. So, have you been seeing anyone in that paradise you're living in? Any hot Hawaiian men?"

Away from my ear, I held the phone in front of my face. I glared at it long and hard, half with disbelief— a disbelief I was questioning myself over as soon as it was there. I shouldn't feel so surprised Renee would use Charlie's birthday as an excuse to call and interrogate. But more so, it hurt that she felt the need to ask. "Sure, mom, yeah… I met someone."

Lies of course, but I was never transparent to Renee. Or maybe she just liked the non-truth.

"_I knew it_! What's his name?"

"His name? Oh, um… it's Luke. Lucas." It was the first name that came to mind, I couldn't help the slip of tongue even as I rolled my eyes at myself. I hurried on with my lie. "Renee, look, I _really_ have to go. I was about to leave to go…run errands…before you called. I'll email you tonight and, err, give you details." That should sedate her. I hung up without hesitation, taking my anger out on the innocent _end call_ button that I held down with more force and time than necessary.

I knew I was lonely. I felt it every day. Having a mother continuously make note of that was far more damaging than mending. Yet in it went, settling somewhere along the carved path of my midsection.

Closing my eyes, allowing those few minutes to breathe, I knew I wouldn't allow myself to wallow indoors all day. It was Saturday, not even 11 a.m. _Something_. I had to do something.

_Groceries, errands, irrelevant things/needs_… I searched online for the nearest grocery store or market with a shopping center close by. The 7/11 down the road wasn't cutting it.

I waited the whole three minutes for my computer to start up before Googling and Map Questing.

_Fresh outdoor market, Beach Walk and Waikiki Road, first Saturday of every month. _

"Perfect."

Under the raining showerhead, washing away the sweat from this morning's walk, I thought of Charlie once more and promised myself I would call him tonight, wish him a happy birthday, maybe talk some…

The subject of Charlie and birthdays remained at the forefront of my mind throughout the shower.

I spent a majority of the time wondering if there was ever a time when I had celebrated my father's birthday _with_ him in Forks.

I didn't like the answer when I came across it.

/

"_Any plans for the weekend?"_

"_Unfortunately no… Lila has a fever, poor thing. We may end up going to Waikiki Beach to check out that surfing event thingy if she's up for it. The boys seem to be into it, and Lila enjoys the sand..."_

The beach was crowded today and the memory of mine and Rebecca's conversation walking out of work Friday evening reminded me why.

From where I stood at the top of the beach, on a paved sidewalk, hands supporting my weight on a railing, I could see the fresh market Google told me of was up the path a ways, on the shoulder of the shore, perpendicular to it. Forward was the sand leading to rising and falling water, a mass of onlookers watching bodies and surfboards doing their own rise and fall with it.

I briefly wondered if Rebecca and her family had shown up, even let my eyes scan the masses as a wonder to the thought. The attempt proved useless as I processed there had to be hundreds of people here and searching for her and her family would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Before I turned away to continue on towards my original destination, my eyes got caught up following the path of a surfer racing a wave, watching until he made it out without the ocean swallowing him. I almost wished I would have brought my swimsuit to try out that whole _testing the waters_ thing. Other families, away from the event and enjoying the day by spending it at the beach, caught my attention next.

The wind picked up.

"Looking for someone?"

The voice came from behind, carried by the wind. I had enough reservation to not jump out of my skin and appear as startled as my racing heart told me I was as I turned quickly to face the voice questioning me, shielding my eyes from a sliver of sun peeking through a break in the clouds to find inviting eyes far up. _Tall._

Jacob.

My eyebrows rose. What were the odds? "Hi," I said without a thought, my voice an octave higher due to surprise and the nerves plugging my throat. I coughed them away. Remembering his question, I replied matter-of-factly, "I was looking for your sister actually. She mentioned you all might show up today… so I was curious…"

"Sure sure. We're all further down if you wanna say hi?" He nodded his head in the direction away from the event, to a more barren part of the beach where _further down_ must be.

I nodded, thinking I'd just stop by for a minute or two, and then looked away from his eyes, distracted by a cone in each of his hands. They made the items look small, engulfed. "Hungry?"

Chuckling, he shook his head, eyes where mine were watching. "Lila wanted ice cream." Behind him, only a few feet away, I saw for the first time a shack with the label _Food Refreshments Ice Cream._ No wonder he spotted me. "So did Becca." His tone and expression suggested a certain lightheartedness I couldn't place, like perhaps this was the type of thing he was continuously hassled into doing for his sister and niece.

Whatever it was, I matched it with a teasing, "How kind of you."

He shrugged. "What can I say?" The smile on his lips was still there—how could one person smile so much was beyond me—as he led me through the sand with his voiced, gentle _C'mon_.

I was busy watching the placement of my feet on hot sand when Jacob commented, "Nice day."

I risked a glance at the dreary and sun-lacking sky. It was nice by Hawaiian terms, I came to understand. Days with clouds here were warm and perfect. The sun was sometimes too much. Personally, I was relieved I didn't have to worry about sunscreen and burning.

"_Very_," I agreed easily, noticing that Jacob had slowed his pace to match with mine. I smiled weakly at him and took his mute response as understanding. "Is Embry out there?" I pointed to the where the surfing event was now, behind us a ways, remembering dinner one week and a day ago when Keoni and Jacob had tried to pressure him into entering what was now taking place. Maybe that was why they were here.

"Nah. Embry's not really a competitive type of guy. He's also a sore loser but don't let him know I told you that," he chuckled, the sound of it warming.

I went along with it, promising with my own half-laugh, "I won't say a thing."

And there was that smile again. Nothing could be more contagious, I decided.

It took me a few seconds to process we had stopped walking. Only when Jacob turned away and relinquished the hold on my eyes did I realize he was handing the two ice creams to its two recipients sitting on a beach towel.

"Look who I found."

Heads turned. "Bella? What're you doing here?" Rebecca was the first to ask after catching sight of me from behind sunglasses, inviting me quickly to sit down next to her and Lila who was already covered in a chocolate ice cream mustache.

"Hi," I greeted, smiling softly at Lila who smiled back and waved. I turned to Rebecca and explained, "I was headed to the market." My thumb pointed in its direction as I settled into a seated position, legs crossed. "I didn't realize the two events were at the same place, and then I sort of…ran into your brother and remembered you mentioned something about maybe coming down here Saturday, so I thought I'd say hi."

"Well, what a nice surprise. You should stick around for a little. I was going to call you this morning when we decided to go out to see if you wanted to come along but I totally didn't want you to feel obligated. My family isn't the most exciting, but sometimes it's exhausting being the only woman surrounded by _boys_," she emphasized the last word so that Jacob could hear, teasing.

He shot her a wink before taking off for the water. I watched him go.

"Keoni and Embry are here, too?" I guessed, surveying where I was at for the first time. There were three chairs, a cooler, a portable radio, and three more beach towels spread out around us.

"Of course they are! Who do you think dragged me and little Lila out here?" she asked, laughing, pointing out the two—now three, I noted, as Jacob joined them—floating bodies balanced on surf boards out a distance that I had to squint to see. Another peeking ray of sunshine reflected a bright glow off the water and obstructed my view.

"Jacob and Keoni surf, too?"

"Oh yeah. Keoni's dad is a big surfer, pretty much everyone in his family is. He's the one who taught Embry and Jake when they moved here."

"And do you?"

"I wish. I'm not a good learner. I gave up trying when Keoni tried to teach me years ago. I stick with swimming now. Or snorkeling. Have you done that yet? If not, you really should. It's quite an experience."

I shook my head. "I'll have to add that to my list of to-dos." The list, I realized, was beginning to grow.

Rebecca kept me distracted for the next few minutes with conversation, making a point to tell me she would have _no _problem with joining me if I wanted to go snorkeling.

She mentioned something about Jacob, him and Embry, and I felt blood rush to my cheeks. The unsettling feeling, laden with confusion, was back. A weak attempt to hide my blush by ducking my head had Rebecca watching me skeptically and trailing off her sentence.

"Are…are you blushing, Bella?" she observed tepidly, coyly, her voice sounding contained of laughter. I got the feeling she was worried about getting too personal and overstepping boundaries even though a part of her found my weakness amusing.

I liked how she liked to give people space. It was refreshing from what I was used to with Renee.

"No! I mean, I, uh, burn easily. The sun hates me. That must be it," I justified, touching my fingertips to my cheeks, attempting to push away the blush with the pressure of my fingers. I would be blind if I didn't notice how…_fit_…he was.

Before she could argue that there was, indeed, no sun out today to cause such a thing, she was interrupted and I was saved by a crying Lila.

"Well, crap," Rebecca sighed, her hand against her daughter's forehead. "I think Lila's fever is back. It was lower this morning…" She looked at me apologetically before calling out to Keoni, Jacob, and Embry, waving them in. "I promised them we would stay here as long as Lila was feeling fine. I don't want her to get worse by staying out."

"I hope she feels better," I offered, thinking I was about to leave soon anyways.

"Put your clothes on, Lila. We'll get you home soon, okay honey?"

She nodded mutely. Rebecca turned to face me. I felt her eyes on my cheek as I watched the waves rush at the shore, the image of La Push back in my mind and I found myself comparing the two.

It wasn't until Rebecca had to yell out to the guys a second time did she pull her sunglasses off to look at me more carefully. "I've wanted to tell you something for awhile now, Bella. Telling you at work never seemed appropriate, so I figure now is the perfect time. I see a lot of myself in you," she stated.

My sharply turned head and questioning look was enough to get her to continue.

She shrugged easily. "Our personalities, our outlooks and goals, those types of things… When I first left home and moved here, I was so hesitant and scared yet open to taking everything in and discovering new things, despite how scary it was because I didn't know a thing about myself. You seem that way, too. I can't read people well but I do pick up on body language and simple facts." She paused, kissing the top of Lila's hair covered head from where she sat between her legs, looking sick and tired. "Most people wouldn't move across the ocean to accept a job at a company barely on its feet. So I figure there must've been other motives for you…like there was for me when I left home at the first opportunity I had."

It comforted me that she wasn't reading into me, but rather what I was experiencing wasn't something I was alone in. But yes, she was on point with all those facts.

"What I'm _trying_ to say," she laughed, continued, "is that I found myself here, Bella, and I really hope you do, too."

There was no time to reply because Lila broke into a fit of impatient cries again, complaining she wanted to go home. I found myself awed into a stilled silence up until Embry and Keoni greeted me once they were finally on shore, toweling dry.

Five minutes later, Rebecca and Keoni were packing up their things with the help of Jacob and Embry after they decided it was best to leave. I was helping by cautiously holding Lila while Rebecca gathered all her toys and Keoni, Jacob, and Embry made tips back and forth to their car far up in the parking lot.

"Jake? Can you do me a big favor please?" Rebecca asked once everything was cleared, turning to face him, interrupting a conversation he was having with Embry.

Keoni took a half-sleeping Lila from my arms, mouthing a _Thank you_. I walked with them back to the paved walkway to where we all stood paused now. I was waiting on saying bye to Rebecca and thanking her.

"Depends on what all this favor entails, Becs."

"Nothing you won't be able to survive," she assured. "It's just that… I was hoping to stop by the fresh market before we left today since it's only open 'til four, but since Lila's feeling icky, I was thinking you could pick up some things for me? Bella's going, she could probably help you out with what all I need." She looked to me. "If you don't mind? I trust your judgment better than my brother's."

That set me off guard. She hadn't mentioned anything about going to the market when I brought it up earlier. "I don't mind." My gaze fell to Jacob whose eyes, I caught, were just leaving me and back to his sister's.

"Sure sure," he agreed softly.

"I'll tag along, too," Embry offered with a shrug, looking from me to Jacob. "We can head over to Marlo's after, yeah?"

Jacob nodded offhandedly and then Rebecca was saying a _Thank you_ to them both. "Bye, Bella." She pulled me into a quick hug, told me that if I ever needed anything that I could always call her, in which I thanked her for, and then she listed off what she wanted from the market to Jacob and Embry.

"See you at home!" she added, disappearing with her husband and daughter into a familiar car I linked to the one Jacob had driven me home in last weekend.

Minutes later, Embry, Jacob, and I had made the walk to the market and amidst an easy silence I found myself asking, curious now that it was just us three, "How long have you two lived here?" Did they leave home for the same reasons as Rebecca had? I'd never gotten the impression Jacob wanted out of La Push. As for Embry, I was less sure about him. They must've left together, I theorized.

"We moved out right after high school… so almost four years. Shit, time flies," Jacob muttered the last part, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he glanced between the different tables set out.

My theory was correct, then. "Do you visit La Push often?"

Embry replied this time. "Nope, haven't been back since we left."

I picked up on how he chose to say_ left_ and not _moved_. Despite Embry appearing passive about it, I caught the quiet sadness on Jacob's face. I gave up asking anymore questions about that subject. Instead, I led them to a table where a sign labeled _FREE SAMPLES_ was hung.

I handed them each one of the slim plastic tubes filled with a brown-gold filling sitting in the basket.

"What's this?" Jacob asked, lifting it before his eyes.

"Honey," I explained. "Fresh honey. You tear the tips off and suck it out. All of ours are different flavors."

Not to my surprise, Jacob and Embry, with a shrug, tore the ends off with their teeth. I struggled using my fingers to do so more femininely. It took longer than I expected.

Seconds later, I confirmed, "Citrus," as the flavor of mine.

"Maple."

"Ugh. Some sour shit," Embry winced, his face and lips pulled into a pucker.

I tried to conceal my laugh, thinking he must've gotten blackberry because I knew from experience that one was the most tart, and caught Jacob's grin and chuckle which caused Embry to shoot him a glare and a sarcastic _Yeah, screw you_.

While they were distracted by a table a few spots down, I bought a can of the citrus honey I had just tried.

Approaching the two, the table at which they stood covered with seafood, I heard Embry ask disgustedly, "What the hell is this? _Sea slugs_? Do people eat this? Is it even edible?" and then went on to poke one of the slimy, green slugs.

I grimaced.

Remembering the list of things Rebecca had asked of them to get, I told the owner behind the table with an apologetic smile on the behalf of Embry, "Two pounds of salmon for them, and I'll take one pound myself, please."

Once it was bagged, I handed it to Jacob. "Rebecca mentioned she wanted salmon, right?"

"Yeah," he looked from the bag to me, the muscle along the side of his jaw twitching, "she did. Thanks."

"What's next on the list?"

"Sweet onions and coconuts."

I nodded as we began walking again, taking my time looking at each of the tables.

As we moved through the crowds of people, and as those crowds grew thicker and thicker the deeper in we went, I felt Jacob's hand slip to settle on my lower back, light and guiding, every time we had to squeeze through or around families. Embry was ahead of us by a few steps, still going on about the slugs which caused Jacob to shake his head and laugh a low, throaty laugh.

"Sorry about Embry. I only keep him around for the amusement."

"It's okay, really. He's…funny…in a strange way. It's refreshing."

He agreed easily enough with that.

We spent the next hour stopping by almost every table, and at each booth Embry was able to find some type of food with an odd name or even odder appearance to make an always funny joke about.

He was now farther ahead while Jacob was still at my side. I nudged him with my elbow, my hands full of plastic bags, and pointed with my pinky to the final item of food Rebecca wanted that we'd spent the past fifteen minutes searching for: snapper.

"Finally," he grumbled, running a hand over his face. "This place is huge. I didn't think we'd ever find it."

When the fish was bought, and feeling like we shared something in common, I asked gently, "Do you miss La Push?"

Jacob paused in his steps, facing me, the expression on his face and in his eyes thoughtful. "Some days." He shrugged, lips in a thin line. "And not some days. How 'bout you? Do you miss Phoenix?"

"Some days," I repeated, because I understood just how those words were meant. "But mostly no." I was tempted to ask _why_ he left home, but kept my lips sealed.

He smiled tenderly, his forefinger tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm gonna go find Embry."

I swallowed and nodded. "Sure."

Standing in the same spot and after contemplating the option of buying some snapper—my conscience argued I already had enough food and to reign in my compulsion—I decided to head back over to the two and say a quick goodbye.

Only a few feet behind where Jacob had found Embry at another table lined with fruits, I heard a resounding, "_Kum_quats? _KUM_quats? Really? What the…"

My laugh was free and full when it left my lips, and it didn't hit me until I was home how light I felt throughout the day.

Later in the evening, preparing dinner with many of the new grocery I bought today, I dialed an out of state number into my phone and waited for three long rings.

"Hello?" the voice answering was gruff, happy, paternal, recognizable…

"Hi, Charlie, it's Bella. I was just calling to wish you a happy birthday…"


	4. Chapter 4

_**Ch. 4**_

"…time."

Three times I blinked until Laney's face came into focus. "Huh? What?" My voice, lost among confusion, gave way to how I was trying not to act: spacey. _Incredibly_ spacey, and for reasons unknown. I was in and out all day. Lack of sleep, maybe? Rampant thoughts? I couldn't place it.

"Did you hear anything I just told you?" While Laney's voice sounded irate with the type of _am-I-irrelevant-enough-to-be-ignored?_ annoyance, her lips told a different story with an eatable grin. I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling it become raw to the point of a sharp sting.

"I'm sorry. My mind is so wrapped around this manuscript lately; it's all I'm thinking about. I was spacing. Sorry." I apologize a lot, yes, because my conscience was apparently still as guilty as it was when I was a teenager. Offending people, stepping on toes, making a fool of myself, even bleeding, had me _sorry_. It was like a reflex for me to apologize.

No one ever seemed to notice.

She laughed, not seeming to care for anything except for the fact that it amused her. I cursed my cheeks for warming from the embarrassment. "I _said_… we'll still have time. For the meeting Thursday. With the author. And that you don't need to have the manuscript finished before then, no rush."

"Oh. Right. Yes. Of course," I responded, demure, attempting—hoping—to keep some knowledge of what was being planned and approving of it with different variations of my consent. Because that seemed to be what she was looking for. Right? I rubbed my fingers to my temple, feeling a treacherous, fast approaching ache build. And it was a proper ache, the kind that mocked me. "I finished reading through the manuscript this weekend, so that's no problem. Make sure to remind Kev to be at the meeting and I think we're done for today."

"Sure thing, boss."

"I'm not your boss, Laney," I reminded, sounding worn. "Rebecca is."

"True, but you're best friends with her. Your authority is _thus_ implied, dear thing." She shrugged, beginning to gather her purse, jacket, papers… I was silenced by shock, watching her go—turning in my chair to do so—until she stopped at the door leading out of our smallish office and glanced over her shoulder, allowing me to see the _I'm only kidding_ look she wore so flawlessly. "See you tomorrow, Bella. Wipe the surprise off your face. Have a nice evening!"

Compliments I also had a problem with. _Accepting_ them, more so, but maybe that had something to do with a misplaced and in between self-confidence. Did I ever really have that to begin with? …Was that even a compliment? Or just a nod towards status-quo? Or my lack of even knowing _what_ a compliment was?

A heavy sigh passed my lips.

Taking a few precious moments to organize the items on my desk before leaving to head home, I let my thoughts slip back into the same detached state of mind that had affected me wholly throughout the day, plus the two days following the weekend, and went through the motions blindly, because it was just easier.

_Another faze_, my mind concluded as the solution, and then added, _Sleep on it_.

When I turned, and as I was headed to leave through the same open doors as Laney had, the shock at seeing a familiar face watching me from the doorway, leaning, shoulder propped against it, hit me as a delayed response, and that response caused me to do a little jump/twitch thing and place a hand over my racing heart.

Holy crow, I was _too_ much out of it. And why was he always surprising me?

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not accusingly, but…_unsurely_. Rebecca mentioned within the first week of my move that her family typically never stopped by the office unless it was an emergency. So, my instinct, naturally, was warning me maybe something was wrong. Lila, maybe?

"Becca's car got a flat tire while she was driving to work today. I fixed it up for her. I was just bringing the keys back." He raised his hand, the key among many others hooked on a keychain dangling from his index finger, then disappearing in the palm of his hand, back at his side.

The day had been so busy that I'd managed to forget Rebecca had mentioned (more so cursed), _Stupid freaking car problems,_ as she zoomed into her office late this morning. "Oh," I responded distractedly, distant in my thoughts, mechanically taking the remaining steps to the door and continuing, "You're good with cars?"

"I guess you could say that. It's sorta a hobby," Jacob offered, sounding, to my ears, humble to the fact, even as he lightly chuckled on a note I wasn't sure of. He had so many layers.

Jacob stuffed his hands into his front pockets, looking like he was going to continue. I obediently pressed my lips together, a far off voice making the point of _six seconds ago you were feeling disconnected, and now you're feeling warm_… "So, uh, there's this bar downtown, Marlo's, Embry and I are there a lot, usually every Friday night. You should come by sometime."

When I failed to reply, he added, "I wanted to ask you that before I left, I didn't know when I'd see you again."

"Friday?" I asked after a beat, digging for clarification while battling with a different kind of shock because… I found I _liked_ Jacob; being in his orbit was uplifting, and he made me feel like we were old friends even if the only memories I had of him was mud pies and play dates on the beach, and the last, of when I was thirteen, at one of the Quileute's annual bonfires and he was one of the few to talk to me.

"Yep, Friday. Or, y'know, whenever's good for you. If you want. No rush."

I smiled a weak but honest smile and replied with a lighthearted, "I'll consider it. No promises. Me and bars aren't too familiar with each other anymore."

"This one's not so bad, promise. Good music, good drinks, good food…"

"Ah, all the important things."

He chuckled at my semi-joke, looking guilty, causing my smile to widen. "To some of us, yeah, maybe," he agreed, voice deep, pushing off of the doorway he was leaning on and taking a few steps back into the hall to glance further down, to Rebecca's office, I presumed. "I think my sister's waiting for me…well, her keys. That woman is so damn impatient." He paused. "I'll see you around?"

"Maybe sooner than you think," I offered, because part of me was ready to take up his offer of going to the bar Friday, but the _maybe_ was thrown in since my feelings are always up and down, constantly fluctuating. For the sake of what I came to Hawaii to try and do and escape, I'd give it a shot.

He smiled, accepted that answer, and set off for Rebecca's office, adding, "Marlo's," as a reminder in case I'd forgotten, or as if he didn't want me to forget.

Leaving work was always full of mixed feelings for me. Some days I liked staying in later, since I didn't have anything to go home to, but other days, like today, I was eager to be home and alone, but not entirely as eager as I was ten minutes ago.

/

The bar—_Marlo's_, as the lighted neon red sign spelled, flickering—was hidden at the opposite side of town, near the University. Appropriate and predictable, I figured, because Jacob and Embry were still in college, after all. There were places like this all over Arizona State University, one near the apartment I shared with a nutrition majoring roommate who liked to party her nights away, and was the same place I first experienced what _drunk_ was, even puking against the brick wall outside and spending the next morning wondering if the damage to my stomach and head was permanent, because _oww_. That was when bars and I became distanced and unfamiliar, and now, despite being one year freshly graduated from college, and only 23, standing outside a different bar on a different campus, which I was sure was filled with undergraduates, made me feel…old.

I was always an old soul. Renee unintentionally made sure of that, and I spited her for it.

If I said _this_—choosing to go to a bar, alone (woman usually came to these things in pairs, right?), to meet Jacob and Embry—was the most spontaneous decision I had made within in the past year… it would sound falsifiable, and, yes, maybe it was. But right now, to me, it felt like a milestone, and I tried to not think about how I wished I had someone to share it with.

As the week dragged on at work, the idea of Friday became something to look forward to, because I honestly didn't have much else which encompassed that phrase, so I went with it.

Showing up tonight wasn't entirely a decision, I found, but was more of a _why not?_ I didn't move to Honolulu to resort to my old ways; I'd promised myself that back on the day Rebecca called to offer me the job, months ago. I would keep well on that promise, beginning tonight with baby steps. The want for change and something to happen in my life, to then _change_ it irrevocably, was fueling a fire in my chest even as it stomped all over me.

Inside was packed. Bodies, tall and obscuring, clogged space within the bar—a space of how vast I was unsure. I was eyelevel to shoulders and chests, and even on my tip-toes all within my vision was a sea of heads, some bobbing, all talking and creating a chatter that battled against a white noise of music. Live music. After a few attempts—squeezing between arms, backs, sides, to make my way further—I made out the black walls at the opposite end from where I stood, leading to a roof high above, fans swirling around in their own battle with body heat and island heat. The place wasn't all too big, square even as I followed the walls all the way around, but big enough to prove finding Jacob or Embry would be difficult for such a little person.

I had never been claustrophobic, but _holy crow_, didn't this place have a fire code and one of those plaques on the wall reading—warning—'_100 people max'_?

This was ineffable.

As the music resounded softer, as if coming to an end, I turned back the way I came, apologizing and mumbling _Excuse me, Excuse me, Excuse me_ as I weaved my way through the never-ending bodies, not sure where I was headed but clearly standing there like a lost puppy wasn't doing me any good.

I stopped by a supporting beam near the center of the room, running from ceiling to floor, wooden with notes and names and hearts and love notes engraved into it.

"Bella!"

Expectantly, I looked up from reading the engravings, straight ahead, hoping to see a friendly face and lips spilling my name, but nothing, only a woman working her way through the crowds, a tray held high above her head, balancing food.

"Bella!"

Turning, hearing the voice grow closer, I saw Jacob making his way towards me from behind, a head level above everyone else, stopping close in front of me once he was there and arching an eyebrow. "You came?" His eyes were shining, a smile also on his lips.

Well, at least someone else was as surprised as me.

"I distinctly remember you promising good food, good drinks, and good music, so I came to see if you were right or not."

The music picked up again, the kind that drowned any other sound to my ears and left a faint _ringing_ noise. His smile changed into a wide grin, lips pursing like he'd been challenged, causing him to nod.

A second later, Jacob leaned closer to me as a result of the noise in the air, one of his hands supporting on the beam beside my head. "Let's start with drinks. Can I buy you one?"

Barely could I hear the words, even with his lips so close to my ear, dragging a shiver out of me despite the _heat_ his breath fanned out, another source of heat lighting in my stomach. I pulled back slightly so he could see the agreeing nod of my head and the smile tugging at my lips.

"Bar's back here." He reached for my hand, pulling me along through the bodies once more; the destination, I made out a few seconds later, was indeed the bar, lengthy with filled bar stools and alcohol bottles all stacked in a pyramid like fashion against the wall behind with red back-lights.

He towed me towards a more barren, if that was even possible, end of the counter. "Stay here," he instructed kindly, letting go of my hand, leaving me with the realization that his skin was soothingly warm like the rest of him.

My eyes widened as I watched his figure round the counter, click open the small, leg-level door blocking people from entering to behind the bar, and walk his way back up so we were facing each other, but with the counter now separating us as if he was the bartender and I was the customer. I felt my jaw drop. What was he doing? "Jacob! What are you doing? Isn't that… _illegal_?" I had to raise my voice to be heard over music and lean forward onto the counter to project the words, hands supporting my weight.

He smirked at me, so fearlessly, and his eyes softened as he reached for two small glasses. "I work here. 'S not so much illegal then, Bells." His eyes fell away from me, and with a nod of his head and a smile to the woman working down the counter a ways serving thirsty customers, who must've either been a co-worker or a boss, but who nodded acceptingly nonetheless, his gaze was back to mine. "What do you want?"

"…Oh." I was still in a state of mild shock. He worked here? "Surprise me?" I asked, my smile apologetic to the meekness in my voice, which I still had to raise to be heard. The only real lady drink I was aware of was sex on the beach—Renee made a fuss of jokes over that one—and I _definitely _wasn't going to ask for that.

Jacob nodded, went to work, and minutes later produced one drink with brown liquids, and another, he handed to me, with a clear yet slightly cloudy color that remained nameless. He was back at my side quickly, ignoring the calls from other customers and the rude glares sent at us both.

"Embry and some of our friends are further back at a table. You can meet them," he offered, again having to lean down—which was quite a ways—to my ear to tell me, staying there until I breathed _Sure_ close to his own ear and he was reaching for my hand again to not lose me within the crowd and we were off.

It was much easier to make my way through by following behind Jacob. People seemed to just…_move _out of his way.

There weren't many tables, I discovered, only a few here and there that those who were sitting at must've arrived early to snatch. From the table Jacob led me to, with a nodding-to-the-beat Embry, I could finally make out the band near the left side of the square room a bit higher up, elevated on some higher floor, the people in front swaying to the music, trying not to spill their drinks.

I was introduced to Abram, Kale, Abel, Blake, and Nikki, in that order, who all waved or smiled or nodded their heads. I tried to memorize names and faces. Embry gave me a one armed hug that was thrown over my shoulders, squeezing, and mumbling something about _I'm surprised the crowd didn't eat you alive, shrimp_, which I think referenced how petite I was but wasn't so sure. Jacob chuckled, whispered in my ear from behind that Embry had been drinking a bit too much tonight and to ignore anything he says at all costs.

At the end of the table, I sat in the empty chair between Jacob and the girl who I remembered as Abel. They were all turned in their chairs, watching whatever band was playing perform lyric-less music with strong beats, so I followed, being able to take in the entire bar of _Marlo's_ from where I sat, and finally having time to _breathe_.

I took a sip from the drink Jacob had made me for the first time, ending up smiling to myself afterwards. It was sweet; the alcohol taste very distant under richer tasting pineapple and coconut flavors. I had always hated the taste of strong liquor.

Setting it aside, I turned to face Jacob, discovering he was already watching me with black but inviting eyes. I took the chance to lean closer as he had done so many times to talk over everything else, and thanked him for the drink while adding, "So, you're a bartender?" and trying not to notice that he smelled distinctly like the smoke rising from wood chips and evergreen.

"I'm whatever the place needs: waiter, server, bus boy, bartender, bouncer if things get too heated. I think that's why they hired me. That, or my personality and good looks," he joked with a deep chuckle, flashing his teeth, and I thought _Or maybe for your smile._

"This place is pretty popular?" I guessed, turning in my chair so that we were facing each other. The ice in my drink sent the most pleasant chill down my throat and into the pit of my stomach with each sip, a nice parallel to the heat inside.

"Lately, but only because the other bar closer to campus got shut down for serving underage students. Nice for us, I guess." He shrugged, his attention, which I would have guessed would've been elsewhere, like on his friends, on the band, on anything else… was instead on me.

To carry on the conversation, wanting to know so much more about him, I asked, "You're graduating soon, right?" I remembered a distant conversation the night I was over at Rebecca's having dinner about the matter.

He nodded while taking a sip from his drink.

"What's your major?"

"Business. I get my AA from the community college in a month."

I grinned a soft smile, relieved once the music came down and we could talk from a close and safe distance. "Planning on starting your own business?"

He laughed more than I anticipated, his free hand lightly squeezing on my knee then resting there. "Dunno yet what my plans are to be honest," he replied, then asked simply, "Did you always know what you were going to do after college?"

"Yes." I nodded. _Everything_. Everything was always planned out for me, by me. "I had it all planned out ever since I was a child." Except for the time when I wanted to be a mermaid for a year after watching _The Little Mermaid_ for the first time. Minor set-back.

Jacob had a different answer. I could tell by the frown on his face, his furrowed eyebrows and the crease caused between them. "I didn't think twice about college while growing up."

"Is that why you moved here?" I was still curious about that. I even went as far as asking Charlie when I called him last Saturday for his birthday. I mentioned something about the Blacks, hanging out with Jacob, in which Charlie replied _Great kid, that boy, wish he hadn't left home._ And to which I inquired, taking up the opportunity, _Why did he leave anyways?_

_Fresh start, maybe. Your guess is as good as mine, kiddo. _

He was quiet for the duration of my thoughts. "Nah. I just needed to get away. Becca's was the only place I could go. Money was tight," Jacob explained, every expression and body language that should have been there, giving him away, was instead controlled. "Want a refill?"

I allowed his quick distraction and change of subject matter. The glance I took of my drink told me I'd finished it off at some point, the fuzzy feeling in my arms telling me of something else. "Jacob Black, I really hope you're not trying to get me drunk."

That eased the tension just a smidge. His smile was back. "That drink I made you barely has any alcohol. You'd have to be a lightweight to get wasted off of that."

When I blushed crimson, lowered my eyes because I _am_ a lightweight, he laughed softly and offered, "Maybe a soda then?"

"No, no…that's okay. I liked what you made me before. I'll have that, please." It was good, tasty even. A little more wouldn't hurt.

"Sure sure."

He took both of our glasses. I watched him go until he disappeared as just another body in a sea of them. When I turned my attention back to the table, Abel was looking at me curiously. She scooted her chair closer and asked, "Bella, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded, continued, "and you're Abel?"

"Yep. It's good to meet you. How long have you been here for?"

She wasn't precise, but I assumed she meant _here_ as in _Hawaii_. "About a month now. Are you from Hawaii?" Her skin was fair, tanner than mine, but her features weren't like those who were native to the island.

"Nope, I was born in Arizona. My family moved out here for work when I was sixteen."

Both my eyebrows shot far up. "Arizona? Where at? I'm from there, too."

"Flagstaff. You?"

"Phoenix."

"_Wow_. Small world." She ran a hand through her hair, a sandy blonde color, while her eyes looked me over. "How do you know Jake?"

I briefly hoped Jacob hadn't failed to mention he had a girlfriend and they were dating, but her gaze wasn't accusing so I explained, "We knew each other as kids. Our dads are friends. I work for his sister, Rebecca, as of recently. How about you?"

"College. We had a shit ton of classes together. I can't believe he's already graduating." She shook her head. "You met Blake, right?" She elbowed the man sitting next to her, and it was then I noticed they were holding hands underneath the table. "He's my boyfriend. He's the one who introduced me to Jake a few years ago. They work here together. We have the same major so he thought I could use a study-buddy or something," she laughed at the old memory, leaning closer to Blake who winked and shrugged, mouthing something like _You ended up thanking me in the end_ but the music was back and droned everything out.

Jacob returned at that moment, the two same drinks as before in the glasses in his hands. As soon as he sat, facing me in the way we had before, but closer, pulling my chair to his to make it so, he asked, "Tell me about Phoenix. Didn't you have plans to move up to Forks awhile back?"

I told him what I had told Rebecca. I told him about Renee's eagerness to travel with Phil, how I hated keeping her grounded, my plans of deciding to live with Charlie for her sake, Phil's hit and run accident just days before my flight, his struggle to walk. My lips were at his ear through the entire story which I felt spill right out of me, his head occasionally nodding along, causing our skin to _just_ touch. One of his hands rested at my left knee and lower thigh the whole time, his thumb stoking fire each time it moved back at forth, his other fingers digging and curling into the under part of my leg connecting my knee and thigh and sometimes that touch was all I could focus on because of what it was doing to me.

He got me talking about college, which wasn't a full story to tell, but there it went. When I asked about La Push, he replied with trivial things: small town, couldn't get into much trouble, Quil and Embry, barely graduating high school, tribal issues, but never anything that alluded to why he left for Hawaii so I concluded mentally that it must not have been a big deal.

When my second drink was finished and started to kick in, and after Jacob and I had finally torn ourselves away from each other, leaving my stomach warmed and in knots, but I blamed that on the alcohol buzz, I somehow allowed Abel to drag me out to where the dancing crowd was. The beat to the song being strung out was so…_smooth_, and the usual pressing and constraint of my mind was gone, so I moved with it, arms above my head.

As a different song was played, Blake joined Abel, scaring her from behind with arms wrapped around her waist until he took her by the hand and spun her around like princess in a fairytale before their lips and bodies found each other.

I was saved from the awkwardness by Jacob appearing next to me, who, like Blake, took me by the hand, held above my head, and spun me into several circles, dragging out a laugh from deep within my lungs that he shared as a smile. The dizziness and lack of judgment in my mind told me I was walking the tightrope between buzzed and drunk, because everything just felt _easy_ when it normally never did.

It didn't remain that way for long. I turned to face Jacob, my body no longer swaying as the music became softer.

His hand slipped to my lower back, pressing, fingers curling and uncurling, tiptoeing along my spine, palming my hip. My chest grew heavy under a rise and fall of nervous breaths, and the single time my eyes left his own, glossy and full of fire, was to watch his tongue dart out to wet his lower lip.

"Can we get out of here?"

When I nodded once, a shy, unpresumptuous bob of my head that I didn't think twice about, I nodded with no expectation of inviting him inside my condo later that evening when we took a taxi ride home, nor the expectation of discovering how soft and warm and _devouring _his lips were on mine just moments after.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Ch. 5**_

_Cold_.

The first thought to reach my mind as I woke to the distant sound of air whooshing around a fan was a dismayed yet groggy _Why am I so cold?_

Goosebumps ran along my arms and rubbed against the single silk sheet covering my curled body.

_Cold_. I processed the word further through a foggy and thick with sleep thought-track. Since being in Hawaii, I hadn't felt nor _been_ this cold, even with the air-conditioning on—which was never very high in the first place, I preferred the warm over all else.

A shiver hit me, starting at my neck and working its way down, as I sat up and away from the body heat left in the mattress and curved into the spot I'd been laying in. Concerned only with finding the god-awful source of the chill, I squinted from behind heavy eyelids around my room to do so, as if expecting a large sign to point me towards its cause. The blood drained from my brain the moment I was sitting fully upright, causing a dizzying effect and a _pound_ing feeling I'd only ever experienced once before to start in and against my skull. The light in the room—drifting in from the window, the curtains normally closed were _not_ this morning—burned my retina.

I knew what this was.

_Oww_.

My hands, previously clenched at my chest, holding the sheet to my body, instantly reached for my head in a fit of fear. The memory of my first hangover four years ago was so vivid and clear that going through that level torture again became a fear because pain and I did _not_ get along.

Everything lessoned as time continued, I discovered; the pounding gone.

I went to breathe a sigh of relief and clutch my hands to my chest as a way of expressing _Oh thank God_, because all left was a slight, very manageable head-throb, but froze when I discovered my chest was bare, my hands met by no over-sized t-shirt, only skin.

The sheet had fallen off of me, revealing how…_naked_ I was, from top to bottom.

I stared, eyes flicking back and forth, up and down.

No wonder I was so cold.

I crawled out from my bed, walked soundlessly to the wall near the door where the switches controlling the fan were, turned it off, and ran to dig into my hamper for a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt I knew were there because I never ever needed them. In the middle of pulling the jacket over my head and the tangled mess of my hair, my eyes—still squinted—caught sight of a piece of paper balancing on my cell phone that sat neatly on the bedside table.

I tip-toed towards it, blinking a few times to read the written words scribbled onto a receipt:

_Got your number from your cell,  
I'll call you. _

No name was signed, but I knew who it was from the instant my stomach began to tingle and warm and shoot off fireworks. The feeling caused me to sink into a seated position on my bed and stare at the paper still held between the tips of my fingers, my lips forming around the word _Oh._

Little pieces and fragments and _touches _of the night before began to come back to me. Slowly at first, as if I was easing myself into a tub of scolding hot water toes first: the silent but tense cab ride home, inviting him inside my condo just because it seemed like the thing to do, standing pushed against the wall curving from my kitchen to hallway, watching Jacob lean in for my lips…

The rest—the rest because there was so much _more_—hit me not so kindly and with twenty times more force than the previous images and I remembered everything.

The kiss was at first just a touch of the lips.

My eyes slipped shut in a desire-filled anticipation when he leaned closer. Against my lids was the hungry look in Jacob's eyes as he pinned me to the spot I was already backed against, touched a hand to my hip with digging fingers, stepped his body closer, and the only thing I could make sense of was that I wanted him to keep touching me until I couldn't think anymore.

The rational, very prominent side of my brain briefly made out that through this all we hadn't uttered more than a few words to each other since our leaving from Marlo's. Part of me began questioning why this was happening, what I was doing, what _he_ was doing, but when our tongues met and lips parted, it felt like someone had started a fire between us, because I went up in flames, and all my rational fell away more quickly than it ever had.

Aside from wanting Jacob to keep touching me—his hands were somewhere at my hips, running up my sides, down to my rear, back up to my ribs, in my hair, _everywhere_—I was now more worried about wanting him to never stop kissing me. His lips and tongue and hands were so dominating, and when I groaned from loss as Jacob pulled away, I was quickly moaning with something else entirely as his mouth continued on to taste my neck, teeth scraping, and his hands slipped up the back of my shirt, pushing it forcefully up and then tracing and touching any undiscovered part of me he could.

My own hands were moving from his back to his abdomen, the shirt he was wearing allowing me to feel every dip of his skin meeting muscle, but everything Jacob was doing to me made it hard and frustrating to concentrate on top of how buzzed and free from my mind I was.

The kissing went on. His mouth on mine was more attacking, more intense, causing my toes to curl and heart to race.

No longer were my feet on the ground. I was in Jacob's arms, my legs around his waist and hands in his hair for a too quick moment because immediately after I was helping him tug my shirt over my head, free from my arms, and jointly allowing it to fall to the floor before I was pushed back against the wall, the coolness of it a sharp contrast to the fire Jacob was building that started at every tip and nerve of my body and connected to a source between my legs. His lips and grip on me began to be more forceful, more clear, and one of my hands responded by slipping between both of our chests, heaving from pounding hearts and an even greater anticipation, to reach for the hem of his shirt, my fingers burning once they came in contact with the skin just above where his jeans rested low on his hips. His skin and nerve endings twitched there, like mine did everywhere he touched.

"_Bella_," he growled, and I already had the answer he was demanding prepared at my lips.

"First," I stuttered, breathless, "first door… on the"—I tried to focus but he was making it _so_ hard—"on the right."

I felt like I was floating. Jacob's steps were silent and free of movement, even as I pulled at his jaw—the ends of hair—so that I could continue kissing those lips of his, and he didn't hesitate or stumble or pull away to see but moved so soundlessly, so quickly, so knowingly, all until my back was met by the door blocking my room. Jacob shoved me roughly against it, his hands clawing at my thighs. I was in no way about to take my hands off of him or break the fusion of our lips to fumble for the doorknob, and seemed like Jacob wasn't willing to do the same either.

My body began to slide down his, and when I felt the hardness of his erection through his jeans and pressing into my center, a loud moan and a grind of our hips was shared between the two of us. Jacob's urgency after that moment took over and then suddenly there was nothing behind my back and he was stumbling into my room.

"Bed," I told him as a breath of air, my lips still finding a way to touch his through it.

We toppled onto the bed sideways, parallel to the headboard, the familiar softness of my mattress and silk sheets at my back. The fall had slightly stunned me, drawing my attention away from keeping my whole body touching Jacob's, and too soon after I felt a rush of cool air fall over my naked torso. I opened my eyes to find him standing at the edge of my bed, which gave me the smallest of seconds to catch my breath and rise onto my elbows. The room was dark; the only light peeking in from the open door was silhouetting Jacob who stood in front of it, his shadow falling over me. My eyes dragged up his body, watching as he tugged off his shirt by the hem, over his lifted arms, the shadows covering everything I wanted to see but seconds later would be feeling.

Jacob crawled up my body as soon as his shirt was off, and despite being distracted by the sight of him doing so, it didn't take away from being so alertly aware of his jean-clad thigh settling close to the middle area between my legs that spread for him, his chest lowering closer to mine, one hand finding my jaw, holding it, dipping my head back so that when he kissed me it was deep.

The roaring flames between us were back. Jointly we were both reaching the other's pants, trying to undo the buckles any way we could while our lips and bodies moved together but both our attempts were blocking the other's and it was useless. I groaned out of frustration into his mouth, pushing my hips off of the bed to try and get closer to him in some way and relieve the ache in between my thighs he was building and building and was dying to be touched. The contact of his thigh between mine met _exactly_ where I wanted it to, shooting the most pleasurable of pains all through me, and the next sound out of my mouth was a pleading whimper for _more_ while I continued to press and rub against his leg.

The moment was cut short.

Jacob abruptly sat back on his knees in a flash, tearing his lips from mine but leaving a growl behind. His hands took me by the wrists, pinning them to the mattress at my sides, not having to tell me to keep them there because his actions were so clear. Straight away he fumbled with unbuckling my pants, helping lift my hips so he could pull and tug the jeans off of me, down my butt and to my feet. He ran his hands back up my bare legs, standing pale against the black, controlling the shivers that told me of how completely turned on I was.

He was back above me in the same position as before.

I touched every part of him I could while he went to unclasp my bra.

I touched the skin above the waistline of his pants, dipping a finger where the jeans fell away from the v on his hips, feeling him respond by pushing into my hand. Faintly I heard the sound of fabric ripping followed by low grumbles coming from Jacob's chest. I barely had the time to continue my touching and trace my fingers up each dip of his abs, or around his back to scratch at the muscles, because his lips found and then wrapped around my right breast, his tongue drawing circles around my nipple, and one of his hands was between my legs, his thumb pressing at my clit and fingers rubbing me through my panties.

The moaned, "Jake," from my lips sounded like _Juh-ake_ but I didn't hear it because of the ringing in my ears. One of my hands mixed with the sheets far out at my side, fisting into a ball, the others nails digging into his side. As I pushed my hips lower to his hand, Jacob's lips continued downwards, over my stomach, and I was floating again.

He'd already gotten my panties removed and a finger deep inside me, curling upwards, further tightening the feeling in my lower stomach, by the time I breathed through what he was doing to me and fought for my voice, because it wasn't enough and I felt like I was going to explode with anticipation.

My plan to stop the teasing and to have him inside me was shutdown the instant Jacob's tongue slipped between my wet folds and his hands gripped the inside of my thighs, spreading me. I threw my head back, moaning, rising my hips from the bed. My hands fisted into sheets once more.

After his tongue circled my clit and the direct onslaught of pleasure waned, I was able to remember what my goal was before: him, inside of me.

Gathering my strength, trying to force my hips from not meeting each touch of his tongue, I tugged at his hair, panting out little moans as I said, "Jacob. Jake. Stop. " His head appeared above my blinking eyes seconds later, the back of his hand wiping at his mouth.

I sat up quickly, my breaths coming as pants, hoping to make my intentions clear as I reached for his jeans. He understood what I couldn't voice and had the jeans and his boxer briefs off within seconds, his erection free.

In my hand he was hot and heavy. I wrapped my fingers around him, stroking, feeling his length that made a quiver spread my toes to my fingers.

Jacob breathed a tortured moan of, "Shit, Bella," and the roughness of it told me he wasn't having what I wasn't having any of either. Another throaty growl and "Lay back."

I did so instantly. I felt the tip of him at my slit seconds later, and then just the head of him inside, stretching. His hand lifted my leg, hooking it over his hip, and pushed deeper and deeper until he was completely sheathed inside of me. We both moaned, mine more of a cry as I threw my head back, arching my body off the bed as he started moving, driving into me, tilting—_pulling_—my hips upwards and hitting a spot with each thrust that had noises and sounds and cries spilling from my throat from how overwhelming his fullness and length was within me.

"_Ahh_, fuck, Bella," he whispered at my ear, groaning as his paced increased and became rougher, his hips rocking against mine. His teeth grazed my jaw as my nails grazed his back.

I was so close to climaxing so quickly. My hips, at this position, his length hitting that _spot_ repeatedly, it was all too much, more than anything I'd experienced with sex before. My pleaded, "Don't… stop. _Don't_—" was interrupted by his thumb rubbing circles at my clit, drawing an "_Oh_," and a long moan from my lips.

My body rocked with waves from my orgasm as I tightened around him, and the shuddering from the fall was dragged out as he continued pumping deeper and deeper, his fingers digging into my hips, and just as my eyes blinked open to awareness I felt Jacob come, his low growl and _Fuuuck_ at my ear.

We both caught our breath. Jacob rolled off of me seconds later, onto his back next to me. I focused on keeping the tingling feeling in my toes for as long as possible, not caring about the sweat on my body, how my chest was heaving, or how naked I was, now that the light from the door was falling directly on me. Even as I felt Jacob's eyes on my body, and found enough strength to turn my head and catch his gaze traveling up my legs, my stomach, to my chest, to my eyes, did I care.

Rolling onto his side, Jacob's hand fell to my hip, his thumb smoothing circles, as a smile and shake of his head controlled his expression.

"What?" I whispered, wondering if it was the buzz or the afterglow I was feeling.

Instead of responding, he kissed my neck, bit at my earlobe, and slipped his hand between my legs, two fingers back inside me.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and with the moan on my tongue came a hopeful, "One more time?"

He nodded into my neck like that had been his plan all along.

I was asleep moments after my third orgasm, exhausted and so content to stay floating even in my dreams.

The last thing I remembered before waking up, and rediscovering _everything_ from the night before after reading Jacob's note written receipt, was that at some point during the early morning—I could tell it was early because of the birds outside and the light in the room—I woke into a state of half conscious and half asleep, and because last night had been so real, the feel of Jacob's sleeping body wrapped behind mine and the hot breathes and even hotter kisses at the back of my neck and our feet roaming and legs tangled must have been real, as well.

I set the receipt aside with unsteady hands.

Over my shoulder, I glanced a look back at my bed, tousled sheets and all, unsure of how to react. Was calm a proper way to respond to this? Because I didn't feel much else… besides the pleasing ache in-between my legs.

My thoughts drifted to Renee and how abnormally proud of me she would be. For a moment, the voice in the back of my head questioned _Did part of sleeping with Jacob come from Renee's constant pressuring_? Part of me wanted to answer _yes, maybe it was a factor_, and that, of course, scared me.

But she would be proud, wouldn't she? She'd burst into a fit of unavoidable squeals and excitement if I gave her _details_ and told her _stories_, like the ones she was always searching for.

My bitter laugh at how right I was became interrupted by the familiar sound of dog tags clinking. Beau was on the bed moments later, letting out a small whine.

The look on his face—like he _knew_ what happened last night—suddenly had a wave of guilt towing me under a tide of mixed feelings.

"Don't look at me like that," I muttered under my breath, rubbing my hands over my face and under my eyes.

His tail wagged, tongue lolled, and he inched closer. I knew what those movements meant. "Okay, fine, I'll let you out to go pee. I should really invest in a doggy-door for you, Beau."

Outside was drizzling light rainfall. Not far away was the sun and a clear sky, a rainbow somewhere between as if it were a zipper connecting the two. I sank to one of the porch steps leading down the walkway, watching Beau as he rolled in the patch of grass, reflecting the light from where little drops of rain formed at its tips.

I pulled my knees to my chest, folded my arms on top of them, and balanced my chin atop of that, thinking.

Sex was always just sex for me.

I lost my virginity to the boy I dated my freshman year of college. We had been dating for no more than a month before I decided to sleep with him, because I was so _curious_ about sex and he was more than willing to show me. Eight months later we broke up, the sex between us dulling overtime. Surely I wasn't in love with him, but I did my share of crying and moping around for the months following.

Then there was Kevin, who I never dated but tried the whole friends-with-benefits thing with because after my first relationship I decided becoming too dependent on someone wasn't anything I needed to get involved with. Hurt was more _hurt_ful for me than anybody around me, I discovered. I let things and people inside too quickly.

Kevin was great, but things, too, eventually dulled around my senior year when he met some pretty, freckle-skinned girl who may or may not have stolen his heart.

The year between working at a library in Phoenix and moving to Honolulu was lonely, uneventful, and then I ended up here, sleeping with Jacob Black within two weeks of seeing him again for the first time in a decade.

I felt my mouth dry with a horrid realization, and I winched a sharp, "_Oh my god_."

I slept with my boss's brother.

Her _younger _brother.

My hands were too small to hide the humiliation on my face.

/

The first thing I did once I was back inside was clean. It was a compulsion, something to keep me from over thinking.

I picked up my shirt in the hallway, picked up my jeans and underwear and bra—_oh_, a clean tear was straight through the side—scattered at different spots in my room to wash alongside the sheets previously on my bed. The second part of the cleaning included a shower, a rub down of my hair and body, but even then I could still smell Jacob's scent on me and nor did I mind.

Deciding that nursing a mild hangover was enough reason to stay indoors the rest of the day, I didn't feel so bad curling on the couch with the remote in my hand, flicking back and forth between channels, a fresh copy of _Wuthering Heights_ on the floor below me, and a pillow beneath my head because I was sure to nap and sleep off what my body wasn't used to, internally and externally, for the next several hours.

Between occasional naps, switching between reading and watching the Food Network, and getting up to get a drink or food from the kitchen, I became glued to the same spot on the couch until late into the evening. Half the time my thoughts were focused on trying to figure out what the protocol for calling the person you'd just slept with the night before was. Three days? Five? A week?

I was anxious.

Even as it neared midnight, it was all I thought about. The many naps kept me up. I was in the middle of preparing to make soup and grilled cheese when my cell phone rang from my room, the same spot I'd found it and left it at this morning.

My stomach dropped because talking to Renee was the last thing I wanted and talking to Jacob, the idea of it, had butterflies overpopulating in my stomach. Who else would be calling so late?

The screen showed an unidentified number when I finally made it to my room, but the city's area code stood out so acutely to my eyes. I swallowed and coughed to clear my throat so I wouldn't sound so completely hoarse.

As the last ring neared before the call went to my voicemail, I built up the courage to press the green enter button. "Hello?" I tried to sound as casual as possible. My voice ended up cracking from how dry my throat and mouth became.

"Hey," his voice was low, and it took me right back to last night. "It's Jake."

I breathed a nervous, much softer, "Hi."

His end was silent for seven seconds. I counted in my head, rolling my lower lip between my teeth. "Can I see you?" he asked, pausing. "We should… talk about last night."

My stomach churned. I eyed the clock on my bedside table. 11:02. Hesitant, I pointed out, "Isn't it a little late?"

"Uh, yeah, shit, sorry. I just got off work. I didn't realize…"

"It's okay," I interrupted. "I'm up. You can come over. So we can… talk about things."

"Sure sure. See you in a few, Bella."

"See you," I agreed softly, waiting for the dial tone before hanging up. Despite feeling torn, talking about last night sooner rather than later was logical. Jacob wasn't just some…_random _guy. I knew his whole family. I was growing closer to his sister. Counting on never seeing him again and forgetting the whole thing ever happened would have been so easy if it weren't for those other factors, but I doubted even then I could just brush off how amazing everything from the night before was and how I genuinely liked Jacob Black.

Back in the kitchen, I continued preparing my meal so that when Jacob did arrive, I would have some sort of way to filter my nerves.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at my door. Beau barked at it three times.

When I answered, Jacob was standing with his hands in his front pockets and a half smile.

Everything awkward was there, between us, even as I invited him inside and offered, "Um, I'm making grilled cheese. Want any?"

"Nah, I'm good. I ate at the bar. But thanks."

I nodded and turned the heat on the two pans down. My appetite was gone.

We stood at different ends of the kitchen, Jacob leaning back against the island counter with crossed legs, and me leaning back against the counter opposite him, arms crossed defensively over my chest, both searching for something to say.

"Look, Bella," Jacob started, a wince on his face. "I'm sorry."

I blinked. Sorry?

"For last night," he clarified, the muscle along his jaw tightening.

I winced because it felt like a direct blow to my gut. Was I not good enough? I didn't speak for the sake of making myself appear pathetic. All I did was cross my arms tighter to my chest, because by the sound of it he regretted everything.

"I didn't…" He sighed, caught my gaze and in his was pleads. "I didn't invite you to Marlo's to get you drunk and bring you home, Bella. It wasn't some plan I had. I feel like a complete dick."

_Oh_. I understood now.

"No." I shook my head. "Don't," I told him, my mind cleared. "I mean…don't feel that way, I didn't think that about you. I was there, too. We're adults. These things happen all the time…"

"It doesn't matter. You're not that type of girl to me." He rubbed a hand at his neck. I'd seen that move before, and it was always associated with nerves. "You're not _some_ girl, you're… Bella."

I cracked a small smile and replied matter-of-factly, "Yes, and you're Jacob."

He shook his head like I still wasn't getting his point, his eyes darker. "I've had a crush on you for as long as I can remember. You're the one that got away. I don't want this to just be some one-night stand."

I blushed, nodded my understanding while staring down at my fingers and whispered, "Maybe we can start over…as friends, because I don't want that either."

When I looked up, Jacob was smiling. "Sure sure. Friends. I'd like that, Bells."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Ch. 6**_

My knuckles connected twice with the oak of a wooden door. "Rebecca?"

Thinking those two knocks on her office door was enough of a precedent and a courtesy to let her know I was coming in, I reached for the handle and poked my head inside the space I'd cracked open and into the light of the room painted by floor to ceiling walls. Immediately she waved me in, but with no response or greeting other than a finger to her lips silently communicating _shhh_. Her other hand balanced a phone to her ear and shoulder.

I crept soundlessly inside, making sure the door didn't so much as make a squeak in protest while shutting it.

Sinking into one of the two chairs curved in front of her blackened-wood desk, I tried to wait patiently through the phone call Rebecca was engaged rather animatedly in to end. As the seconds ticked on by, the idea of running away with my tail between my legs as the nerves on top of possible judgment clawed at my stomach, fisting it into a tight ball the more I thought about what I was about to tell her. My heart pounded unsteady rhythms in my ears as I grew clammy under a wave of sweat.

Practicing deep breaths wasn't helping my case in the least, either. All the air I was sucking in logged in my throat, a force against the words uprooted there.

Beneath my eyes, the bags ached. I had been up all night rehearsing what I would tell Rebecca on Monday morning – _now_ – after a brief phone call with Jacob the evening prior.

"_I should tell Rebecca._"

"_She doesn't need to know."_

"_Of course she does!"_

"_If you're that worried about it, I can tell her, Bella…"_

"_No, no… As appealing as that sounds, I think I should be the one to."_

What was I thinking? Some secrets were okay to have. If I knew how to have any I would—

Rebecca's strangely cheery voice, for how expressive it was before, interrupted the preaching of my conscience and what would have opportunely led into another rehearsal explaining very simply put that I had slept with Jacob. And that I was telling her this because I didn't want it to seem like I was intentionally sneaking behind her back and thus having her think of me as conniving or untrustworthy.

_Guilt_, was the answer my gut gave in response to my bashing question from before.

"Sorry," she apologized._ "_That was another company in San Francisco. Anyways, what's up? You look… tired and worn out. Long weekend? Embry mentioned you were at Marlo's Friday night? I introduced them to that bar, you know. Don't let either of them take any credit for 'discovering' the place. It was all my doing. Tell me, how was it?"

I closed my eyes and inhaled, feeling my lungs expand, reading myself. The next words slipped out easier than I imagined or thought possible through the very slim expansion in my compressed, choked throat. "I actually came to talk to you about that…"

When I peeked an eye open, Rebecca was leaning forward on her desk, an arched eyebrow urging me on. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"Umm…yes. Sort of. Something. Not anything bad or anything you should worry about. It's just… Jacob invited me, as you may know, and so I went and we, er…" Wincing, I mumbled out the last few words as quickly as possible. And they certainly didn't come out the way I had rehearsed. "We had a few too many drinks and went back to my place and ended up sleeping together and the whole thing was a big, fat blur…well, some parts, but—"

Rebecca's eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of her head the instant she seemed to process and catch on to what I was saying. She quickly interrupted me with, "I _don't_ need to hear this, in _any_ context, whatsoever, about my baby brother. In my eyes he's still the same 9 year old I feel very protective of who wouldn't even go near a girl with a ten inch pole because they have cooties. Please don't ruin that innocence for me." Her hands, with her words, clapped over her ears.

The blush on my face began to drip down my neck, hot like lava.

"I…wasn't planning on going into much detail," I told her awkwardly, eyes lowered to the hem of the pencil skirt rising at my knees, knowing she could very well still hear my voice through the slim barrier of her palms. "I felt like I should tell you, not hide anything or be…secretive. I'm sorry. It just…happened. I don't exactly know to react to this kind of situation and I respect you enough to tell you."

The silence that followed was uplifting and processing on Rebecca's part. I could see it in her eyes. "It's…okay," Rebecca breathed, testing the words and repeated, "It's okay. Better you than the last girl Jake dated, honestly. And I appreciate you… explaining the situation, it seems like it's been eating at you, but don't feel like you owe telling anything like that to me."

It was my turn for my eyes to bulge from one word in the string of her sentences that I was _stuck_ on. "Oh! We're not dating. No… no. It was just drunken sex, I don't even know how he feels…" I swallowed over the lump of my words, not meaning to go there. The word_ sex_ caused another awkward rift between us. "We're just starting over. As friends. I think. I hope. That's the plan."

Rebecca's hands were back at her face, placed on her cheeks in bewilderment. "Jeeze-louise, I'm shocked at you, Bella Swan. I never suspected some vixen to be hidden under all that sweetness. Although, to be honest," she shrugged, "I did kind of see this coming."

"What! What do you mean you _saw_ this coming?" _Do I seem like the type of girl—!_

Her laugh interrupted the continuation of my inner voices, and that alone relaxed the worry pinching my gut. "You two have this…weird vibe. I dunno. Obviously you two were blind to it up until recently—" She squeezed her eyes shut. "Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, bad thoughts…" I paled, not meaning to put such…_images_…in her mind. "Anyways. As long as we don't have any more of these conversations revolving around such…things…than I can approve of anything you and my brother have going on between the two of you. Just don't bring it into work. But start coming over for dinner more often, would you?"

I was halfway to the door, feeling as though her last words were a way of dismal (I also wanted to escape and brood in self-pity), but paused despite myself. Turning back to face her, I asked just so we were clear, "So…you're not…mad? Or angry? You can tell me. Be honest."

"It's not my place to be mad." She smiled. "Just don't break his heart." Her pause hung in the air, trapped in the humidity as her nose crinkled. "That would put me in an awkward position."

/

_"You are the only one who has understood even a whisper of me, and I will tell you that I am the only person who has understood even a whisper of you," he told her. _

My elbows were growing stiff and sore from laying on my stomach and supporting my weight as I held the papers in my hands for a careful read-through, my feet up in the air, crossed at the ankles. It was hard to tear my eyes away from the manuscript spread across my carpeted living room floor.

Something…_buzzed_, and it was the single noise or distraction to interrupt me from my quiet world of editing for the past two hours.

I located my cell phone under the couch – how it got there baffled me – just as it was beginning to buzz for a second time. Text messages were a rare commodity for me, so when I realized the buzzing was its way of telling me I'd gotten one, I struggled with figuring out the logistics of it. The message, from an indexed _Jacob_, read:

_Are you free today?_

Blinking, I looked around, knowing this would be the spot I would remain in the rest of the day and that it qualified as _free_. _But_, I could also happily spend the remainder of Saturday right where I was and have no trouble qualifying _that_ as busy.

Although…

It had been a week since I'd last seen Jacob, and maybe he was trying to make steps in the right direction that I'd been too afraid to take? Pulling on my big-girl panties, I thumbed my reply.

_Very. Why?_

The next time the sound of a soft vibration resounded, I expected to see another message with an explanation and maybe some sort of proposal, but was instead greeted with an incoming call, the name _Jacob Black_ flashing with every buzz. Somewhere between last Saturday and this Saturday I'd added him to my contacts.

Sucking in a breath of fresh air as my heart and stomach suddenly both lurched forward, I answered with a casual, "Hello?"

"Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?"

Well, that was a bit forward. I asked in confusion, "Jacob?"

"Fifteen minutes," he repeated.

Sitting up rigidly, I looked down at myself and shrugged unsurely. "…Yes?"

"Good. Wear a bathing suit. And bring a towel."

"Wha—" The dial tone interrupted me before I could choke out another syllable. I cursed Jacob's abruptness under my breath, the lack of information he'd given me, but eased my body from the floor to _get_ _ready_.

Excluding the "day after" talk last weekend and our spontaneous plans made seconds ago, Jacob and I had talked a total of three times over the past week. The first and second times were about the Rebecca conversation, how that eventually went over and making sure in no way it put her in an uncomfortable situation, and the third was purely a simple conversation about things other than what happened one week ago. A _normal_ talk, like the ones we shared at the bar. More…friend-like.

I got ready slowly, knowing I wouldn't need the whole fifteen minutes to pull on a plain black swimsuit, shorts, a shirt, and tighten my hair back into a ponytail. I _did_ take the precaution of lathering sunscreen over every exposed inch of my skin, just so I would be prepared, and that took up the majority of the time. As I was gathering a towel and the SPF-50 bottle into a bag, my cell buzzed again and read:

_Out front._

I was out the door not five seconds later. Catching sight of Jacob across the street, I paused after locking the door, immobilized at what I saw he was standing against. Once I picked my pace back up, I checked twice to make sure no cars were coming and walked suspiciously closer towards where Jacob was across the road, parked at the curb, with an arched eyebrow and crossed arms.

He stood, arms – like mine – crossed, his feet mimicking the action, leaning back against a shiny, black piece of metal. The smirk eating his lips must've been from the reaction on my face.

I stopped walking when I was good foot in front of him and picked my jaw up from the ground.

"Sooo," I drawled, smiling my own playful yet sarcastic grin and giving him and the _thing_ a once over, "this must be the 'bike?'"

His chuckle was emphasized by how it boiled contagiously in my stomach. One of his hands patted the seating. "This is the bike," Jacob agreed with a nod of his head, stepping away from the motorcycle and zeroing in on my reaction, which must have been a mixture of deer in-the-headlights eyes and pee-worthy excitement.

"Scared?"

"No," I justified quickly. "_No_. Thrilled. It seems like such a rush."

"It is," Jacob agreed, more serious as he held my gaze, hesitating. "Wanna ride?"

I nodded like a child nodding for a lollipop. _Do I ever_? My heart was already racing, and not just because of the affect he had on me. Jacob handed me a helmet twice the size of my head.

"Two things first."

"Shoot."

"Hold on tight. That one's obvious. Second, lean with me into the turns. It throws me off balance when someone leans the opposite way cause they think we're going to fall over. We're not. Don't worry."

Even pursing my lips couldn't keep the half-witted reply from my tongue. "You have a lot of girls on the back of your bike?"

Scratching his chin, Jacob shifted uncomfortably. "Walked right into that one, didn't I?"

I shrugged. "Lucky for you I'm much too numb with adrenaline to care." So he knew I was teasing, I flashed him my best smile. "So, where is this place you're planning on taking me?"

"The bathing suit and towel should've given that one away, Bells." He helped ease the helmet over my head, his fingers just briefly touching my neck and the taste of it lingering.

Jacob straddled the worn-leather seats and slipped on his own helmet, and above the roar of the motorcycle coming to life, he called out, "Hop on!"

We took off after I placed my body behind his, arms barely fitting around his midsection but hands fisting his shirt for extra hold. I kept my head away from resting at the spot between his shoulder blades; the world rushing by held the attention of my eyes, even as the vibration droned out any other sound to my ears and silenced everything else inside me. I felt the same peacefulness I discovered in the weeks before as the sun beat down on my back.

Time I lost track of, but right away I recognized the beach of Waikiki when it came into sight over Jacob's shoulder however much later. Different parts of me were pulled in opposite ways; to the beach, to the _water_, and wanting to stay on the back of his bike forever and watch the rest of the world float by without so much as an effect on us.

My indifference didn't put up a fight as Jacob pulled into a parking spot, turned off the engine, and slipped his helmet off. My arms unlocked from around him in the same moment, fingers stiff. I flexed them experimentally.

I was wobbly on my feet when I stood on the unmoving pavement beneath me, the difference a far cry from the movement of the bike once below and in-between my legs that I could still feel vibrating through me. Jacob caught my arm instantly to steady me from where he still sat on the bike, catching my gaze with question, our heads almost parallel.

"Dizzy," I explained, closing my eyes to chase away the tilting world and pulling the helmet back over my head in the same movement to rub a hand at my sweaty forehead, feeling the rush from the ride still pushing through my veins, tingling at the tips of my fingers and toes. I sucked in a breath with a smile once I felt balanced. "That was incredible!"

I watched his lips spread into a familiar grin. "By the way you were holding onto me I would have guessed otherwise," he teased.

Oh. That must've been why my fingers were so locked and stiff. "Well I didn't want to _fall off_. I'm prone to injuries, Jacob. It's a natural reflex."

"Yeah, I believe that, all right," he smirked, a chuckle coming from his lips the sound of honey, and secured the helmets before turning to stand fully in front of me, the keys disappearing somewhere in the pocket of his shorts. I gently smacked his arm for his retort, but put no real force behind it. "C'mon, we don't have all day. Embry, Abel, and Abram are here somewhere. I told Embry we'd meet up with 'em if you agreed to tag along. Keep an eye out."

Somehow that both relieved yet gutted me, because it wasn't just us two, it was a _friend_ outing. For now I was feeling the relief, because it took away any pressure or expectation, but even then I'd never felt that form of stifled around Jacob. And he seemed to be taking this "friend" thing seriously so I compromised with a simple, "Okay."

As we began to walk, Jacob took my hand in his, but in a platonic way, with our hands clasped and fingers far from being interwoven. Like the time weeks ago on the same beach, we trudged through the sinking sand, each step flinging little pebbles up to the back of my bare legs with each dip of my sandals.

A ways down the coast, after a walk of Jacob explaining how he'd built the motorcycle from scratch and that it's his _baby_, we spotted Abel. She met us at the front of where three towels and one cooler were placed on their secluded spot of the fairly unpopulated section of the beach. I was already building a sweat from the heat.

"Bella! Hey!" She waved enthusiastically, pushing her sunglasses up to her damp hair. Jacob let go of my hand as we stopped in front of her.

I greeted her just as happily, feeling slightly childish for applauding myself for making another friend outside of anyone with the last name _Black_. "Hi, Abel. It's nice to see you again." It _was_. Having someone else around who was just as petite as me was a breath of fresh air.

"Where are the guys?" Jacob interrupted, holding a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked out over the ocean.

"Out in the water. I was on a pee break and then spotted you two. I'm gonna head back out. The surf is ridiculous today, you gotta get out there, Jake."

With her words she began to move, step backwards and turn. My eyes followed Abel and her petite frame pick up the nearest surfboard twice her size, hold it to her side with zero effort, and head out into the waves.

I turned back to Jacob, lips parted in awe. "Does_ everybody_ here surf?"

"Not everyone," he assured with a shrug. "But it's pretty damn popular. Wanna learn? I'll teach you, if you want. You should experience the culture a bit, Bells." Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he smiled expectantly with his teeth at his lower lip.

My lips puckered at the proposition. _Surfing? Me?_

To that same look he must've seen right through, Jacob responded encouragingly, "Awe c'mon, honey, it won't be that bad."

"I'm not implying _it _will be bad. I'm implying _I'll_ be bad. It's hard enough to try to maintain my balance when walking." I would end up making a fool out of myself one way or another, _but_ the idea was appealing.

"The water won't hurt you."

"Sharks?"

"They'll go for me before they go for you."

"Where's the nearest hospital?"

Jacob squinted his eyes at the game I was playing, but challenged, "Two and a half miles east," with cocky half-smile.

I sighed like the decision was such a great weight on my shoulders and his response was the pulley lifting it away. "I'll think about it. But no promises."

"Sure sure. Let's head out." Excitedly, he tossed his shoes and shirt, always shrugging out of it so fast, off to where the other towels and clothes were scattered.

I took my own shirt and shorts off more slowly when Jacob's back was turned. Carefully, I rolled out my towel and laid my folded clothes and bag on top of it, out of the sand, and tried to unnoticeably adjust my swimsuit in certain _places_, self-conscious. When I turned around, my hands lifting to tighten my hair further back, I caught Jacob's gaze drifting from a lower part of me and to the single surfboard left behind in his large hands, standing at his side.

The fact that he had been looking made my heart race. I was sure the rough beats pounding at my chest and ribs were noticeable, because the last time we were in such an undressed state was in an entirely different setting which, in itself, was hard _not _to think about. That feeling only increased once we both fully faced each other, Jacob with the surfboard now held perpendicular to his side, and an eternity seemed to have passed as we just… _stared_.

It was difficult to look at Jacob half-clothed, already knowing and experiencing what the rest of him was like. My eyes strayed more than once. Breathing the air between was like swallowing lung-fulls of electricity that stayed logged in my throat, frequently stinging with little reminders of how he felt against me.

How was I supposed to think of anything else?

It needed to gone. Disappear. Poof.

What broke the trance was Jacob moving to rub a hand at the back of his neck, ducking his head to find my eyes. "Ready?"

I nodded mutely, abashedly, intent on keeping my eyes north of anywhere below his neck for the rest of the afternoon, and to abide by my rule of _Poof_, and followed him out to where the water met the sand. I paused in my steps at that point. Toes first, holding my breath, I stepped forward so my feet met the current. The water was warm, like the rain. Warmer than the water in La Push – _so_ much warmer than that ice-cold memory – but still a cool relief against the humidity on the island. _Tolerable_ was the right word.

It wasn't until Jacob called out to me and asked if I was all right that I tore my gaze and thoughts away from the sea-blue water encircling my ankles and exactly how it felt against my skin each time the water rose and fell, to realize I must've been in my own little world a bit longer than necessary comparing the two things.

I waded into the water until I was hip-deep, and then dove straight under the nearing wave arms and head first. Resurfacing, I swam until I was about a foot away from Jacob, out deep enough to have to stand on my tip toes. I wiped away the water at my eyes, so content at the relief against my pores.

While I struggled to balance on my toes, I noticed the water wasn't even up to Jacob's chest.

"Make up your mind?" he asked, patting the surfboard appearing weightless atop the water and anchored by his arm.

I nodded my head, smiling. "Go out and have fun with your friends, Jake. I'll be fine swimming, believe me."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

For only a half of a quick second he looked conflicted, but his head nodded resolutely, a hand pushing back his own wet hair. "I'm just gonna go say hi and hit a few a waves then I'll be back."

My eyes narrowed. "Take your time. _Really_. The last time I was in an ocean like this was back in La Push. I'm perfectly content to take it all in for a while." To prove that, I started floating on my back, suddenly thankful I had put on that sunscreen, because it seemed as if the sun was beating down directly on me.

"Be back in a few."

Turning my head, I watched Jacob paddle away on the board. "Take your time!" I called after him, already feeling guilty for ruining his fun and not wanting to add to that, but I figured the chances of ruining that same fun even more with an ER visit was exponentially higher than the chances of being a buzz-kill.

"Yeah yeah," came his sarcastic remark as his hand waved dismissively at me. From over his shoulder, Jacob winked just before he dipped under an incoming wave.

The current eventually carried me back, in no rush, to the shore. From lying afloat on my back, I could lower my foot and touch the ground, and soon I was washed far enough back to sit. I repeated the process once more: dive under a wave, swim until my tiptoes couldn't touch the floor, float on my back, reach the shore...

From where I finally came to rest seated at the shore, still unknowing of how much time had passed, my feet and butt in the water and knees up to my chest, I could faintly make out Embry, Abram, Abel, and an even more vivid Jacob out in the distance the closer I stared, all waiting for the perfect wave. I watched until the Jacob-blob caught a wave and danced with it. My fingers sank into the wet sand, disappearing, reappearing with handfuls that fell with _plops_ between the spaces in my fingers back to its home as I watched and watched.

At some point I started building a small sand castle which consisted of handfuls of the same wet sand plopped on top of each other, molded securely into a cone shape between the palms of my curved hands. The smell of the ocean alone made me think of Charlie and Forks. As I sat at the shore, building the world's worst sandcastle, I couldn't help but wish I had something more from La Push and my visits down there with Charlie to compare everything to from now, in this moment, besides the bone-cold water.

If I had moved up there, if Phil hadn't gotten hit, _would _I have become more familiar with La Push? Sometimes – _now_ – it was hard to distinguish if my memories of the place were built in the temple of my creative mind or if the real thing really was quite as beautiful as I remembered and believed it to be.

I was building a second castle to join the first when I heard my name.

"Bella!"

Knowing it was Jacob's voice, I looked up to find him closer to the shore than where he was previously. One of his hands was waving me out to him. My hair was growing dry, if that was any indication of the time that had passed between now and then, but I made sure that changed as I stood up, walked deep into the water, and dove under a wave for the third time.

Leisurely, I swam the length until I could grip onto the front of the surfboard to hold myself up, the sea floor well below me. A glance over my shoulder told me I was much further out than I had previously explored. I kicked my legs in the water.

"Get on," Jacob's voice interrupted, his head nodding pointedly to the open space in front of him on the board just as I was turning mine back around.

I blinked, thinking I'd heard him wrong. "Huh?"

"Get on the board, Bells."

Figuring two people couldn't surf at once and that whatever this was wasn't _that_, I did as I was told, struggling. Once up, I breathed a weak sigh from the exertion and wiped a hand at the water dripping from my hair and to my face. We faced each other. Knees touching.

"I'll teach you the basics first."

The smile on my lips and shake of my head derived from his persistence. "You really want to waste a perfect day of surfing teaching me how to? I'll be fine just swimming, Jake."

The reassurance didn't seem to matter to him. I realized that my goal of not looking anywhere south of his neck was working, but as soon as the thought was _there _it became a battle with my eyes to keep them from taking a look down just _once_.

What eventually helped the impasse was the look of Jacob's eyes narrowing around the corners, not so much squinting but more zooming in, as if he was trying to read me more carefully, and that it seemed to be working. It set me off guard.

"I don't want to take away from your fun," I explained with a shrug after a horribly long fifteen seconds of silence. Casting my eyes down to my hands, twisting them in front of me, I forced my gaze back up.

All the silliness and sunshine left his face, and around the narrowness, his eyes grew darker and more focused on mine. But his voice was soft. "You're not. Believe me. I want to spend time with you. It's why I invited you here. Screw surfing."

I hoped my cheeks were already red from the impending sunburn, because I felt a blush creeping. To his explanation, I offered, still trying to sound _casual_ and _friend-like_, "We can always do something after this. I'm free the whole evening."

When the sunshine returned to his face, I wanted to smile but bit it away. My cheeks were beginning to hurt. "Abram and Abel are planning on coming over to Embry's and my place afterwards." I interpreted his arched eyebrow and coaxing eyes an invitation. So I nodded my consent. His palm and fingers, much like at the bar, settled at my closest naked knee and thigh.

He was making this friend thing so difficult, despite how _easy_ and effortless it seemed to him. I attempted to remain impassive and not think about those same fingers once being inside me.

We'd drifted out so far by this point that like before on the motorcycle, the world and the other people in it disappeared and it was just us and the occasional seagull and its call. Remembering he seemed so tenacious about the surfing thing, I cleared my throat to draw back his attention from whatever he was staring at over my shoulder. "How about we save the surfing lessons for another day?" I suggested. Today seemed too peaceful. Plus, I would need to mentally prepare myself.

His lips cracked an even wider smile to the permanent one that was always there. "Sure sure. But I'm holding you to it. No backing out."

"No backing out," I agreed firmly, teasingly. "And I'm holding you to it, too."

It was silent for awhile after that. Our feet occasionally brushed in the water as I took in the sights all around me, the curve of the ocean disappearing in the horizon. After my attention got drawn back to the surfers, their moving bodies catching my eye, I asked, "How long do you guys normally stay out here for?" I pointed towards the surfers for emphasis. A few hours, I estimated, seemed to have already passed… wasn't that long enough? Not that I minded, but I couldn't imagine doing a sport for longer than that.

"Depends. Embry and I can stay out here all day. Sometimes even at night. They've been here for a good four hours already. It's addicting. Maybe I shouldn't teach you," he chuckled, the feel of it reverberating through the board and to me, up through my legs, bringing with it warmth.

My own small laugh was met with a stroke of his thumb. "You can head back out," I told him after a pause. I added with a teasing smile, "You so very rudely interrupted my sandcastle building when you called me out here. I have that to get back to."

"Nah," he shook his head. "I'll get too sucked in. Let's head back to shore. You can finish those sandcastles, honey." He squeezed my knee. "I'll round them all up in an hour so we can head back to my place and grab food." He slid off the board, into the water, without as much as a splash. I went to follow but he interrupted, his hand at my thigh stopping me as it equally set off warnings and spread the building warmth. "Stay on. I'll pull you. We drifted pretty damn far out."

Huh. The shore _was_ far away, I noticed as I lay settled on the board, flat on my stomach, propped up on my still-sore elbows. Jacob swam on his back yet slightly on his side, shoulder below the water, with one hand holding the part of the board in front of my face and the other stroking through the ocean. Our faces were close at this position as his body and legs disappeared under the surfboard, directly below me if it weren't for the two barriers, and the_ thought_ of him being beneath me tugged back the fading blush from earlier.

The darkness of his skin appeared distorted through the grains of the water every so often as I watched. Quickly, I added to my rule that it was okay to look at him below the neck through the water… because I couldn't entirely _see_ anything. Just blurs, so it didn't count. Not even barely, to my disappointment.

We were on shore in record time and Jacob wasn't even out of breath. I collapsed onto my towel, my sand-crusted feet hanging over the edge, and Jake settled next to me, hands behind his own head and water on his closed eyelashes.

I looked away before I would be caught staring at his face, at the dip of where his lips pulled back to smile, the curve of his nose and cheekbones, the pull of his eyebrows…

"Renee would love this," I said with a sigh, more of a way to distract myself than make small talk.

Out of the corner of my eye, as I stared straight up into the empty sky, I saw Jacob's head turn to face me and felt the curious gaze behind it.

"She likes beaches and the heat," I explained. "She married Phil in Maui. She'd love to live somewhere like here or Florida."

He made a noise of agreement. "Who wouldn't love to live here? It's paradise."

That I couldn't argue with, but I was sure it could never remain so perfect.

"You're not gonna finish your sandcastles?" he asked, the full soprano of his voice playful.

"They can wait," I decided. I closed my eyes, heavy as if the sand was weighing down the lids, only to reopen them what felt like seconds later as a shadow fell over me and as something wet trickled down and met my now dried legs.

I heard laughing and then a, "Hey, Bella."

Cracking an eye open, I winced against the light to the previous black of my eyes. I waved to Embry as I sat up into a seated position, crossed legs, yawning.

"Good timing," Jacob said to him, sitting in a different position than he had been before my eyes closed. "I was just about to go out there and drag your asses back. I'm starving."

"_Me _fucking _too_," Embry moaned, towel drying his arms. "How 'bout we order some pizza and wings?"

A huff came from behind Embry and Abram. My brain was still fuzzy. "You three eat Pizza Hut way too freaking much. How are you not sick of the same thing every week?" Abel interrupted, her nose wrinkled as she glared at Abram with crossed arms. "Order me a salad and bread sticks. I can't eat anymore of that crap."

Abram nodded, and then went into some strange explanation of how guys were able to consume more and sometimes it just didn't matter what the hell it was. And that they needed to _refuel_ after all the _surfing_, and pizza and wings was mandatory. Or something.

"Bells?" Jacob asked in a way of saying _Does that sound good to you?_ with a nudge of his elbow at my closest crossed knee. He was sitting closer than I remembered him to be. I must've fallen asleep. Crap.

"I'll be fine with pizza," I assured softly, embarrassed that I had dozed off and could only pray that it hadn't been for long. _Buzz-kill_ was reiterated patronizingly in my head.

"Sweet! Let's get the hell out of here before the growling in my stomach gets any louder. Can you hear that shit?" Embry pointed to his stomach, throwing his towel over his shoulders and stacking the four surfboards together.

Jacob helped me to my feet. I pulled on my clothes and gathered my belongings just as they all started to take off.

"I'll call the order in and we'll meet you back at the house," Embry told the three when the pavement appeared and we split different ways towards different automobiles. My heart leapt in excitement as I remembered the bike, and I was suddenly all the more awake.

Twenty-two steps later we were back on his bike, helmets on and bodies pressed.

Jacob made a quick call for the food before he called, "Ready?" over his shoulder.

I affirmed, "Ready," with a squeeze of my arms at his midsection, and we were off.

This time I rested my head at the spot on his back, but kept my eyes open, very briefly contemplating asking Jacob if he'd also give me motorcycles lessons on top of surfing lessons. The ride back felt much longer than the drive there, but I was still equally as disappointed when we stopped and dismantled the bike in front of a familiar house.

"Sorry for dozing off earlier," I apologized as we walked up the driveway of Rebecca's home.

"Don't worry about it." He squeezed me hand. "It was actually kinda entertaining. You talk in your sleep."

With my jaw hitting the pavement, my stomach soon followed after, and I felt myself grow uncomfortably hot. "I do not!" I defended, even if I had heard that same statement many times before. I was embarrassed about it.

What had I said? I gulped.

"Do so. You mentioned me a lot. My good looks and how awesome I am." Jacob flashed a teasing smile.

My heart slowed at the assurance that it was all a joke. "Ha ha ha," I grumbled, trying to catch my heart and pin it down, away from my ribs and throat.

Chuckling, he steered us down a different path, away from the one leading to the front door.

"Rebecca and Lila are on the other side of the island with Keoni visiting his family."

I took his explanation as to _why_ we were going through the gate and not the house. "Oh. Well you'll just have to tell them all hi for me."

"Sure sure."

In the backyard I remembered from the first evening I was here, and nearing the door to the decently sized guest house, Jacob paused, and then altogether stopped walking. I watched his face pinch into confusion.

"Do you smell that?" he asked, inhaling, tensing.

I sniffed slightly. _Oh_. I _did._ A skunk, maybe? "I—"

"Goddamnit," Jacob interrupted, seeming to have figured out what the awful source of the smell was. I followed his heated path up the steps and through the front door.

Inside, I found Jacob at the entrance of the small living room just as he was growling, "Embry? What the hell?"

I stopped hesitantly behind him after shutting the door, away from the clouds that had moved in. The lights were dimmed but the place seemed like a typical _bachelor pad_. Messy.

"It was Abram's idea," Embry defended as the sound of a lighter being clicked on echoed through the tense room. "Shit, c'mon, Jake. You can _alpha-glare_ at me all you fucking want, but it doesn't matter anymore. I can finally feel the effects of this shit… The bud here is great. Loosen up, man."

Hearing footsteps to my side, I turned my head to see Abel leaning against the wall connecting the kitchen and the room I was in now. She rolled her eyes at the guys when she caught my gaze and mouthed, _Boys_.

Jake ran his hands through his hair, fisting it. "Fine, whatever. But if Rebecca finds out you're screwed, Embry."

"_That_ is exactly how I like it," he suggested as a weak innuendo that led Jacob to laugh, relaxed, his shoulders, once hunched with tension, lowering before my eyes.

I snuck a glance around him, and then moved to stand tight at Jacob's side. Embry's lips were right about to wrap around the end of a pipe when he noticed me.

"Want a hit, Bella?" he offered with a crooked smile and squinted eyes, holding the thing out to me that contained the pungent smell, smoke rising in the air.

Jacob chuckled, shaking his head.

"No, I'm okay," I replied, suddenly understanding what the whole fuss was about.

Abram and Embry went back to business as I turned to Jacob and asked, "Bathroom?"

He took my hand to lead me down the hall and to the last door on the right. On the other side of that room was a bedroom – Jacob's, I presumed – and at the other side of that was a door leading to his bathroom.

"Through there." He pointed.

"Thanks."

I moved past him, and he sighed. "Sorry about Embry and all of that. God, I feel like I'm always apologizing for him."

"Don't worry. I _did_ go to college. Arizona State is a big party school. I've witnessed worse," I assured to his uneasiness. Stepping further in the bathroom, I shut the door and left it at that. I didn't know Embry too well, but he seemed like one of a kind. Sort of like Jake. I wasn't put off by any of his actions.

The lights quivered when I clicked them on.

The room smelled like Jacob.

My reflection in the mirror showed red on my cheeks, leading over my nose, and to the other cheek. I winced when my cool fingers met the burning skin, and sighed at my disheveled look. I thought of Renee, and how she always called the glow after a day out in the sun _sunkissed_. I peed quickly and fixed my hair before I headed back into Jake's room, noise from the TV out in the living room drifting through the open door.

I found him sitting at a desk, next to a large bed, flipping through papers. The half-look over his shoulder told me he sensed my approach as I stepped behind him. He stacked the papers as I asked, "What's that?"

Slipping a paper clip through them, he replied, "A few last papers for my classes. Final essays and work and crap. I forgot I left them out."

_Speaking of which._ I sank into a seated position on his bed. "Your graduation is soon, right?"

"Two weeks," he confirmed with a nod of his head, turning in his chair to face me, leaning back with his hands behind his head, still bare from the neck down. I _didn't _look, but the coloring in my peripherals told me so.

"Is Billy be coming here for it? Anyone from La Push?" I so clearly remembered the shock when Charlie showed up for my graduation with a vase of flowers and gift card to Ernie's Restaurant in Forks, which I _think_ was his way of telling me to visit. But still. It was nice.

"Nah," Jacob's voice brought me back, but the disappointment on his face was what held me. "It's too hard for him to travel, but Becca is planning out a trip for all of us to go up there over summer."

_Speaking of which, deux_… "How is Billy these days? You don't mention him much…" I twisted my thumbs in my lap, hoping the question came off as innocent despite the curiosity-surge within me.

"He's good. Rachel's really put him in place. According to her, he's a lot healthier now. But yeah, he's good. Better, even."

Those few responses didn't give me anything. I sighed, looking away from him. "You have so many secrets, Jake."

"Doesn't everyone?" When I looked back at him, the expression he wore was kind and not at all pissed, but understanding.

I shook my head and challenged, "Not me. I don't have secrets." I shrugged to the disbelief on his face. "Sure, I have small ones, but there's nothing else besides those."

He didn't look sold. "So how'd you end up here in Hawaii of all places? You can't tell me you weren't running from something."

"I moved here because it wasn't in the plan._ My_ plan. I lived my whole life so structured; always knowing exactly what I wanted and wanted to do, and if I didn't, I would outline it. I was always going with the flow and never really living. Around the time I was considering leaving the plan behind, Charlie called with the job offer Rebecca was hiring for. And here I am. So I guess in a way I was running from myself." It felt good to get that off my chest.

Jacob paused, arching an eyebrow. "How's that going?"

I thought over the answer. How _was_ it going? "Pretty well, actually." _Better_, even, than I'd imagined.

"Good," he smiled, but stood to his feet abruptly, reaching for a pair of clothes. "I'm gonna change and then we can head back out there. I think they're done with that shit now."

"Sure." Internally I was sighing. Did he have to bounce every one of my questions off of himself and to me? I was determined to figure him out soon. I _would_.

In the meantime…I snooped around his room for any hints when he went into the bathroom. The only thing I found that I could consider evidence of some sort of pain or failure or _running away from something _was a stack of pictures on the same desk as the papers.

They were all taken from La Push, I presumed, because Jacob did _not_ look like _that _anymore. Billy was in a few, friends in others, ones of his mom – which I knew from memory – and a final, sole picture of a stone building, with structures of wolves and carvings in front and around it. Something tribal, I guessed.

Whatever it was that told me to flip the picture over I would be thanking later, because… _jackpot._

Written on the back of the photograph was:

_Take these with you.  
Realize what you're giving up, but also what you're gaining.  
-Dad_

I set them back where I found them. Despite wanting to feel guilty for being so intrusive, I didn't, because Jacob seemed to read right into me, and I needed some incentive into him.

Seconds later he was out of the bathroom, dressed, so I could happily look lower without scolding myself, and we headed out to the living room to sit next to each other on the crowded couch. Abel was sitting in the single lazy-boy chair, Embry at the ground, leaning back against where our feet were, and Abram at the other side of Jacob.

On the TV screen was some gorey videogame being played intently by both Embry and Abram.

The food arrived not too long later; the three guys dug in, Embry and Abram more so, while Abel contentedly ate her salad and I nibbled off the ends of my one slice of pizza and breadstick. When Jacob stood to get drinks, everyone asked for a beer, but I singled myself out with _Just water, please._ He returned with the beers for the others and two waters, one for me and one for him.

I figured another night of drinking would only take us down a path not leading to _friends_, so seeing Jacob agree to that was…nice.

The video gaming continued, and what I found most entertaining about it wasn't the blowing up of bodies on screen, but the comments the three made. Especially Embry, who kept repeating, "Damn, Quil would love this game!" Whoever Quil was, I didn't doubt it if he was Embry's friend.

Eventually I pulled my knees up to my chest, not to keep warm, because being squished into Jacob's side was doing that by itself, but to get comfy. I was growing tired again, and more than once I had to catch my head once my eyes closed and it began to fall to rest on Jake's shoulder.

Like always, one way or another, he was touching me. This time his hand closest to me was settled curled around the inside of my nearest thigh from where my legs were drawn up, his arm slightly in my lap at the position. His fingers moved up and down.

"Tired?" he asked at my ear the second time my head touched his shoulder and then recoiled. The added darkness from outside and the turned off lighting in the room wasn't helping.

"Mmmhm… the sun and the swimming drained all my energy."

"Wimp," he whispered just above my ear, his chuckle running down the skin at my neck, his lips running up the side of my head to touch there, like a kiss. "I'll get you home, it's late."

We were outside in the dark, walking through the grass to just the sound of grasshoppers, when Jacob tugged at my hand. "My graduation is on the third of June. Come to the luau afterwards."

"Luau?" I questioned curiously, but that wasn't the thing – because it wasn't a certain _person_ – to drive me to agree. "Count me in."

/

_A/N: The little quoted piece Bella was reading from a manuscript is taken from an actual book, "Everything Is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer. _


	7. Chapter 7

_**Ch. 7**_

The ceremony was held outdoors, set at the fair-sized campus of the Community College on an equally as green as everything else on the island lawn between four different buildings.

Embry picked me up on his way here – an hour ago – to meet Rebecca and Keoni who arrived even earlier to get a good pick of seats, closest to the stage, good for pictures. It was strange, for once, to be seated on the other side of a graduation ceremony. An inordinate amount of time passed as we waited in our seats, fanning ourselves from the heat, but, I knew from experience, the torture of _waiting_ to the audience was ten times multiplied to those waiting to get their certificates. In some measure, something we could all look forward to, at least the graduating class from Honolulu Community College was significantly less than my graduating class at Arizona State due to more students, which equaled less waiting time, which equaled less suspense. Renee made a fuss about how I should have changed my last name to _Dwyer_, because waiting for _S_ to be called in the lengthy alphabet at my graduation took too many hours for her impatient mind to take in. Rebecca made a good point that we wouldn't have to wait too long for _Black_ and have to sit through the whole thing.

I still remembered the nauseating nerves the day of, how could I even forget? In the end, it still amounted to something plain, and was entirely not all that exciting as the build-up made graduating college seem. Even so, earlier in the day – five hours before the graduation at 6 pm – I texted Jake a quick _Good luck, try not to trip_. That had always been my fear. He replied with a simple _;)_.

"Christ, Jake is probably spazzing out. This is taking forever," Embry groaned, slouching in his seat, the legs squeaking against cement, and sliding a hand down his face as he continuously tapped his foot nearest me, his knee bouncing up and down and up and down.

From my own observations over the time spent with Jacob, I pointed out, "I don't know, he seems pretty…patient."

"Yeah, 'course he is, but…_this_ would drive anyone mad. Jake has his limits. He's probably back there pacing like a wild-man."

The image made me giggle, only because in a way I could see the truth in that statement, but the realization reminded me that Embry had known Jacob all his life, understood more than my simple observations. I asked as a way to pass the time and feed my curiosity, "I guess you're right. I don't know him as well as you do, after all. Tell me more about him? He's like a jigsaw puzzle."

Snorting, he replied smugly, "Well… he's 22 years old, 6'7", approximately 250 pounds, his middle name is Ephraim, he likes long walks on the beach, he's _about_ to get his Associate's if this crap will just start already…" With each fact, he put up a finger, until all five on one hand were raised and his thumb on the other.

I kicked his leg. "Be serious, Embry."

Faking pain and shock at my reaction, he rubbed his calf. "Ow. Shit. Right, serious. Sorry," Embry chuckled, mumbling something unintelligible under his breath like _Crazy woman_, and then finally looking as if he was trying to concentrate and focus on my question. "Okay. Hrm. Wellll…let's see." He scratched his chin. "He's stubborn." For thought, he paused, shook his head. "No, that's not the right world. Levelheaded? He's pretty damn sure of what he wants and doesn't want and he won't give a shit what anyone else says about it. Dunno really. I've been friends with him all my life, there's a reason for it. He's always been the type of guy to cheer people up. He's more serious now. I've been trying like hell to loosen him up more. You've probably noticed."

I nodded, because I knew through days and nights of experience that half the time Jacob was either all sunshine or sucked up into an un-shining ball the rest. Still, I giggled at Embry's _loosening him up_, remembering the night two weekends ago in which he tried to do just that. "You mean try to loosen him up… with weed?"

His hand slapped over my mouth quicker than my eyes could process it nearing, and it slurred the end of my sentence into just a groan and then silence. "Shhhhhhh," he hissed in a whisper, nodding to Rebecca who was sitting engaged in a conversation with Lila close at my side.

Oh. Right.

I glared at his hand, understanding, waiting for him to remove it before bursting into a laugh and apologizing quietly once I was free. "Sorry, sorry. Oh that was just too funny…"

Embry rolled his eyes with a smile but shrugged it off. "Anyways, _yes_, I have to cover all my bases, even if, like I said, Jake does what he wants. He'll loosen up when he wants to loosen up, not on anyone else's terms. I'm determined to deter that. You wait and see."

Offering my own playful eye roll to that last cocky statement, I nodded my understanding, finding I liked that trait about Jacob. I quieted as Embry's previously fearful face and incoming hand disappeared from where it was stitched into my retina, a faint smile still on my lips followed by a shake of my head and hair. Was it a coincidence that Jacob and Embry had almost the same personality, the same lightheartedness brought on by years of being friends, but that something must've toned that down in Jake overtime and not had the same effect on Embry for whatever reason?

The opportunity on the subject of Jacob presented itself once more, so I inquired a smaller, different question on my mind. The other could wait. "Does he ever say anything about… me?" I _yearned _to know at this point… and who else to ask other than his best friend? Rebecca made it clear Jake, in her eyes, was and would always be her little brother and that she couldn't possibly see him any other way. So I was left with one other person to talk to, who I was getting to know a lot more today, and like the night I snooped around Jake's room, I was willing to take those steps and not shy away. I still felt like I knew the half of Jacob – just covered the surface – despite the two months that had passed. It still boggled my mind that I had moved here eight weeks ago.

"_That,_" Embry tensed the word, bringing me back, "is confidential." My face fell, and he must have noticed because he encouraged with a nudge of his foot at the sole of my shoe, "Which means there's something that _needs_ to be confidential. Get what I'm trying to hint at without breaking the whole 'brotherly code' thing? Don't put me too on the spot, but you're on his mind a lot."

Somehow, I'd gotten a hold on that pesky blush of mine. My smile? Not quite as much. Biting it away and letting my hair fall and frame my face seemed like the best cop-out. "Thanks, Embry."

"Yup. Don't mention it," he assured.

Still feeling brave, and not asking to get deeper into Jake's world but because I _did_ want to know about Embry himself, I inquired, "So… what's your story?"

"I grew up in La Push with a drunk for a mother, never knew who my father was, and no siblings. I didn't leave anything behind really. Fresh start." He opened his arms wide in front of him to the world with that brief overview. "I could go more into detail if you're just dying to know."

I started with the basics. "Are you in college?"

"Yup. Up at U of H. I've been going part time to get my Bachelor's and working the rest. It's gonna take a few more years, but I'll do it."

"What're you studying?"

"English. Literature, to be exact." A loud voice above the crowd's mixed chatter stirred, a suited man on stage announcing the start of the ceremony that resounded from the stacked speakers. "Ahh, it's starting. _Finally_."

_Literature_? _Embry_? What a strange mix. These boys were so full of surprises. I settled back into my chair.

The _As_ went by in a breeze, with all the same reactions for each name called: loud cheering coming from different spots in the crowd where their families sat, clapping, cheers. My back was already growing stiff against the solid metal chair, and I couldn't help but thank the promise that we'd be out of here soon.

Not intending to, but nevertheless the action caught my attention and I was helpless, I watched _Rebecca_ instead of Jacob as he crossed the stage – cheered on by Keoni and Embry's loud cheering, followed with Lila's claps and giggles – from the moment she wiped a tear from her eye.

She caught my look immediately, which for some reason I didn't try to hide. "I'm sorry." Wiping her eyes, they stayed focused on her brother even as she whispered to me. "I never expected to ever see this day. We barely thought he'd make it through high school with all that was going on…" Before the moment could pass, she snapped as many pictures as she could during his walk, the flashes leaving a dark spot in my vision, and continued on with the story. "He asked me the day he graduated high school, when I flew up the last time to La Push to visit, if he could leave with me and move in. I speculated, but eventually agreed and made him _promise_ to enroll in college and explore and at least try. I'm _so_ proud of him. If my mom was here to see this…"

As another tear came, I reached blindly through the flash-spot still in my eyes to give her hand a reassuring squeeze that she returned as a _Thank you_.

Lately, it felt as though I'd seen so many sides of Rebecca and her family I'd never seen before. Four days ago – Sunday evening – I went to their place for dinner with Jacob. Almost, in a strange way, it felt like I was being taken home to "meet the family." Despite that pitting feeling, because he did hold my hand under the table, in my lap, I still saw a side of their easy family interaction I never picked up on the last time we were all together. And I was jealous of it.

We abandoned our chairs – hoping to not disturb the other people we scooted by – the second Jacob was off stage and the too-brief moment was over. Many other families had the same idea as we exited, filtering past those same bodies all dressed in fancy outfits. I smoothed out the silk of my black summer dress over my stomach.

It was dark out the next time we saw him.

Rebecca had planned with Jacob that once he was ready and could leave, in no rush, to take his time, he would meet us at the front of the school, on the grassed hill overlooking the city and the ocean so we could all leave together for the luau that most of HCC's graduates and families would also be at, celebrating.

He approached, out of the grown and wearing his normal jeans and black shirt and smile, pulled Rebecca into a hug, who we could all see was still fighting tears, bumped knuckles with Keoni, and smacked Embry at the back of his head once he greeted him with _Aww, Jakey's all grown up now_. Lastly, he pulled me into one of his warm bear hugs, lifting me from my feet and then back down, whispering _Hey, honey_ into my ear, and kept his arm over my shoulders, close to his side, as we all formed into a circle.

"Luau starts at 8," Rebecca informed, chancing a look at her watch, also under Keoni's arm, his other holding Lila. "Fifteen minutes."

Embry's hands clapped and then rubbed together. "Well let's get going before all the alcohol is gone!"

/

The location of the luau was on a beach on a part of the island I had never seen or ventured to. Unfamiliar. But even then the night was so dark that distinguishing anything recognizable would be worthless. Fire and moonlight was the only source of light, but it was enough. From the entrance to the array of dozens atop of dozens of tables to the single stage at the center, everything was illuminated. Fire pits framed that same stage, music coming from a live band standing there, and wooden poles plunged into the sand with the tips burning highlighted each sandy walkway.

Women, native to the island with the same dark beauty, greeted us, placed leis over our necks, the flowers of mine – orchids, maybe – alternated between light purple and crème and smelled of jasmine. Rebecca's and Lila's were the same light colors as mine, while Keoni's, Jake's, and Embry's were all black and thicker. The same pattern was seen throughout as we were led through: light colors for women, darker colors for men.

Our table was center, midway to the stage and midway to the entrance, decorated with more pedals from flowers and added candlelight reflecting on empty plates. The chairs, I noticed with an inward, completely welcoming sigh, were much softer and supporting than the ones from the graduation.

I smelled food, but all the tables were empty. Jacob had chatted my ear off within the last few days about the _feast_ they serve here at the luau. With each growl, my starved stomach was challenging if a feast would be enough to fill it.

We were first served some type of coconut alcoholic drink. I sipped at the straw, despite wanting to drain the whole thing.

"Uncle Jake and Uncle Embry?" Lila's small voice interrupted over the side conversations, causing everyone to go mute and stare at the little girl sitting almost hidden by the table in her own seat.

Her eyes were on the two she was addressing with a curious tilt of her head.

Embry replied with a "Yeah, squirt?" while Jacob glanced to his side at me with a half-smile and look that either read _Just checking on you, hope you're enjoying yourself_ or _You're on my mind_. I got lost somewhere in translation between the two.

"How come unlike like Mommy and Daddy"—she pointed to the pair next to her for example, holding hands on the table, Rebecca pulling away from kissing Keoni's cheek, his fingers twisting the wedding ring on her finger—"you guys isn't married? You're both old. Mommy was just telling me that I was in her belly when she got married. She says it was on this beach."

We all blinked, without answer.

"Jay-ke, why dun you marry Bella and then we can find Embi a nice girl like Mommy? I wanna be the flower girl." A smile lit up on her face, like a light-bulb had gone off. She looked to her parents as if waiting for their conformation of approval. Keoni was straight out laughing while Rebecca was trying to hide hers more politely.

Rebecca reached to touch her daughter's hand and explained very kindly, "Sweetie, marriage is much much more complicated than that, but I'm sure they'd both love to have you as a flower girl if they do get married."

Underneath the table, I felt someone nudge my knee, and I knew who it was a moment later.

"Besides, you can't marry someone who's you're _friend,_" Jacob emphasized, negating Lila's proposal of _our_ marriage, clearly getting at something in which I saw right through with the stiffening of my spine. He leaned back in his chair, like this was just another casual talk, and threw his arm over my chair.

I took a few more hearty drinks of the coconut smoothie.

"You're not allowed to date until you're…at least fifty, sweetie," Keoni said to his daughter, much more serious than he was moments ago with a belly full of laughter. "So didn't get started on this marriage stuff you're mother's been telling you." He shot a pointed glare to his wife.

Luckily, the food arriving at our table intervened. Embry was still cracking up, even as he cut into a piece of pork and shoveled it into his mouth. _Party of one_…

After taking down mouthfuls of the undistinguishable food on my plate, I asked to Jake, just so he could hear, "Marriage? I didn't think you were the type."

"It's not on my radar for a long damn time. But yeah, who wouldn't like to settle down?" I shrugged, not having a strong opinion one way or the other, but the talk of it was…awkward…so Jacob instinctually continued and asked, "What do you think of the food?" to end the subject.

"I…think that you were right about claiming it to be a _feast_." But it was so _good_ I couldn't stop eating; lifting the filled fork to my mouth after each swallow. It felt as if a boulder was inside my stomach. "You might have to carry me out of here."

"Don't tempt me," he chuckled, giving my leg another playful nudge with his like he had done before. Many times before. Always touching.

Which got me thinking… of how for almost a month now we'd been playing in the field of limbo between friends and more that was always blurring. I supposed I shouldn't be surprised at the blurring part, because the attraction between us was clear, but also the friendship side was, too. Was one stronger than the other? Could there only be so much romance between us as there could be a longer-lasting friendship?

I liked where we were at now, just in the in-betweens. But I knew, without speculation and with clear examples from Jake's comment earlier and how he more often flirts than acts friend-like with me, that he was leaning towards something more, since we'd been giving something less a try it only seemed like the way to go was up.

The thought made me feel guilty. After our day at the beach two weeks ago, we'd spent almost every day seeing each other or talking over the phone or texting, some way of just keeping in touch, however it may be. And yes, we are happily friends, but I didn't want to take away from his…experiences by all the waiting or whatever it was we were jointly doing together.

In my head, I noted solemnly that the night of graduating college is usually spent unremembered at parties with alcohol, with hookups and not a care in the world, because what's there to worry about anymore? Shouldn't that be what Jake is doing?

I couldn't help but feel as if I was blocking him from doing that by letting him wait around for me if that was the case. Maybe it was time to draw the line at friends, so he could be out with other girls because I was sure there was a large number lusting after him, or in the _more _area with just him and me and our own shared lust.

I found myself saying his name without planning to. "Jake?"

"Mm?" he replied, chewing his food, taking a sip of his drink before turning to me.

"Can we talk?"

His eyebrow arched, and I realized this, coming from me, now, was completely out of the blue.

I paused to form my words. "I feel like I'm…stopping you or blocking you from doing other things, or being with girls… or whatever is guys do since I'm always with you. I don't want to put you in that position. Maybe we should figure things out and talk more about us now."

For a moment, it looked as if he'd choked on his food, taken back, but he seemed to understand the underlying point I was getting at, so he suggested just so I could hear, "Let's talk about this later, okay, Bells?"

I noticed, for the first time, Jacob's calling of me 'Bells,' much like Charlie does and had started to do all those years ago. Was that where he picked it up from? Nevertheless, it felt like home, even if Charlie and Forks was never truly that for me. But it could have been.

"Later," I agreed, but forced a smile at him so it wouldn't put a hindrance on his night, but even then he didn't seem too concerned to let it put him on edge, but then again he was good at not showing those types of things.

Why had I brought up the subject now? It dampened _my_ mood.

The tempo of the music picked up, and a crowd of the same women who had greeted us during our arrival moved onto stage and begun some type of hula dance. I was still nursing my stomach when what look to be some type of dessert custard was served.

"Jake"—Embry's voice, I knew, without even having to look up from my plate—"we're still goin' to that party tonight, right? The one Abram was telling us about? He texted me and wants to know."

"Yeah, why not?" Jacob sounded indifferent. I felt like kicking him under the table.

"Bella?" Embry asked as a way of inviting me. When I blinked blankly at him he repeated, "Wanna come?"

"I have work tomorrow. You two have fun." The work thing wasn't a lie, since it was only Thursday after all, and I couldn't exactly call in sick to my boss, but even if I didn't have any priorities in the morning I still wouldn't have gone. Jacob could have a nice guy's night without me always hanging around. Maybe separately we could both come to our own conclusions of where we wanted to stand with the other person. Just because we'd slept together and it had been fantastic didn't lead me to believe he wanted a relationship or that I wanted a relationship or that a relationship between us would work, other than friends. That was going smoothly.

The friends with benefits idea was out of the question for me, also. That, too, brought in unnecessary feelings that could eventually be toned down in a strictly _friend _realm. It was one or the other for me.

"You're better off," Embry shrugged, momentarily hurting my feelings until he added with a wink, "Pretty little thing like you would get torn apart at a frat party." If I had said _yes _up until this point, I would have said an instant _no_ to the word _frat_.

The rest of the evening passed smoothly at the luau if you didn't count the lack of talking between Jacob and me. He'd still occasionally rub my back, my shoulder if his arm was thrown over my chair, play an innocent game of footsie…

We all called it a night when it was 10 pm.

_Later – _as Jacob had promised –happened on the steps leading to the front door of my condo.

"How does it feel to be grown up now, degree and all?" I asked, using the playful words to try and cut through the tension that had been there since I placed it there.

His indifferent shoulders shrugged but at least he cracked a smile. "Not much different than I did yesterday, to be honest. Sorry about earlier." Billy had called him during our drive to my house, from beginning to end, still talking up until Jacob told him he'd call him back in fifteen so he could walk with me up to where we were standing now, at a stalemate.

"It's fine, Jake, really. It was nice hearing his voice. It's been so long." But not long enough to not remember the distinct scratchy-ness of it. "Have fun tonight," I added, hoping he actually would without worry about me because really I didn't want to put that kind of restrain on him. When he said nothing, as we faced each other without looking at each other, I shifted on my feet and tried, lifting my eyes, "Are we still going to…talk? We can save it for tomorrow if you want to get going…"

"Is it bad that I really want to kiss you right now?" he interrupted at a low, sharp whisper, and it sounded as if he was asking to me if it was wrong of him; if it wasn't what I wanted for him to want from me.

My gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips, back up again with a slow, testing shake of my head _No_, because if it was bad for me to want to, too, then shouldn't those two negatives cancel out and create some sort of positive? I couldn't deny that I wanted him to, and maybe it would give me something else to make my final decision on. What would one kiss under thousands of touches change?

With no hesitation, Jake's hand fell to my cheek, filling his palm with it, and he carefully dipped his head after lifting my chin so our lips touched and soon relaxed into the others. I still remembered the honey-taste of his lips and their gentleness, but experiencing them sober was something else. Our tongues touched briefly and my heart-rate tripled. My hands came up to his side, I stepped closer into him, yet he pulled back with a low groan and opened his eyes so I could make out each fleck of green in them from the porch light. He proceeded to smile, kiss the corner of my lips, the side of my jaw, one spot on my neck, before placing a last kiss to my waiting lips.

"Can we still do this and be friends?" he asked, labored breaths and all, the second we broke from a longer, fuller kiss, squeezing my hip in his hand, forehead resting on mine.

Enthusiastically, I nodded. Kissing him was calming. Why was I even struggling with this? I took his _friends_ hint that we could still do both, relationship and friends, as I had worried. I _wanted _him as a friend as much as I wanted him as everything else. How had he figured that out? His assurance seemed to make my decision for me, since I didn't have to choose between the two, and even then I would have still chosen Jacob in some way.

He pulled back from my face, his hands at my hips, his head ducked to keep my eyes with his. "I just want _you_, Bella. All right, honey?"

I took his added reassurance as a way of telling me that at this party tonight, he wouldn't be doing all those things I had in mind in reference to _grad night_.

But I still wasn't laying claim on him just yet.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Ch. 8**_

"Mmm… Bells, whut're yew doinn?"

_I_ wasn't even completely sure _what_ I was doing, so I gathered myself more time to form an answer to that question and I replied with an indirect, "You fell asleep," because he seemed a bit off and groggy to what was happening. It was even a surprise I was able to understand his muffled words from where they left his lips, somewhere snuggled into one of the two couch pillows beneath his head, hugged and kept to his face by his arms underneath, laying full on his stomach, his feet dangling off the side of the lone couch in the middle of my living room.

It was cute from a distance, to see Jacob asleep like this. But now I was no longer _at_ a distance.

Jacob seemed to still be waking, processing, finding consciousness through a yawn and stretch of his arms. I let my body relax to the way it was before I woke him, my fingers picking back up their pattern of tracing a part of his back that must've been the key in waking him, which I found strange. My weight didn't do the job but my touch did?

When he tried to move but couldn't, his body stiffened. That appeared to be all it took for him to understand what was going on. Continuing to try and focus on the television I'd turned on for company, I bit away my smile, awaiting his remark.

"Bells," he chuckled firstly, taking in my position from a craned neck and lidded eyes. I looked up at him innocently, my head very squarely at his back, as he repeated, still laughing, "What're you doing, honey?"

"I wanted to lie down." He blinked at me. "You _are_ taking up my entire couch, if you didn't notice. This was the only spot left. Who knew you'd be so comfy?" The last part was a small white lie. Lying in the position I was – curled on my side to face the TV, my back against the couch, my head between his shoulder blades and bent knees resting on the backs of his thighs – wasn't quite as cushioning as the sofa.

My plan hadn't been for cushioning, though. At least not entirely. I wanted to feel him.

"You, apparently," he grumbled under his breath to my_ comfy_ question.

I shrugged but made no effort to move. Seconds ticked on by. For a moment, I speculated checking to see if he had fallen asleep again.

Soon enough, his voice, with an added grunt, drifted back to me. "Sit up."

The glare my eyes squinted into battled his command. He understood my concern, seeing it from his still-craned neck. "I won't push you off," he promised, biting his lip, arching his eyebrows, softening his eyes. Nope, I wasn't falling for the cuteness of it. The floor and I had become enemies; I wouldn't wind up back there. It was here or nowhere. "Awe, c'mon, honey. I'm not comfortable like this."

"I wasn't comfortable on the floor. You're the one who fell asleep."

"You could've woken me."

"I tried."

"Sit up, Bella."

"Ugh."

When I was up, on my knees, straddling his calves on the lower end of the couch, I watched Jacob somehow manage with all his girth to roll over and lay on his back in one swift twist, head propped up on the arm of the couch.

He patted his chest and held out his arms with a cheeky smile. "All yours."

I rolled my eyes, but obediently crawled my knees up to his hips so I could lower my body and head down to his front, ending up with my forehead touching his chin, all snuggled down with his arms around me, hands in my hair, on my back.

Jake made a content hum in the back of his throat, tickling my ear, before asking, "Did you undress me in my sleep, Bells?"

Was he just _now_ noticing he was naked from the waist up? My fingers curled into his sides. "_You_ threw it off in _your own_ sleep, _Jacob_." I did duly note that I could now look at him – _really_ look at him – below the neck all I wanted now without the remorse. My eyes had already roamed, briefly, when Jake had rolled over so he was chest and face up. I was trying to make those sneaky glances as _sneaky_ and fleeting as possible.

If Jacob noticed, he didn't seem to care.

He scoffed at my comment, kissing the top of my head. "Someone's grumpy."

"Not grumpy," I sighed, burrowing closer. "It's just so dang hot. Cuddling up to _you _isn't helping." But I wasn't budging, despite my words. I liked being in his arms.

The normal, everyday humidity felt multiplied today.

"We can go jump in the water?" A few days ago, while on a walk with Beau and me, Jacob had led us through some barren path to a fenced-off portion of the ocean not far from my apartment complex. There was no beach or shore, just a complete drop off into the shallow waters. Going there required walking and I was content to stay right where I was for just a little bit longer. When I failed to reply or show any sort of enthusiasm except a shift of my weight and shrug of my shoulders, Jacob offered at a whisper in my closest ear to his lips, "Maybe a cold shower?"

We needed a cooling down, even if for the past week and a half it was just the steamy make-out sessions putting us in that position. Every time we were alone like this, there was always a distraction pausing us at that solid point of no progression. Embry, Rebecca, the oven going off for dinner, phone calls, Beau, exhaustion. Even with those interruptions, it was hard to find times like today – a lazy Sunday – to spend together with no reason or rush to be somewhere else, like work, and for it to just be the two of us.

Ever since that first kiss on my porch steps, we sort of effortlessly eased into where we are now. But _where_ are we? It was only briefly established that we wanted to be together, not the fine-lines of what that meant. Come to think of it, we hadn't talked anymore about those details after Jacob had said he only wanted me, whatever that meant. I was no relationship guru. I was going into this blind and repeatedly coming out on fire. Is that what relationships are?

Jacob's hands sliding slowly down to my waist, pushing my shirt away, added more fuel to the same fire. I felt myself tremble and the breath in my throat hitch as his fingers scaled and dragged slowly up my sides. "Jake," I warned, pushing my face away from his neck so that I was looking down at him… but wasn't this what I wanted?

He silenced me the only way he could; by finding my lips and taking them into his with a devouring and irresistible kiss that made me lose any sense of the previous thoughts on my mind, which were now completely tied into all things Jacob, and if it wasn't in relation to him, it failed to exist.

My hands mixed with his hair and I was kissing him back with a small moan.

My insides tingled as he sat us up, my body still straddling his lap, on my knees, his hands falling to palm my butt and drag me closer. I ran my fingertips down his arms. He broke away after a thorough clash of our tongues, my low lip captured between his two, before he moved on to kiss up and down my neck, his tongue repeatedly darting out.

"Have I ever told you how good you taste?" he whispered just under my ear, pushing my hips so that my center rubbed against the bulge straining in his jeans.

I let out a mixed moan, fingers curling into the skin at the back of his neck to hold him in place.

"Do you know how much I want you, Bells?" His lips lifted to below my jaw line and the evidence of his arousal was enough to answer that whispered question. His labored breaths were accompanied by "Most days you're all I can think about."

Through the heavy lust pushing my heart against my ribs and the warmth spreading south and tingling the tips of me, I found myself recoiling inside, like something had ruptured and needed shielding.

_Ring Ring Ring_

The noise was enough to cause both of us to still momentarily, me even more so because of previous thoughts. As I remained stiff, frozen to the sound of my cell phone going off, I straightened on my knees, off his hips, while Jacob's hands tightened, and he urged desperately, his teeth teasing the skin at my neck, "Don't you dare answer that, honey."

"It could be important," I argued, breathless. But what I really wanted was to get away from Jacob and his words; his words that I didn't know how to reply to; his words that he seemed to have no trouble saying. The chance of anyone calling me with _important news_ on a Sunday was doubtful. I guiltily went along with my lie and climbed off Jake's lap and out of his arms and away from his words to the sound of an agitated growl.

I felt flushed from head to toe.

Pushing a hand against my forehead, back through my hair, and letting out a shaky, lost breath of air, my fingers and toes still tingling, I headed into the kitchen and to my phone, trying to ignore the guilt. _Renee_, it read, of course. Earlier in the morning, I had finally worked up the courage to tell her about Jacob through what ended up being a lengthy email full of little details I didn't realize I had inside of me. But I wanted to tell someone about him. There wasn't anyone _else_ other than her to tell in my life, and I _knew _she'd be encouraging. So it wasn't a mystery as to why she was calling, but now was clearly not the most opportune time to talk about a certain person in my life who had just, seconds ago, completely aroused me.

I pressed the _End_ button and took a moment to catch my breath and straighten out my shirt, which was raised well above my belly.

Back in the living room, I saw Jacob had reversed his position to sitting upright, the normal way one should sit on a couch, his shirt was back on over ruffled hair caused by my hands once buried in it, and he was petting Beau who was at his feet.

Beau loved Jacob. He followed him everywhere, like a second shadow.

"Who was it?" he asked, catching my gaze from where I stood between the kitchen and living room, but what I heard from his question was _Someone important enough to interrupt us_? And the underlying distinction of disappointment was easy to detect.

"Um…" I stuffed my hands into my back pockets, coming up with the quickest of lies. "I'm not sure. I didn't recognize the number."

"Sure sure," was his simple, quiet response. "It's a good thing, I guess. I checked my phone and Embry texted me a few hours ago. His bike needs a new part and he has work in an hour. I'm gonna have to let him use mine and then fix his."

My heart sank. "I thought it was just going to be us today?" I whispered, because that had been what he told me, over and over again.

"It'll only take a few hours, honey. Maybe less."

"You'll be back for dinner?" That was also part of the plan. I wouldn't allow him to take me out so we settled with me cooking for the two of us. Fettuccini alfredo and garlic bread.

"Before then."

I replied with a small, "Okay," since I knew there was no changing his mind. Wasn't it Embry himself who said Jacob does things on his own terms and not anybody else's?

Jacob crossed the room to stand in front of me, hold the back of my head, and place a kiss to my forehead. "Be back before you know it." With the promise, he slipped on his shoes, grabbed his keys and helmet, and I was alone.

/

Within five minutes of Jacob's leaving, I ended up back on the sofa, much in the same position as he had been in before – my face buried in the pillows – and over-analyzed everything with his name attached to it.

What else should I have expected from my inner self other than analyze when things felt… off? Maybe the off-ness was because we'd already slept together, leading us to start off backwards. Sex and then relationship. That whole thing. Yes, I agreed, maybe that could be it.

It would save me the stress-lines if there was already a book written explaining the steps of what to do in this particular circumstance and make deciphering these things a little simpler to someone less-educated. Was sleeping together – since it had already occurred, twice in one night – to be more expected than it would be in a regular relationship? Was that how these things went? Who's to say it wouldn't have _already_ gone there if we hadn't gotten repeatedly interrupted over the past week and a half? Did I even want it to go there? _Of course_ I did. I already knew our bodies were great together, but are we?

The questions acted like a hammer pounding into my skull, oozing a steady throb to the sides of my eyes.

I did what I do best in situations like these: busied myself. And since I'd already thoroughly cleaned each room before Jacob came over, tiding up was taken out of my small-listed options. I settled with preparing the meal for dinner tonight. Much prep-work wasn't needed for a simple pasta meal and bread baked in the oven for forty-five minutes. Before I knew it, I was back at the couch, holding one of the pillows to my face that smelled a little bit stronger of Jacob than the other.

With time to myself, and being all tired from thinking too hardly before, I thought of something less complex and that had already gone through its Bella-cycle of over-analyzing, like the way I felt once inside after Jacob had kissed me on my porch steps and said he wanted me and only me. For most of that night I berated myself over the fact that I hadn't said anything in return. I _still_ hadn't said anything in return. With all my English and composition background, I expected myself to be good with words. But nothing could ever be formed; not a simple _I want you, too, Jacob_, or _I really like you, Jacob_, or even _You're always in my thoughts, too, Jacob_.

The most I could do was bask in the feeling of being wanted by someone so sure of himself and stare at my ceiling into the wee hours of the morning with a smile and no room for sleep.

Tonight I would try to work on getting those words off my tongue and into the air between us, I decided.

Jacob was back around six, two hours later than the time he had left, precisely. I was busy stirring the noodles in one pan and mixing the sauce in another when he knocked on the door and I called out, praying it was him and not some stranger, "Come in!"

After greeting me with a kiss to my cheek and a squeeze of my hip, Jake offered to take over the stirring of the sauce after confessing, once at my side at the small-width oven, "Smells great, Bells."

"Thanks." I heaved a breath, running the back of my arm over my forehead. I wasn't sure if it was the steam from the pans or Jacob being next to me that caused me to feel a rush of heat. Our elbows continuously bumped as we stirred and I made small talk. "Is Embry's bike all fixed?"

"As good as new." He flashed me smile. My knees quivered. I discovered a few days ago he was quite cocky about the magic his hands could work. "Sorry 'bout that by the way, honey."

Earlier I came to the conclusion that even though I was momentarily stunned into a feeling of hurt, Jacob leaving had at least given me the time to think and clear my head. Plus, I _did_ successfully get away from his words, and hadn't that been my original plan in the first place? There was a very narrow chance that if I hadn't gotten up, there would have been no reason for Jacob to check his phone for at least a few hours, and Embry would have still been stranded and late to work. The thought of what we would have been doing – still be doing, probably – led me to feel warm and fuzzy all over.

"Don't worry about it," I assured, offering up my own smile. Another reason to add to the list: I had no right expecting Jacob to forget about Embry for me. I was never _that_ type of person; the one expecting herself to be at the top of each person's list.

The timer went off, signaling the end of cooking the sauce. I asked Jacob to put the heat on low and set the table. This routine had been so _routine_… he went right to the correct cupboards without hesitation or question.

As we ate, he devoured about eighty-percent of the meal while I worked at the other twenty-percent. It was a mystery where Jake put all that food. As the silence filtered through the room with the sound of forks on plates, I watched Jacob, rehearsing the words in my head that I planned to tell him if I could force them up the narrow passageway of my throat: that I was crazy about him, that he made me feel warm and safe and unlike anything else I'd experienced in all 23, almost 24, years of my life.

All that could be worked up were useless air bubbles. Occasionally, Jake would catch me staring at him and simply wink in return, even if he could read the frustration pickling my face. I was grateful the silence between us could be so comforting.

We talked a little bit more about our plans the rest of the week as we cleaned up: when we could see each other, when we were busy, when, when, when… Eventually we decided to forgo doing the dishes when Jacob kept leaning in to kiss me and it just became too distracting.

I had an idea anyways. It made my stomach churn, but it was an idea nonetheless, and it was a way to apologize for earlier.

A shy smile on my lips was followed by a tug of my hands on Jake's two. When I knew his attention was on me, sensing my urge to have him follow, I led us down the hall and into my room. His eyes were curious as I stopped in front of him, our bodies pressed, with my arms going around his waist. I looked up at him, tensing my lower lip between my teeth, as Jacob placed his hands on either side of my face, cradling my head, pushing his fingers back into my hair, holding me securely as he dipped his head to place his lips on mine, understanding that was what I wanted.

My legs felt like they were going to melt. How was he so good at kissing me and making me forget everything? Our lips, in no clear rush, parted and our tongues probed and tasted. His hands seemed like they were the only things holding me up.

I broke the kiss, regaining sense and the control over my hands and moved them to the front of his abdomen. "Take off your shirt."

In the same swift way he had done before – a flashback to the night we had incredible drunken sex of Jacob pulling off his shirt and crawling up my body played in front of my eyes – he did the same now with no question. I traced the dip of his abs, down to his hips, nails scratching, because I _could_. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his neck, the tendons there, moving my eager lips south to his chest. His hands stayed in my hair. Mine were everywhere.

He tasted salty and sweet and just right.

Before I was done with him, I felt his hands slide down from my head and to the backs of my thighs. He lifted my body like it was nothing and set me back gently on the bed to have his way with _me_. Again my shirt was pushed away and his hands took its place, his body over mine. It was a simple flash of déjà vu as his thigh settled between my legs, close to my center. I lifted my hips off the bed, testing, and felt his erection at his hip, through his jeans.

His lips, at my collarbone, let out breathy, strangled groan. "What are you doing to me, honey?" he asked, pushing back against me. "It's like I can't think any time you touch me. Y'know?" My hands were running down his sides. Back at neck he told me, "Christ, Bella, I'm falling so hard for you."

I simply let out a soft cry of pleasure as his hand found my breast and felt my chest tighten.

He gave a defeated, unusual sigh into my skin, letting both his grips on me go.

My eyes flashed open. "What's wrong?" I asked, hazed, my chest and stomach rising with each deep breath to meet Jacob's body eagerly. My center throbbed, needing relief. And he was the only one who could do so.

He moved off of me. I protested with a slight whimper. My eyes followed the tense of his muscles up his closest arm. He was silent for the longest lasting fifteen seconds, shaking his head. "Every time I say something that even remotely suggests how damn strongly I feel about you, the words just bounce off you, Bella. Are you ever going to give me anything?"

What did he mean 'every time?' Today was the only _time_ it happened, if you didn't count just seconds ago. And I noticed it on the couch and was trying to work through it; I wasn't reflecting _anything_. I pulled my shirt back down. "What do you mean?" I whispered, trying to work through it mentally but too lost to know, eyes searching his back and forth. My heart was growing heavy.

"The night on your porch, the days after, even before then… you've never given any indication in words to me about how you feel. Or felt. I can read you like an open book but if I couldn't it scares me to think that I wouldn't have you like this."

I had no words. Wasn't this exactly what I was berating myself over? My complete failure with words in competition to his? "I—" I was confused. "I can compartmentalize everything in my life but not this. I don't know what to do with this feeling."

"_What_ feeling?" he urged, as if helping me along. We were both standing now.

"I. Don't. Know." Butterflies? Warmth? Excitement? I didn't know what that equated to.

He shook his head. "Figure it out, Bells. I stopped living on my knees when I left La Push; I'm not going back that way."

My next words stopped him as he tensed to turn away. "You have too many secrets to live like that, Jacob." Even at a whisper, my voice was accusing.

His eyes darkened at my rebuttal, but that was the only response of expression I was given, because I watched Jacob retract and become stone. Within in the same moment, he had his shirt back in his hands and was out of my room. The front door slammed shut seconds later.

I sank back into my bed, wiping away the frustrated, hot tears at my cheeks. We both had our problems. I couldn't express all this emotion inside me, where Jake couldn't share anything of his past. Maybe we both just couldn't overcome those things.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Ch. 9**_

For the first time in years, I felt a creeping sense of loneliness, and it settled heavy like a brick in my gut.

I could live alone, eat dinner by myself, be all the company I needed, do everyday things with no other needed presence, but being given a taste of what it could be like to share that with someone else on such an intimate level threw me off an already unstable balance, shoving me flat on my butt. Why was I living this way? So cut off and alone? Because of Jacob, I came to realize it had always been this way for me; I thrived on independence when I couldn't thrive on dependence. The closest thing I knew to _dependence_ was my own self-reliance, but even now I was proving I didn't thoroughly know nor trust myself and that a part of me I was blind to had caused this fight with Jake.

It was never a choice for me to be so reclusive, I had just never known anything else, and that was clear in the days following Jacob's assessment of me during our fight. Where did my body meet emotion when those feelings were evoked by someone else? It didn't, not without trying to plot it out, mold it into a feeling which should come naturally. I could work feelings and words out in my head the way I could with anything else, but maybe that wasn't how these things are meant to be done.

In the days following our Sunday night argument, my entire being was caught up in Jacob and the different things he had said to me. For instance, how he can read me like an open book. No one had ever had that type of access inside me before, not even Renee who'd seen me at my ups and downs, though I was never trying to put up a shield. I'd like to think that being around Jacob had the effect of making me feel more myself and light, not so uptight… but maybe he was just looking a bit harder than anyone else.

Work was hard. Rebecca kept giving me these side-long glances and _looks_ all through Monday like she knew something was up, or maybe I was just doing a crappy job of putting on a passive face. On Tuesday she approached me in my office while I tried not to cry over how much I missed Jacob and instead forced myself to focus on filling out the calendar for the busy next two weeks, prioritizing the one thing I knew was meant to be planned. Not feelings… or the way Jacob made me feel; _that _was something I needed to let flow naturally.

It had _flowed _down my cheeks more than once.

"I know we discussed not bringing your relationship with my brother into work, but…" Rebecca showed the most pitiful of looks, one of sadness, and in my eyes, it registered as a face I once wore often, without really knowing so. "You look so lost," she finished, her lips collapsing into a frown. Lost was accurate. _Lost,_ I thought. I had no idea which direction to go in but straight. Where was the path to Jacob?

I agreed, "I am," because there was no use in hiding if she could already see it. How much did she know?

She sat down next to me, in Laney's chair, her hand of the same coloring and shade of Jacob's lightly touching my extended arm, hand holding an immobile pen. Her lips pursed as she held my eyes, presumably glossy. "Sometimes… Sometimes things fall apart before they come together… you know?"

So she must know Jacob and I had a complete falling out. I didn't mind much, now that it seemed like she was trying to help by caring. I nodded, hoping she was right, because _things_ were in pieces. She looked as if she was going to continue. It took many seconds for her to finally say, "And… don't overreact too much, okay, when the time comes? Jake is many things, but not a liar."

Overreact? To what? I felt a sense of doom, and it began to cloud a dusty shadow over my sunny paradise.

* * *

Thursday evening was when – all drained of everything – I became fed up with staring at my cell phone and waiting for Jacob's call to appear. I couldn't stop watching it so compulsively, as if nothing else mattered in those moments. I knew – I _knew_, and it made me feel sick with guilt – that Jake would eventually call or drop by or do _something_ in a few day's time if I didn't take action first, which meant I could easily get out of this horrid situation by ignoring the pretenses and doing as I had always done and done well. But I would be relying on one thing – Jacob _actually_ calling. Would he? He couldn't be done with me, right? Not knowing for certain made me queasy and a little bit heartsick.

The night we fought, among his array of words, he'd requested I figure things out. And I had, so why delay the inevitable? Waiting for him to chase after me was just a step back in the direction he was pushing me in. Maybe that was the path I needed to take: wherever his words led me.

The phone was to my ear, ringing, before I could even say _mistake_.

"Yeah, hello?" the voice, so unlike the one consistently toying with all the vessels of my body, answered, a clanging sound of metal on metal in the background, other voices, too, mixed with his.

A sigh of relief spread through me for the simple fact that he answered_._ My mind was stuck on his _brotherly code_. He must be betraying some sort of rule right now. "Embry? Hi, it's Bella."

There was silence. I knew I was putting him in a strange position. My mind begged _Please don't tell me to go away and leave your best friend alone, I'm not a horrible person, please please please_…

"Hey," he said finally, sounding as lost as I felt, the word dragged out. My lips tugged into a fraction of a smile.

To not put him on the spot any longer, I rushed to get to my point of calling. A simple question, that was all. "Is Jacob working tonight? Do you know where he is?" There was no time for the rational part of my brain to question why I was asking Embry this. In a much simpler reality, I would call Jacob, ask if I could see him, if we could talk… Yet I was going about this without _any_ thought and with what I believed was the right thing to do. I needed to do less thinking and more feeling. If I learned anything from Jacob, it was that.

Again, Embry's response came seconds later, and I knew he was taking the time to speculate; to weigh the pros and cons, what he should or shouldn't say. There must have been less cons. "Uh… yeah. He's, uhhh, working at Marlo's… 'till, like, uh, midnight."

My smile grew. "Thank you, Embry." I hung up to save him another long, awkward pause and made a mental note to continue to be grateful for Embry Call and his putting up with me.

Marlo's was different than I remembered. It could have been an absolutely different bar if I wasn't so keen on recognizing the flickering in-and-out red neon sign on the front of the building. With so much open space, with so much free room – a sharp contrast to the dozens of bodies once packed in here – I was able to see everything I once couldn't. Like the murals on the walls. The decorative island flowers, the beach and ocean, surfers and waves, all very Hawaiian, all very warm.

For a Thursday night, the place was more packed than I anticipated, but nothing compared to the Friday night mayhem I'd experienced weeks beforehand. My body didn't have to squeeze past any others as I made my way to the back. I spotted Jacob with ease, but maybe that was because my eye knew exactly where to go. He was at the half-empty bar, behind the counter, a towel thrown over his shoulder; rubbing at dirty glasses, stacking the clean ones into some pyramid-like fashion next to all the bottles of alcohol placed in similar form.

I took him in while I could, my heart lurching forward. His eyes, looking up, caught me too quickly and I was forced to blink myself out of the feelings swelling up from within and trap them down for just a little while longer.

There were eleven remaining steps until the bar was separating us. I tried not to notice how my arms rose just slightly from my sides, wanting to be wrapped around him. So I gulped, breathed a quiet, testing, "Hi," and fought to keep his eyes on mine. I wasn't sure what to make of his look. In a way, it was spiteful, but his eyes drowned me and I was sure I could see all the feeling he was fighting accumulate to that blackness.

"Hey." His hands were back to scrubbing, taking his eyes with them. All I had to go on was the softness and forever warmth of his voice, not even a simple look of shock at seeing me, not a hint of a smile…

In the loudest whisper possible (a whisper because I was feeling so inferior, and a whisper because there was no music to talk over), I blurted, "I figured it out." The attention I craved was right back on me, with a sharp-to-the-point-of-stabbing look in his eyes. I managed out, "Can we talk? Please?" while gripping the top of the countertop, where it curved, for leverage.

"I'm working, Bella," he reminded, toneless.

"Do…do you have a break? Can you take one?" My fingers itched to reach out and touch his arm, to bring back my Jacob. I hadn't realized I'd set him off this much. Was there something else?

"Yeah"—my eyes followed his to the clock hanging above our heads—"in an hour."

It almost seemed as if he was testing me by the way his voice leveled at _an hour_; like he was challenging me to see if I would stick around, if it meant that much to me. My body straightened, chin up. "I'll wait." What was an hour? More time for my nerves to grow and adrenaline to slow, I told myself, but an hour is more than manageable if it means getting to talk with Jacob.

Those words brought the reaction out of him I was hoping for. His shoulders relaxed, no longer so hard to my eyes. I sucked in a breath of air as he said, "Sure sure."

I think I understood in that moment why he was so worn down with me. Seeing Jacob so void of emotion, and having to play off of it, was wearing me down, too. He turned his back to continue cleaning. I took a seat down from the bar a ways, picking apart the peanuts from their shells set in a basket in the middle of the table as a way to keep my hands and mind occupied. The only time anyone bothered me as I waited was a waitress to ask if I wanted a drink or food, which I declined, thinking the butterflies in my stomach didn't need food to cause them to expand any larger because they were doing that well enough themselves. Other than that brief exchange of words, the hour passed with each minute feeling longer than the last. Letting my mind roam was the last thing I needed in this moment and for it to add to the screw ups I'd already caused by plotting, so I stuck to trivial things, like thinking over a response to Renee's latest email.

I sort of missed her and Phil. At least back home I had them to fall back on.

Before an hour had fully passed (I knew because I was keeping a watchful—impatient—eye on the clock), Jacob was standing behind me, his hand at my back bringing me from my haze of waiting with an elicited shiver up my spine. His face was tight when I turned to face him, but in his hand he took mine, giving it a squeeze that could've meant a billion different things, and then moved to lead me through the back of the building, once I was on my feet, and out through a door into the night air smelling of humidity and salt water.

_Privacy_, was the first word in my head as I took in the surroundings of a dumpster, a streetlight above, illuminating us, and the concrete walled at our feet and sides. The _Privacy_ thought remained, suggesting as if Jake was planning on hashing everything out right now, in the dim light of a flickering light-bulb.

With empty air soon to be filled between us, we faced each other, with room to allow those following words to go.

As Jacob fought his own internal battles over a mysterious _something_ either in relation to me or not far off, causing him to bury his eyes beneath furrowed eyebrows, rub a hand at his neck, shift his weight, I decided to speak first with a scratchy, unused voice. "I owe you an explanation. And an apology."

His attention was back on me, and I basked in it. Jacob's response was only a nod of sorts, silently telling me to go on with his eyes.

"Okay. Well, um…let me just gather my thoughts." I cleared my throat, hoping to rid the nerves from my body by clenching my fists, driving them there and from my throat. _Apology first_, I reminded. "I-I guess I should first apologize for making you feel cut off from me and not knowing so…and putting you through all that you're going through. I feel horrible about that. So…I'm sorry, okay? _Really_ sorry, Jake. But before I say anything else, I think I should explain some things to you, which might help you…understand why I am the way I am." Somewhere between Sunday and now I had figured it out. Before then it had never been an issue I needed to address.

In a level voice, I told him, "I've never had a relationship in my life, Jacob. But that doesn't mean I'm emotionally cut off, either. If you could feel all of what was going on inside me right now…" I shook my head, tingling up and down, wondering how one person could feel this much. I drew in a breath. "Like I said, I've never had a real relationship in my life. I treat my mother like a child and a friend I have to care for, Charlie's never been present in my life except for a few weeks at a time and Phil's role in my life has never been fatherly, any friend I've had hasn't been more than the label… Relationships," I took a shaky breath of air, "I don't know anything about. _Anything_. Not how much of myself to give, what to say, how to _look, _what to expect from someone else…

"I thought relationships were supposed to be like what I had with Renee and with the few friends and boyfriends I've had; never really giving anything more than I needed to and in return never getting anything. Then again, no one has ever made me feel like you do… And I understand that now." As I tried to whack my brain for anything else to spill out for him, Jake stepping closer interrupted me.

"Is that what you figured out?" he asked, speaking finally to the words I'd blurted out inside, no longer coming off cold nor warm, but more… lukewarm.

That put me back on track, and I nodded. "I've recognized it, yes, but that isn't all. I care about you a lot, Jacob. I didn't need to figure that out, I already knew it, I just couldn't figure out how to say it. I spent the past four days defeated, knowing you were unhappy with me. I don't want that. I'm sorry I couldn't voice how much of me you have, because it's a lot and you're amazing, but I think it was unfair how hard you were on me. You're not that perfect yourself, Jake. But I want to try, even if I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. I want to try to be with you."

By this point, the stone exterior I saw Jacob transform into back in my room after accusing him of having too many secrets to live so freely began to fade, weakness taking its place. I yearned to hug him, to kiss away the frown his lips wore so sadly for reasons unbeknown to me.

When he didn't respond, I whispered, "I'll make you a deal. I'll let all my precaution and thoughts go to my feelings and really try this with you, if you open up more with me and tell me things. I want you to be my best friend as much as my everythingelse, too. I'm not about to do something I've never done if I feel like I don't know all of you." Was I giving him an ultimatum? That was the last thing I wanted; to give him the option to leave me for good, because I was already so attached and…falling. I didn't want to cause things to become more out of my hands than they were.

He closed his eyes, taking away any of the limited insight I had into him, his words pleading and pulling at my heart. "That's a lot to ask, honey."

I stepped closer to touch his face; the spot below his cheekbone. He turned to my fingers. "So is what you'd be asking of me. You don't _need _to ask it of me, though, Jacob. I'll do it if you do." He hesitated, crumpling. "At least we'll both go down together… if it doesn't work, for either of us." Maybe that could somehow draw us closer.

Jacob's hand enclosed mine, keeping it to his face as he nuzzled it, lips moving against my palm like a kiss, followed by a growled sigh. "It doesn't even matter, Bella, if I tell you or not. You won't believe me anyways. This'll never work. Fuck, I'm sorry, but it can't," he whispered, and whatever it was that was tearing him up inside that didn't derive from my lack of communication, it was _this_; the implications he was implying now.

Neither of us was letting our voices be accusatory, but I slipped up with "I didn't think you were the type to give up."

That brought him back, and his eyes snapped open. For a few seconds he stared at me, eyes aflame. "My past… it's damn ugly. I want everything with you, Bells, and my even considering telling you about every bit of me should be enough of an example to how damn true those words are, but it'll just change everything between us for worse. It'll ruin us."

I hated the fear his words brought me. "Okay." I breathed the word, trying to compose more of them, the right thing to say. "I believe you, but I think, if we're both willing, we can get through it. So tell me. Right now, like I did, if you're serious about us." There came that pesky ultimatum again. My subconscious was letting it slip, so maybe it was for the better.

This he contemplated for an inordinate amount of time. "Don't freak out. Please, Bells, honey." His face was completely hidden in my hand at this point, as if such a small thing could shield him, as he agreed to my terms. It still didn't take away the pain I saw there.

I wouldn't promise him anything just yet, so I nodded. "Tell me."

The hand holding mine tightened, fingers flexing. "I… My tribe… We…" He stopped until he started, "Have you ever noticed how warm I am? How strong I am? How _tall_ and big I am?"

How could I not? I noticed everything about him. "Yes. What's that have to do with anything?" My voiced conveyed how on edge I was. If Jacob thought whatever he was about to reveal could tear us apart, than surely it was something that could.

"It's not all human, Bella."

I tried to jerk my hand away, but he wouldn't allow it. My heart raced for the simple reason of being lied to.

"Listen to me, honey," he urged, holding me with both his hands and eyes. "I… I used to be different, not all human… I… I'm still not."

The air left my lungs; a fist at my gut. "What are you talking about?"

He whispered a simple, lingering, "Werewolf."

I choked on a sound ripping through my throat, a mix of a bitter laugh and sob, bringing with it embarrassed and hurt tears. He allowed me to tear out of his grip and take parting, shaky steps backwards, away from him. The reality of his words sunk in, my shoulders and heart plummeted, and I didn't bother to try and stop the fresh tears. "I feel like such a _fool_ for sharing all of myself for you to just make a joke out of it. _Out _of me." I turned in a rush to leave, deciding I hated—

"Bella," he growled, grabbing my arm, tugging me roughly back around to him. "I'm not lying."

A rage of misjudgment rose within me and I replaced my hurt with sarcasm, back to locking my feelings away. "Right." I rolled my eyes. "Of course you're not lying."

"Fuck, let me just explain—"

"Prove it," I interrupted, my voice dangerously sharp and furious, a sound of disgust I'd never heard from myself mixed with it. I didn't have time to notice how badly I was trembling.

Jacob was looking at me like his own heart was broken, which I thought was unfair. "I can't."

_Because you're lying!_ I wanted to scream at him. Instead, I forced myself out of his grip one last time, my body language demanding him not touch me, and choked out "I hate you, Jacob Black" into the night air as I turned to leave, feeling so exposed and raw to only be shot down and played.

* * *

When I awoke the next morning, there was a warm hand pushing hair back from my head, and instinctually my body screamed _Jake! _But the touch was too feminine, and my body drained of its momentary happiness as the night before came back to me like it had never left; Jacob's lies, leaving him, running until I was far enough away at a bus stop that I didn't think he would follow me to, crying once safely alone, dragging myself into bed with no more tears but only numbness, curling next to Beau with the single last thought of _Werewolves_ I was sure would haunt me in my dreams.

And I knew it was real by the way my heart hurt.

I opened my eyes to find Rebecca's consoling, nervous face looking down at me. It took a minute or two for me to really process things and why she must be in my home.

"How'd you get in here?" My voice croaked, probably from all the crying and choking on the swelling emotion the night before. No wonder why I never let it into my heart. I felt empty, my face crusted over in dried tears, which I could feel cracking as I tensed the muscles under my cheeks.

"Your front door was unlocked," she explained, her hand continuing to push hair back from my face. "Good thing it was me who wandered in and not some burglar. Your dog didn't even bark."

_Beau_, I thought sadly. He was supposed to protect me last night. I heard his heavy breathing come from the foot of my bed and found it strangely assuring.

I sat up slowly, painfully, as if I was physically damaged from how emotionally I was. Rebecca moved so I could push the covers away, taking with it the trapped heat, to reveal the set of clothes I'd been wearing since work yesterday. She noticed with another one of her sad looks. I didn't have to guess why she was here any longer.

The emotion from last returned, and I got straight to the point, heartbroken. "Why is he doing this?"

This time, Rebecca fidgeted and began to straighten out her own hair – the usual slicked back look she wore to work. She must've stopped by on her way in. I would have been late if she hadn't come by and woken me. I so carelessly forgot to set my alarm, but with all that had been going on, it was the last thought on my mind when I crawled into bed, seeking escape. The betrayal was too loud and thick and arbitrary for anything else to wade through.

She cleared her throat, thus beginning a long tirade. "Jacob is my brother, Bella. I hate that he brought you into this and that he's potentially threatened our own relationship because of what he feels of you. Based on what you may think of him now… I don't want to have to choose sides between the two of you." She stood, straightening out her blouse, looking nervous, but like she knew what she was doing. "…But I am choosing sides. I'm with my brother on this. Whatever you may think of him and my family and myself, that's okay. You have every right to think we're crazy.

"He's telling the truth, whether that means anything to you coming from me or not. If you no longer trust me, if this so much as jeopardizes your want to stay with my firm, than I want you to know that I understand. But do one thing for _me_, if you can find it in yourself? Don't tell anyone about the crazy boy who told you he was a werewolf, especially not Charlie or anyone else you may know in Forks. It's a great secret of our tribe, very rarely does the word spread to anyone outside of it, but Jake has special privileges and I back him in telling you, even though I wish it wasn't you who he'd fallen for."

Her purse was back on her shoulder, she stepped closer to the door of my room. "I'm going to give you the day off and let you think things over. I really hope that you choose to stay here and that this hasn't scared you off. If anything, you owe letting Jake give you an explanation before you make any final decision, but please do not share this with anyone. That's all I'm asking."

What world had I just been thrown into? I couldn't think, only stare uncomprehendingly.

Rebecca continued, "Call me… once you've made your decision. Goodbye, Bella."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ Thanks for all the feedback for last chapter :-) Angst is always short lived, promise… But I'm having a field day here, what can I say? ;-) The secret has been revealed, which you've all probably guessed by now, but there are many others that accompany it! We're just getting started, folks. _

_Would love to hear some feedback, as always. _


	10. Chapter 10

_**Ch. 10**_

The distantly familiar noise of pelts and pelts of rain hitting the tin of the roof drain above and knocking against the windows of my condo woke me too soon after Rebecca had gone but left her words behind. Through the window, still curled in bed after waking, I watched dark grey clouds from the distance move closer with every minute, telling of all the previous rainless weeks that must've accumulated into this one large storm, because there was a _downpour_; the type soaking you through your clothes one foot out the door. I'd seen a few of these with the monsoons back home.

This – _the rain_ – bothered me today, warning of an even greater sense of doom and more realistically forming that metaphoric grey cloud over my once light paradise.

Earlier this morning, I reached such a high point of mental exhaustion – a heavy feeling of my mind too full – that dozing off again was simple, because it was almost as though I blacked out. If this situation was any less tolling, any less thought provoking, I was sure I wouldn't have been able to sleep through the places my mind was taking me, but being so shell-shocked helped in effectively shutting down in every way possible. Not even when I stared at my ceiling for hours to the sound of the storm, piecing together all I could, did it make me feel _any_ sort of shock or stun; not even as I asked myself the question _What do I know about werewolves_? and answered _They're cursed by full moons and allergic to silver. _

My enlightenment of the subject had come from reading numerous novels. The folklore was always the same or slightly varied in each. The moment I began to really think it through was the moment I caught myself on the brink of stupidly considering_ werewolves_ as if it were actually factual.

No, they're only stories in books.

As I continued to lay in bed, with a crippled and stepped on heart, I felt like even more of a fool for hoping such a monstrosity of thing could be real. It wasn't. I needed to convince myself of that before I lost the remainder of my entity to what Jacob had already taken from me. Yet, the part of me that liked having the answers to each and every problem still demanded them, screamed a desperate _why!_, so I broke the promise to Rebecca I would have made if I was any less angry at each of their betrayals.

I called Charlie.

Five minutes after the idea formed – leaving a message on his answering machine, realizing it was Friday and he would be at work, calling Renée to get that number – I was on hold waiting to go through to the Sheriff of Forks, Washington.

"Officer Swan," he greeted in his familiarly-fatherly gruff voice.

Before this point, I practiced speaking, clearing my throat, to make sure my own voice wouldn't give me away. The pain from the night before I couldn't rid myself of, but I didn't think he'd notice. "Hi, Charlie."

He coughed and choked on a drink, a gurgling noise resounding. _Coffee_, I presumed. "Bella! What're you doin' calling my work? Is everything okay?"

I cracked the first smile on my lips of the day. He worried too much, but for someone with his job, I couldn't blame him. Someone worrying about me was nice, too. "Things are fine." I didn't try to sound convincing as I let out a half-hearted chuckle and carried straight to the point. "I was only calling to ask you something quickly and say hi. Mom gave me this number."

"Well, sure! It's nice hearing your voice. You can call anytime. What's on your mind, Bells?" Through the phone, I heard the shutting of a door and the voices in the background cease. _Privacy_, my mind told me, taking me right back to the night before where I stood under an illuminating streetlight with Jacob feet away, and the out of nowhere memory caused my body to flinch.

Before continuing, I had to shake it off.

I sat at the edge of my bed, facing the window, watching the rain. The stare my eyes held was blank, but I explained mechanically, already having rehearsed this in my head, "I've been hanging around Jacob and Rebecca a lot lately. They've told me…stories about their tribe. I was wondering if you've ever heard anything? I'm… curious, I guess."

"'Course I have," came his reply. "Billy's always telling some stories about their tribe's ancestors and the wolf folklore. It's all a big hit with the kids. You were there once, for the stories. Don't you remember?"

Remember? My brain hurt too much if I really tried to think, but no…not during Jacob's lies and Rebecca's taking sides did anything come to mind. Still lost in my lack of memory, I whispered a lost, "No…"

He encouraged, "Huh. Well, you should get one of them to tell you. They're pretty darn interesting."

"Sure sure." From my speech, a part of Jacob I kept inside escaped, leaving me with a fresh wave of hurt. My fingers gripped the sheets. I was lying to myself if I thought it would be easy to let him go if he was already so much a part of me. The following tears were my cue to end the call. "I should get going, Charlie. Thanks."

"Welcome. Say hi to those two for me. Don't be a stranger. Love you, Bells," he said in a voice a level lower than the top-notch cheeriness he first greeted me with, and was probably due to my abruptness and not even the simple _How are you, dad?_

But those were our last parting words; we hung up at the same moment, leaving no room for what would have been my lack of response, and he must have known I didn't have one. I was too busy feeling a sense of relief in the form of a punch at my gut and, with another blow, hating myself directly after because according to Charlie, someone I trusted because he had no reason to deceive me, Jacob's and Rebecca's tribe secrets were in some way truthful. That, I crossed off my mental list, weren't the lies among many I needed answers to. But more importantly, Charlie's confirmation meant Jacob wasn't completely out of his mind crazy, and it gave me some form of a strand – a loose, tearing string – of hope to cling to.

Maybe there was a part of this I was missing; maybe Jacob had gotten something wrong. I so badly wanted to believe him, because I didn't want the person shedding so much light on my life to be gone from it so abruptly.

From the two too-short weeks of being with Jacob, I knew it was Friday nights he never worked in his messy and always changing schedule, and if there was any sort of time to take weak action, it was now. As I began to lift my aching body from bed, my phone, still in my hands, beeped.

In my head, the message read _I'm sorry, Bells, let me explain_, but as I blinked, it really said _What's wrong, sweetie? _I'd cut Renée off so quickly when I got Charlie's work number from her it was no wonder she was texting me for answers. But I needed answers of my own, so she could wait. I had a sinking feeling I would be returning home empty-handed and equally as empty everywhere else with an even greater need to cry to someone.

The walk to the bus stop, the drive, the getting off the bus and walking to my destination all passed in a blur, but the rain soaking me from head to toe I couldn't ignore; my jeans and shirt clung to me, hair sticking to my neck. There was a chill behind the rain – a replacement of its usual warmth, feeling different against my skin that I had a hard time liking.

With shaky fingers, I lifted the hatch on the fence surrounding the Blacks' house leading into the backyard, the same way Jacob led me in and out of many different times, smiles and silly butterflies with each enter and exit. I had stared at the empty house before this, making a decision and observing it from the street for many dragging minutes, noting the two missing cars up front but the two placed motorcycles in the door-less shed on the left. If there had been anything in my stomach, it would have come back up with the dry heaves from a combination of weighing emotions, beginning with nerves and ending with facing someone I thought I could love who rather betrayed me and left a crease in my universe behind.

Most of the time, I never liked facing my demons. I wouldn't have now if Jacob didn't mean so much to me, and I think that was why I was I so shaken up.

The backyard seemed never-ending as I walked its length to the guest house's front door, feet sinking into the wet lawn, a squishing, sucking noise sounding.

With the reminder that Jacob was the one on trial here – _not_ me, even if I was feeling so – it helped lift my clenched hand to send my knuckles in connection with the door three times. It also helped refuel me with an urge to get answers and make Jacob feel as completely pitiful as I do now to punish him for punishing me, even if all I wanted was to be in his arms and maybe cry a little. But I didn't think he deserved to see me so weak, so he wouldn't.

Too soon Jacob answered, as if expecting me, his own face reflecting what I saw of mine passing by a mirror at home, hair tousled and shirtless, eyes momentarily drained before transforming into hard and pressing as he took me in, no words but a pleading, begging look, and for a few long beats of silence that was all there was, like he was scared his words would send me away once more as if I was a frightened dog. I probably appeared as one.

I felt my lower lip tremble as I worked up, "This is it." My voice of warning mixed with the rain, my eyelashes mixing with the droplets falling from my hair and making it hard but not impossible to see. "This is it, okay? Make me understand why you've done this. I need answers from you."

And suddenly it felt as though we were backwards and last night was replaying in a different scenario; a one where I'm Jacob and he's me, because the pain spreading like liquid across his face was once on mine and I knew from experience exactly how it felt within me and what it must be feeling like within him now. Somewhere in me it was still there, untouched.

His hand reached out, as if to touch me, in the same moment I got sucked back into the feelings I was trying to fight off a while longer so that my hard edge would remain and I could inflict every ounce of pain on him as he had on me. It was the only way I knew how to react in this situation. Before I could come to and make any move to recoil from him, Jacob stopped it himself, muttering _Damn it_ under his breath, clenching his fist, and lowering it back to his side, a clear line between his eyes from where his brows tensed.

The door, by the force of his same hand, was shoved the rest of the way open and his body moved aside to invite me in. Even though the rain was nothing to me at this moment, I still wanted out of it. I took the remaining steps into the dark-lit living room, standing in place, my own hands fisted, unmoving and dripping water to form a puddle on the carpet floor.

Once I heard the door close, Jacob's voice followed after with, "You're soaking wet," and a sigh to his tone. I didn't turn to face him, but just shrugged. Was he expecting any more than this from me? _He's_ the one who kicked me around and beat me to the ground by forcing me to open up and then shutting me down, I wasn't sulking for attention, only for vengeance.

"I'll get you some clothes to change into. Then…I'll tell you. Everything. Okay, honey? Shit, don't make this so hard on me."

If I could see his face, I was sure I would melt under that and his scared words.

But I couldn't. So I instead shrugged again, caring less about my clothes than anything else, but he was promising me an explanation, so I would go along with his desires to make sure I got what I needed to appease my aching heart, as if answers were going to fill up the hole the way they fill up my mind.

In his room, after following him down the blank hallway, my eyes gave in to the sadness and relaxed, following Jacob as he searched around for a change of clothes I could fit into, appearing lost, constantly going back and forth, from one dresser to another, giving himself time to think and gather himself. Things had never been like this between us, with a need to escape from the other. It was always so easy. Words and feelings used to flow naturally.

I was sure two minutes had passed before he was back in front of me, holding the items he searched his room to find; a shirt and sweats. After acknowledging the clothes, I looked back up at Jacob to find his eyes hadn't left mine. I ignored everything but that blackness, trying my hardest to read him now that there was clear light above us (his face was hard, the light accentuated this) as he seemed to be doing the same with me. What were my eyes and expression telling him?

We simply stared, trying to figure the other out, his arm still extended. And to that battle our eyes were fighting – mine searching for any sign of regret or love or remorse, his fighting for forgiveness while equally begging for it – I reacted to what I saw still burning between us: want. It was as bright and as hard to ignore as the sun. _That_. I could use that against him. In one swift motion, I tugged my shirt over my head and dared in a cold voice, "Touch me."

Before the air of my next breath could leave my lungs, my back was slammed into the nearest wall and Jacob's hands were everywhere, pinning me with those and his body. His lips, with a groan, found mine with a rough capture.

I knew this was where our initial attraction would always come from, because with every one of his touches I felt a little bit lighter, and even as the same effect happened now, lifting me, I was kissing and touching him back because I knew it was the one thing I could use against him, but there was _nothing_ behind those touches or kisses, and that was the point. The same emotion he put into the intimacy of his touches, something his hands and lips could communicate with ease, I was taking and not returning, doing so deliberately because hadn't this been my problem all along? The one that caused this fight? If it beat him down so much once before, it was sure to now.

My hands became responsive and my fingernails raked down his naked torso, coming to rest on the hardness growing beneath his shorts, squeezing, as his hands worked their way from my hair to my breasts, his lips breathing my name as he pushed into me with the grunt, the softness of his voice telling of how he was thinking this was me forgiving him, because he was saying it with so much love.

Yet, not much longer did I have to act in the way that had caused our fight – by never voicing my feelings and sucking his right up, as Jacob had told me – because he picked up on how unresponsive and taking and using and how un-full of feeling my touches were, except to pit them against him, so quickly, like he always had with me when we were like this. He could feel it, sense it, in the same way he had when I wasn't trying like I am now, using it as my revenge.

His hands and lips fell away from me in the same moment like I would burn him, palms resting on the wall above my shoulders as he hung his head, trembling, heavy breaths coming from us both, his fanning to the top of my head and smelling of evergreen. I opened my eyes to watch him shatter, not feeling any remorse until then.

Jacob pushed away from me and for a brief moment I could see his pain – his own form of understanding of what I was doing – just before he turned his head away, not allowing me to see like I hadn't allowed him. He composed himself, muttered in a toneless voice, "I'll be out in the living room when you're ready," and left the room like he would rather be anywhere but here.

Tears gathered in my eyes. This isn't the type of person I am; to inflict pain. Why did I do that? Why was I trying to hurt him? It was useless and completely, undeniably stupid. It was only hurting me in return, every stab a one at my chest. I felt impossibly sicker and had to cover my mouth with a shaky hand to choke the sickness in the form of sobs back.

Once _I_ was somewhat composed, I changed into the oversized shirt and sweats and made the decision to drop this act of trying to get back at him. I think I already had.

In the living room, I found him sitting on the couch, leaning forward, elbows on knees, hands buried in his hair. I waited for him to catch sight of me and sit up a bit straighter before I took the remaining steps so I was on the couch, on my knees, and throwing myself into his arms and chest, not feeling any more inclined than I had in his bedroom to let my tears go. Even so, as I whispered a mantra of, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just so _hurt_ and angry," a few still managed to escape and slide down my cheeks until they met where my face molded into his chest. My arms squeezed around him.

Jake's hands came up to rub up my back lightly, still fearful, his lips at the top of my head, in my hair. "Shhhh… 's okay, honey, I deserved it. I deserved it."

My head shook a stubborn _No_ – Jacob was the last person to ever deserve anything like that – as his warmth began to seep back into me. I closed my eyes, reveling, and asked in voice still of a whisper, "Can we pretend none of this ever happened and go back to the way we were before? I'm good at pretending. I just want to be with you like this."

The way his muscles tensed, relaxed, tensed back up again made it so I could almost feel the wheels spinning in his head as he weighed the idea. He sighed, and I knew his answer. "No, honey." He pushed me by my shoulders, so my head was away from his chest and he could look at me, tilt my chin. "Neither of us is that good at pretending. Christ, I really fucking need to tell you and you need to make a decision for yourself about me and _us_, Bella. Sit back. Let me explain what I told you last night, okay?"

To his orders, I drew my body away from his achingly, never wanting to have to but doing it anyways. I placed a quick and apologizing kiss to his jaw and settled back into the cushions with my knees to my chest, chin resting on them. I wiped away the tears still on my cheeks and gathered myself. "Go ahead. I'm really going to try and listen and believe you, Jacob."

The small smile on his lips was meant to be reassuring, but the way it faltered disproved that. He was nervous. So was I.

I braced myself. A voice in my head reminded my heart of all I went over this morning, urging my subconscious not to lose that.

Just before Jacob looked as though he was going to speak, lips parting, he took my hand, brought it to his mouth to place a kiss, and kept it in his solid grip, resting on his thigh. Other than that simple touch, he kept the space between us gaping in case I couldn't handle it and needed to escape.

He began, "When I said 'werewolf' I wasn't lying, Bells. If it hadn't happened to me when I was sixteen, my reaction would have been like yours. Fuck, it _was_. I thought I lost it when I phased for the first time. God, it was the worst night of my life." His jaw tensed, he was staring straight ahead, off in a different world. "Growing up in La Push, we were always told these stories about how our tribe was descended from wolves. It's our _culture_, it's celebrated. The whole town is painted in these stories. It's something we're supposed to have great pride in, but to most of the people it's all a myth. We're told and meant to believe that at one point Quileutes could transform into wolves on will because generations ago the leader of our tribe gave his soul to a wolf, and every man with the same bloodline as him since had the ability to phase into a werewolf.

"For three generations the gene has been absent. Part of the stories is that the only time these 'genes' are activated is when our tribe needs protectors… from our enemies, the Cold Ones. Vampires," he explained, his lips pulled back into a sneer. "It wasn't until my generation that our tribe needed these protectors, so as a result, the ten of us with the strongest bloodlines phased. This happened five years ago. To me. To my closest friends. No one knew how to deal with it, or what to expect. It hadn't happened in a century. We just knew the tales.

"I would prove it to you in a fucking instant if I could… but I _can't_. I gave it up, quit, when I moved here after high school. And stopping…it takes years of practice, Bella. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and I've been through a lot. _So _fucking much. For three years I've been fighting it. The wolf is almost gone… but I can still feel it inside me, in my chest. I wake up in a cold sweat every damn morning… Giving into it and phasing to show you would just land me back at step one. I've fought so damn hard to be where I am right now. I don't want to go back. I'll go crazy, Bells.

"When I was phasing, everything for me as heightened. Sight and smell and hearing were all increased, my body temperature skyrocketed. That's why I told you last night that those things about me aren't all human. We, the wolves, run at 108.9 degrees. Even now, I'm at about a solid 100. I can still hear things normal people can't, still _smell_ and _see_ and _sense_, my strength is more than what should be normal but not near the way it was before. None of those changes have completely gone away. I don't think they ever will, not even the wolf. Fuck, he'll always be there. But do you understand? Do you see how it makes sense?"

Jacob was facing me now and I was slack-jawed and a little bit light-headed. My fingers gripped, dug into the cushion of the couch below me. At some point my hand had fallen from his. "How…how on earth am I supposed to believe this with no proof, Jacob? To me it sounds like some story out of a one of the manuscripts I'm reading. And…_vampires_?" My heart was going wild, this was too much. "Jake, you can't expect—"

My scared words were cut off by Jacob's lips. He leaned closer to me, cupping my cheek to kiss me and do that magical thing where all his feelings for me are told from how soft and gentle yet so passionate his lips in the form of a kiss can be. I got lost. His confession left me, the worry left me, and I was kissing him back, arching closer and touching my own hand to his cheek, thinking this should have been how it was in his room.

Seconds later he broke away, resting his forehead on mine, his fingers of the hand at my cheek twisting in my hair. Once more, he placed a kiss to my lips, awaking all my feelings for him from within, and asked, "Can you believe that? Can that be enough for now? I'm falling so in love with you, Bella. I would never lie to you, but this had to come out." Another kiss was followed with, "Let me convince you. I'll do anything."

The only thing keeping me from going over the edge, falling to all my want of arguing the logistics of this ugly truth being a lie, was Rebecca and what she told me about _this _being the actual truth. I felt conflicted as I whispered, feeling tears come back to my eyes, "_Jake, _I don't _know _what to bel—"

"I'll show her."

To the sound of Embry's voice, Jake's body broke from mine and our heads twisted to where he stood at the entry of the living room. Before I could blink, Jacob was on his feet, the look on his face protesting, but Embry was quicker than him to interrupt with a hand held up to stop him. I hastened to my own feet, catching myself on Jacob's forearm to keep from falling over from the dizziness.

We both faced Embry, who said next, "I'm not asking for your permission, Jake. So fucking save the speech. Sheesh. I know what the risks are." Risks? My brain was still catching up with me. "You know as well as I do that I owe you this for bringing me here and away from what we know would have happened. I'll take the set-back of a few months." He stepped closer, now looking directly at Jacob, the air becoming tense and serious and stuffy. "But one thing first: Are you sure she's worth it?"

"You shouldn't fucking have to ask me that, Embry," Jake growled without even a pause, giving no room for Embry's question to float and get trapped in the humidity.

"Right, 'course." Embry clapped his hands together, nodding his head. "Let's just get this over with then." My eyes, wild with confusion, watched Embry move towards the front door and exit, leaving it and the rain that had ceased to a dribble open to us.

I placed a hand to my chest, wanting the beat of my heart and its pounding on my bones to slow. It shouldn't be normal how fast it was racing.

"C'mon, honey," Jake whispered in my ear, holding me up with arm at my waist. "Embry's about to give you your proof. This is where you need to make your decision, okay, Bells? Stay or go."

Feeling various forms of nerves shoot up my spine and sting my stomach, I nodded my want of the proof, thinking my voice wouldn't make it past the lumps in my tight throat, which ached to say _Stay, I'll stay_. To the kiss Jacob placed at my head, he grabbed my hand, slipped our fingers together, interlocking them, and led me out the way I came in.

The scene outside was strange. Again, we were facing Embry who was facing us, but he was a good yard away, at the opposite end, near the fence and the large concealing trees placed there. Jacob kept us at this point, not more than five steps out the door, so that there was distance.

"Shorts," Embry called out to Jake, who nodded, freeing himself to leave me and turn back around to go inside for clothes. My grip on him was unrelenting, not allowing him to leave me. Shorts? Why would he need shorts? My eyes begged and questioned Jacob's.

"Our clothes get shredded when we phase. Embry's being modest for you, honey, so you won't have to see him naked."

A frenzied breath of _What?_ left my lips, but Jacob was already gone, leaving me unsure if I would remain standing. _What_? I grew even more nervous and fearful, scared of what was to come at the word _shredded_, and to this, Embry chuckled, his voice drifting up to me, "It's okay, Swan. I won't bite."

My eyes widened. I sucked in the largest lung-full of humid air my lungs would allow. Jacob was back and holding me to his side before my mind could drive me too crazy. With the hand that wasn't around me, he tossed the shorts down to Embry.

Thinking if I blinked I would miss whatever it was I was about to witness, I kept my eyes peeled. I registered every ounce of confliction on Embry's face until there was no more face to inspect. Because then, so soon, there was a cracking, shifting noise and a larger-than-any-animal-I'd-seen-in-my-life wolf stood looking like a horse but with the girth of a bear, the torn clothes falling away to the wet ground, catching in the wind.

I could it hear it breathing. I could hear him, _Embry_, breathing. I gasped, because the truth sunk in with sharp knives, and Jacob had to catch me from falling.

"Thank you, Embry," Jake said in a voice so full of sincerity, dismissing him, as he turned us away from the grey wolf to the sound of that strange, cracking noise resounding once more.

Embry's voiced, "Welcome," stuck in my head. They could talk as wolves? As that thought was occurring, I saw Embry, as the human Embry I thought I knew, wince as he was walking past us on two legs, looking weak in a fresh pair of shorts. He made it to the house, I saw, just as Jacob pulled me tighter and tucked my head into his chest. I think I was crying or shaking. Or both. Nauseous, too. Air was becoming difficult to breathe because everything inside me wanted to come back up. I dug my fingers into Jake's side to keep myself anchored.

I focused on inhaling as Jake asked gently, "Are you okay to move, honey?"

My head shook _no_ immediately, a voice warning _I'm going to faint I'm going to faint I'm going to faint_. "_No_. Don't let go."

Jacob's soft chuckle was endearing as he picked me up, keeping me close to him, sensing I wanted to be there. We were back inside his room before I knew it, sitting on his bed, my body curled in his lap and face buried into his neck, regaining composure. Anytime I unclenched my fingers from his sides, they shook.

I took that quiet time to process, hoping the world would stop spinning in the meantime. _Werewolves. Real_. Had my eyes betrayed me? I closed them, replaying the memory: A man and then a wolf… all within the same time-frame of a second. It was real. Out of fear, I asked, "Am I going crazy?" It felt that way.

His hand smoothed the hair on my head. "Only as crazy as I am, honey."

Somehow, that answer sedated me and my chest felt lighter. "Hmm," I hummed, and into his neck, nuzzling, I whispered, "I must really like you, Jacob Black."

* * *

_**A/N**__: I just want to remind that the wolf-y events in Jacob's life still happened the same way as they happened in La Push in the books, there's no difference here, except his moving to Hawaii after two years of phasing and a huge AU aspect of it which will come about later on.  
Also, I changed the ending of this cause it would have been cliffhanger-ish and too much for one chapter. But I guess by telling you that it's kind of cliffhanger-ish is a cliffhanger in itself. I guess what I'm saying is next chapter might surprise most of you, hopefully not for the worse. _

_Until next time :-) I would love to hear your thoughts!_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Ch.11**_

The venturing fingers I noticed first.

All else faded – the processing sleep, the slumber enveloping me in its arms, the thick fog in my head – as each touch drew me closer towards consciousness.

Eventually, with each pull, I met that consciousness, and as I did, I was so full of content I was sure I was floating. _Floating_. I could breathe, and it was hard not to notice the drastic change in feeling to how I woke each morning over the past week while all was off-balance and out of place and obscured with Jacob. But, waking today, my universe seemed to have discovered the perfect counterbalance. Clouds held me.

My attention, the small of it, stayed on the warm fingers moving up and down my back with no pattern, under the Jacob-sized shirt. To keep this content feeling within me, fearing opening my eyes would allow it to go, I kept them shut furtively and acted as if I had never woken, wanting those fingers to continue to touch me so freely. Soon, some too-quick seconds later, I began to react, muscles pleasantly tightening in my stomach, and the fingers became purposefully tickling at my side.

I choked on a laugh, my voice, combined with a small groan, protested weakly, "_Jake_, stop," as I tried to move away from his tickles, but his grip was too solid to escape from, and to my request, he let up with a soft chuckle.

The same hand inflicting the tickles and the touches settled at my hip and squeezed, fingers curling. "Wake up, honey. I can't let you sleep all day, even if you look so damn adorable."

The _sleep all day_ part got me. Surely I couldn't have been asleep for any longer than nine hours. The light in the room, dripping in from the two windows, gave me no indicator of time, _but_… I hadbeen exhausted with all that I'd been feeling the day before, and each part of me (every tired muscle) agreed I deserved the long rest. It seemed to have helped somewhere inside me, wherever the content was stemming from.

I cracked an eye open to find his face in front of mine, on the same pillow, bodies on our sides.

My breath left me. I couldn't help but stare, because seeing Jacob today was like seeing him from a new angle, and my heart expanded and became achy.

With sleep, his truth and circumstance had sunk in, and I absorbed it._ Werewolf_. I didn't question the ugly reality as I used to, and by the lack of negative reactions from my body (no nightmares, no creeping sense of apprehension or second guessing towards Jacob), I took it as a good sign that I was okay with this. Still varying levels of crazy, but whatever I felt for him in my heart outweighed all else, I was sure. Especially now, as he rubbed our noses together and kissed my lips; my toes still curled and my stomach still burned with a well-known fire.

The kiss ended too swiftly. "What's wrong with sleeping all day?" I asked disapprovingly, placing one of my hands at his still-bare chest. Our feet tangled together.

Jacob answered with that _smile _of his. "Nothin', it just means I can't do _this_." Again, he kissed me, but this time our lips parted and tongues touched. My hand moved to hold his jaw, fingers feather-light, feeling the muscles there tense with each move of his mouth.

Before I could really lose myself, he stopped and pulled away, forcing me to reopen my eyes so his could search them. His answers weren't there, so he asked in an insecure and very un-Jacob-like way, "Is this okay? Are you freaked out yet? I keep waiting for you to run away from me… Tell me what you're thinking, Bells, now that you've slept. Please, honey. I've been so damn nervous all morning."

All morning? I wondered for the second time how late it was and if he'd been worrying himself silly ever since I had fallen asleep in his arms last night, still curled in his lap. Through a fuzzy memory, I remembered bits and pieces of Jacob lying down with me in his bed, asking if I wanted him to take me home or if I felt comfortable (safe, I think was what he was getting at) here. Between my nodded _yes _of wanting to sleep next to him, we hadn't shared very many other words. I felt guilty; like I should have made myself more clear besides the already obvious _I must really like you, Jacob Black_.

Assurance, I knew, was always assuring. Jacob gave me that more than I did him.

In addition to the unpleasant and raw guilt of not giving him that sooner, I searched inside me for all those _thoughts_ he was asking for and attempted to assemble them into _assurance_. "I'm thinking"—I kissed his lips, thinking since that always worked with me it would work with him—"that we're…okay, and that I'm not going to be running away from you. But…I have so many questions, Jake. I'm still trying to take this all in." Those questions weren't the bad kind, either. I remembered once being so in the dark with Jacob, snooping his room in search of some sort of discovery to feed my questions and finding a set of pictures with no given reason until now, but even being somewhat in the light, there were still shadows.

Was there ever a place without them?

My answer had only half the effect on Jacob as I was hoping for. His thumb brushed my chin, back and forth, as he nodded an understanding, his expression hinting of his remaining unease. "Ask. Anything you want to know, honey, I'll tell you. I just have no damn idea where to begin and part of me is so damn paranoid the more in depth I go the more you'll come to your senses and—"

Those words caused my hand to slap over his lips, silencing him. "_Jacob_," I warned in my best scolding voice, "shut up. That won't be the case, okay?" I held his eyes, urging a response. When his lips against my palm pulled into a smile and his tongue darted out to lick me, I crinkled my nose and wiped my now wet hand at his chest, replying full of honesty, "I don't think my heart would ever let me run away, either. You've at least got that, even if my mind hasn't completely wrapped around this. But it will. Eventually. I'm sure of it."

I loved watching his eyes soften. "Sure sure. If you say so, honey."

"I do say so," I argued, but lightly, teasingly. We don't need _tense _between us any longer. I refocused on the first point of our conversation, pushing back the hair falling to his forehead. "Can I ask you something now, or are you going to continue to be paranoid?"

Jacob's eyes rolled, those same damn fingers pinching my sides, causing me to squirm, but he chuckled and told me, "Ask away, Bells."

It took me what seemed like minutes to regain my thoughts and ask the question I'd been too overwhelmed last night to ask. Among all the other curiosities, this one stuck out for some reason. I would wait patiently for all the others to come as my mind continued to free itself from sleep. "How come Embry can still…" I blinked. What was the word Jacob used?

Knowingly, he filled in the blank with, "Phase?"

I nodded. A part of me wasn't expecting Embry to…_be_ like Jacob. I was under the impression it was only him with this secret, one he shared with a select few. (My whole being questioned what made Jacob decide to tell me.)

"He hasn't…quit, like you?" What made me ask was Embry's 'setting me back for a few months.' Couldn't they just…stop, and be done for good?

"No, he has," Jacob clarified, began, "but I quit a year before him. We weren't sure what would happen if we stopped, if we even could, so I chose to test it out when we moved here. Embry's still going through the long process of giving it up and fighting off the urges to phase every day. He probably has another year to go to be where I'm at, but he's got control over it, which is great. I learned the hard way and tortured myself in the process, but at least I'm able to tell Embry what to do and not do, y'know?"

Absorbing that information, I tried to process it all while staring at his chin, whispering, "That's sweet of you, Jake," and still feeling skeptical of all else besides his stepping forward. Was stopping like breaking a habit? A long and _unnatural_ habit? But what did that mean, exactly?

My eyes reached back up to his, finding they had never left me. "Because you can't…phase, does that mean you're no longer…a wolf…in any way?"

I watched an out of place smirk grow on his lips. Jacob ducked his head to nip at my neck and whisper, "Only in the way that I like to bite," and continue teasing my skin, up to my jaw, hands back and alive at my sides, biting.

I waited until Jacob was through with my neck, having to fight off the pleasure filling me from his hands and lips to keep the conversation going. He pulled back to face me at my immobility. "Can you respond to that question honestly now?"

He grew more serious, as requested, and let out a soft sigh that touched my lips and tasted of him. "I dunno, honey. I still feel it, but not like I did before. But it's been over two years since my last phase, so I guess…no, I'm not really," Jacob decided, eyes distant, like was trying to recall something.

"But…you can hear and smell things others can't?"

My only reply was Jacob's slowly nodded _yes_.

I asked, "How so?" as if an explanation would make something so complicated so transparent. This was where the shadows began to fall; around the edges.

"I don't know how to explain it, Bells. It's normal for me," he explained gently, fingering the hair at my shoulder. "For example, right now, I can hear your heart beating. I can hear every time it accelerates, each time I near you…" To test his theory, he did just that, not touching my lips but moving close enough to tease, and to his word, my heart raced.

Jacob grinned as my breath hitched when his hand came to rest over where my heart was dancing for him.

Through the t-shirt I wore, I was reminded of another Jacob-different aspect. "And you're…warm, but not naturally so?"

The hand at my chest moved to cup my jaw, so I could feel the warmth I always gravitated towards, giving me the answer I already knew.

In my own way, I decided, "I like that you're warm," even if it countered my once thought of that warmth coming from Jacob naturally, as if it simply poured from him. Beneath the temperature, the real source, I was sure there was another form of warmth his outer-body degree couldn't touch. Jacob couldn't not be warm.

He smiled a soft smile. With his fingers, he tilted my chin to bring my lips to his for a long kiss, using that as the conclusion to our first round of _Ask and Tell_. "I don't want to spend all day in bed, honey. Let's go out, grab lunch. I threw your clothes in the dryer. Shower's free if you want it. I'm gonna go check on Embry and make sure he's not doing something he'll regret."

With a blush, I watched Jacob rise from bed, stretch – a movement making all those delicious muscles in his bare upper torso protrude and send butterflies to my stomach – ruffle a hand through his hair, and turn to leave. My gaze followed, taking him in from head to toe.

"Tell him thank you," I called out in a soft voice, unsure of if Jacob had heard me. The thought caused me to pause. _Of course_ he had, if that heightened hearing thing was correct. And there was no reason to lie. I think we were past that stage, and at least I had fair warning that all those would-be mumbles under my breath wouldn't go unnoticed.

I rolled on to my back to stare at the ceiling, bringing Jacob's shirt to my nose to take in his smell that floated all throughout his room, settling on my skin. The questions I had been waiting for earlier began to come back to me, creeping. Even though I wasn't even _nearly _educated on Jacob's heritage, I had a guess his and Embry's move to Hawaii wasn't to stop…phasing. Couldn't they have done that at home?

From Jacob's answers, I had a hard time deciphering if he left because of his wolf-y self or not. I'd easily gotten the impression it wasn't something he was fond of, but that could mean a handful of things.

I decided to let him off easy and not bombard him with questions. There was no rush to have each answered _now_, because maybe, even then, it would finally be too much for my mind. We had time.

Slow was good, for the both of us.

No part of me wanted to leave Jacob's bed, so having to drag myself from it was a fight; the warm sheets and comfy mattress seemed indescribably magnetic. Why hadn't I slept over here more often? I let out one last content sigh, face in the pillow, before ripping away, thinking the growls from my belly were enough of a reason to counter my wants of never-ever leaving Jacob's bed.

Once up and free, walking out of his room and down the hallway, I slipped more than once on the wooden floors from the oversized sweats falling well beneath my feet, creating a slick friction, and threatening to slide down my hips. My hands had to bunch up the legs, grip the hem, to make my path more smooth, less trip-worthy. I heard the brief voices of Jacob and Embry floating through the house.

Tucked near the front of the home, I found the dryer going, in its ending stages of a load, filled with other clothes than just the pair of mine. I did a quick change out of Jake's sweats and into my warm jeans there in that little corner, deciding I would keep his shirt on since I couldn't find mine within the deep-hole of the dryer and had no real desire to, anyways.

Jacob found me just as I was trying to do something to tame back my hair in the small mirror in the hallway. I fell asleep with it still damp; it stuck out in different ways, this and that. I settled for pulling it back.

"Ready, honey?" he asked, coming up behind me, resting his large hands at my shoulders.

I turned, nodded eagerly. I knew the adrenaline – which came hand-in-hand with a ride on Jacob's motorcycle – was soon in store, and my heart was already kick-starting into a race.

I failed then to notice then his change in expression and that his and Embry's voices had been argumentative.

Time passed with the wind flying by us. This ride was longer than all the others I'd been on with him. I held on tightly, keeping track of the four times one of his hands occasionally fell from the steering to place over the two of mine clasped at his front.

Eventually, we pulled into a parking lot housing one small shack labeled _Fish & Chips._ The smell of the food mixed with the humidity, clinging to it, brought back those growls to my stomach as we detangled from the bike. I caught Jacob's grin at my hunger as he took my hand, leading me up to the front to order.

"Are fish and chips okay, honey?"

"Sure, Jake." I smiled up at him, added sheepishly, "I haven't tried them here yet. Order for me?"

Jacob offhandedly nodded to my request in the same moment as the man behind the counter greeted us with a welcome and asked for our order, bright smile and all. I was busy staring at the surroundings, lost to where we were, somewhere unknown, but whatever this place was, it was breathtaking. I briefly caught Jacob's added, distant, "Extra tartar sauce," before he pulled out his wallet to pay.

Off to the side of the otherwise empty-lined food shack and empty-parked lot, we stood waiting for our food in silence, Jake's hand at the back of my neck, gently squeezing, thumb brushing occasionally. I was tempted to speak; each time I shied a glance upwards, I didn't have it in me to destroy the thoughts going on behind his eyes. This seemed like one of those wordless moments.

Our name was called out, telling us our order was ready within minutes, just after I stood on my tiptoes to kiss Jacob's cheek and receive a smile. The food came in baskets, looking never-ending with fries. I had a guess he ate here a lot. The amount of food was sure to fill his crazy appetite.

The bench Jacob led us to – cracked, drained of color unlike everything else on this island – looked as if it had seen its many days of sunlight and rain, because it was withered and wrinkled. Names and hearts were scrawled into it. We ate our meals side by side, the moss-green pointed mountains the only sight for my eyes to memorize. I hadn't yet been this deep into the hills of the island, from the distance I always saw them, and the sharpness of the striking green reminded me so fiercely of Forks. Maybe that was why Jacob brought me here; because of all the talk of home, he must be missing it.

I rested my head on his shoulder, nibbling at a fry I think was the equivalent of _chip _in the Fish & Chip combo, wondering where this left us and what he was thinking so hard about, if he was possibly feeling regret for telling me.

His hand on my knee told me _we_ were okay, so I let him have his silence.

* * *

I hated planes.

The too many voices and the too loud sounds of jet engines and propellers never failed to supply me with a head-throb; the small spaces and the tension leaking from all the other passengers and bouncing off the too-close cabin walls gave me an added anxiety, too. I was a wreck. Rebecca graciously fed me her extra Xanex (she was a nervous flyer) just before we took off and away from the big island.

I hoped to see the appeal of the pill soon. If the effects could possibly shake the heavy feeling in my chest – there ever since Jacob asked and I agreed to this – I would be more than thankful for the few free hours of relief from my overwhelmed heart. The way Jacob and I had gone about this so effortlessly scared me; we'd known each other for three months but our feelings, which had landed us here, acted as if they had been years in the works. I couldn't help but think how easily I agreed _Yes_ to him that day on the beach, like nothing else mattered, and I knew from experience of deciphering Jacob's expressions, he was once feeling the same scared-ness of his feelings for me as I have been for him all week.

Now, sitting on the small jet plane, a new fear, a larger one, riddled his face.

I was trying to be there for him, as he requested seven days ago in my agreement. We'd met at Waikiki Beach that day, early morning, just as the sun was rising during a windstorm. The place was barren besides the two of us and the occasional jogger or biker. _Come with me, Bells, _he had asked, holding me to his chest with his cheek on top of my head, our feet in the swell,_ I need you there to keep me sane. You're the only thing keeping me sane_.

That was where my undoubted 'yes' came in. I was sure no other thought – not even the _How will I get a ticket? How will I get so many days off work? Who will take care of Beau? Was I ready for this so soon_? – crossed my mind except _yesyesyes_ for the sole reason he needed me.

Jacob's knee was bouncing, fingers tapping on the armrest between the two of us. I pushed away that barrier, taking the restless hand between the two of mine and resting it in my lap. We shared a smile; I brought my knees to my chest and curled into his side, sitting more comfortably in the middle seat between Jacob and Embry, who'd childishly called out "Window seat!" as we were filing in. I let Jacob take the aisle seat, thinking the two larger men deserved the most room for the lengthy flight.

With a sigh, I started to feel…lighter, with a mind clearer than ever. And Jacob just felt so_ good_ against me. I nuzzled into him, one of my hands resting low on his abdomen. Soon, of their own accord, my lips started kissing and teeth nipping at his jaw. Jacob had been too busy feeling sick with dread for there to be an intimacy between us as of late. I let him have that with no problem or compliant, but all I really wanted was to just kiss him.

"Bells, go to sleep, honey," he whispered, a hum in his words, trying to get me to settle down. I normally hated PDA. No one was looking, I think, as I slipped my hand to his upper thigh. He caught it, stopped it, just as Embry interrupted with:

"I can hear. every. breath. you. take. Each _kissy _noise. Each…_everything_. 'Least save me my sanity 'till I fall asleep? Sheesh," he grumbled, curling further in towards the window and away from us, eyes still shut.

I whispered an embarrassed, "Sorry," unsure of what came over me, my blush burning as I turned my face to Jacob's chest, who snorted a chuckle and wrapped an arm around me.

His other hand was back at my knee, caressing. That's how I came to know things were okay between _us_ without words. I hummed, starting to feel tired, thinking the pill was making me feel so sleepy…

The next time a thought (a thought of misapprehension and deep rooted worry about Jacob) entered my mind, we were all – Jacob, Embry, Rebecca, Keoni, Lila, and I – rising from our seats, hurrying through San Francisco International, and just barely catching our connecting flight to Seattle, Washington.

* * *

During the final one hour plane ride to our destination, Jacob took his turn sleeping against my side, and I took my turn thinking. I wondered how much of a coincidence it was that Rebecca had planned out their family trip back to La Push to visit Billy and Rachel the same day as I came to accept Jacob and all his baggage; the day while munching on fish and chips in the hills.

A week after, I came to understand Rebecca's planned trip had been what was on Jacob's mind that day, because he'd told me so when he had asked me on the beach to come back home with him. Nothing about his request was pressuring, but almost as if he was giving me another chance to turn and run away. The opposite had happened with my response, and within a week of the flight out, Jacob helped me buy my ticket, fill in Rebecca (who seemed…happier, more accepting than the last conversation we'd had), and used that to give me time off of work for my 'vacation' hours.

We'd be in Forks for six nights and seven days; a long stay. Jacob suggested surprising Charlie, but, like me, I knew he was the type to hate those kinds of things. I called him the same day I bought my ticket, and I don't think I've ever heard him so happy. He offered to let me stay at his place after I mentioned Rebecca, Keoni, and Lila would be staying at a hotel right outside of La Push, Jacob would be staying with his father, and Embry with his mother.

His offer left me breathing easier, especially when he assured me I wouldn't be a _hassle_. That was the last thing I wanted with my unplanned trip. I hadn't mentioned anything about Jacob and I or our relationship, nor did I mentioned any reason of why I was taking this trip with the Blacks. I think, overtime, it became clear to him and Renée I was growing quite close to the family.

Renée had been thrilled (and a little jealous, since she wasn't the one I was flying home to see) when Charlie spilled the beans, but made me promise to visit her soon, too.

I made her that promise, if I was able to survive this trip with Jacob. He hadn't been the same since the news broke. His ghosts, whatever they may be, were in La Push. I knew he thought he wasn't ready to face them, but I also knew he was taking the hit for Billy and that his missing him outweighed all else.

When the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac, rustling the cabin, waking Jake and Embry, I decided a mere seven days couldn't be so bad. Plus, he had me. I would be here for him.

Seeing Jacob's stone and slightly paled face told me otherwise as the airplane parked. "I still think it was a bad idea for you to come, Embry."

"Yeah? Then who would be the one to back you up in all the fights you're gonna get yourself in?"

I felt bad for the armrests being clenched under each of their hands.

* * *

_A/N: And so begin the adventures in La Push… :-)_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Ch. 12**_

Times like these, when Jacob worked his way deeper into my heart, burrowing there with the so many little affections of his, genuinely scared me.

All was otherwise calm as we waited at baggage claim. At the feeling of my hand being lifted, held by a warm hand to warmer lips, I reopened my eyes to peer up from Jacob's side where I was tucked in impossibly close, catching the sight of him playing with my nearest hand with his lips. They moved from the back of my palm to each of my fingertips, lips parted to taste me.

I wondered if he realized how much and often he touches me.

His sunken eyes, gone from here, gave me my answer. I knew what he must be concentrating so hard on.

The suspense, the jitters – I could feel them from Jacob, from Embry, from an excited Rebecca and a grouchy Lila – kept on building, one over the other, until the slow calm turned into a thick, tasteless _tense_. For what I estimated to be a growing twenty minutes, we'd been standing and awaiting our luggage to appear from the metal conveyer carousel. Our patience was as thin as our resilience.

I turned my tired stare from Jacob's face to the emptiness of the same carousel, mustering a glare in my eyes and commanding the buzzard to sound and for our flight's luggage to spill out.

It stared blankly back at me, unmoving.

I sighed, frustrated, thinking that in one way or another we were all anxious to leave and this was setting everyone back on a dangerous edge because it was delaying doing so. Even _I _couldn't help tapping my foot, trying to spread the tightening in my middle elsewhere. I returned my head to Jacob's chest, reclosing my eyes to pass the time, listening to Rebecca's voice tell someone over the phone _We're still waiting, we'll meet you out front of Southwest Airlines_.

My hand was brought back down, arm wrapped around Jacob's front, which hummed with a hoarse, "Did you tell Quil?"

"Nope. But I'm sure your dad has spread the word."

My hand loosely fisted Jacob's shirt, wanting to remind him that I'm here. His hand, in return, squeezed my shoulder.

Conversations like these were frequented between him and Embry during our walk, and now our wait, throughout Sea-Tac. Quil's name was mentioned repeatedly, as was a Sam. The many times I wanted to interrupt with _Who? What? Huh?_ I didn't. I held back, seeing in Jacob's face that _now_ was not the time. We had seven days; I was sure I would drown under answers soon enough.

I could be incredibly patient for him.

Seattle-Tacoma International was exactly as I remembered it to be: right turn out of the gates, a left passed the McDonalds, a long walk on an even longer stretch of hallway, a turn at where the Baggage Claim sign points _right, this way_. Each visit to Charlie as a child, I would draw the directions on my hands from gate to baggage claim, feeding a fear of getting lost in the busy airport and never allowing that to occur with my sketched maps. Now it seemed as if I was revisiting a place I knew well; my feet led me through so unquestioningly.

Jacob gave me these little reassuring smiles (and now kisses to my hand and head) throughout, ever since stepping off the plane. I knew – even if he wouldn't show it behind those smiles – that his stomach was in knots. _Mine _was for him. I hoped he wasn't putting on some act. I wanted back the vulnerable face he wore on the plane.

It bothered me, his ways, but I knew Jacob. There was a reason for his passiveness.

My body jerked into alert then, my heart into a full race, as the buzzard resounded and luggage poured out.

I heard Jacob mutter a _Thank God_ under his breath, fanning my hair, and move us closer to the edge to help catch our group's belongings. Rebecca's bright maroon bag was the easiest to spot.

So soon we were taking the steps outside, into the misting rain, our luggage pulled behind us. I searched for my sun, forgetting just how dim Washington is. A different image caught my wondering eyes before I could find what I was looking for. There, by a patrol car and an old SUV, stood the smiling faces of Billy, Rachel, and Charlie.

Rebecca was the first to break from our pack and run to meet her twin halfway, hugging with happy squeals and awes and jumping feet. They looked so much alike; the air left my lungs, because I never remembered them to be that way. Charlie wheeled Billy closer as Jacob, Embry, and Keoni resumed their pace. I followed after shortly, more observant, watching Jake drop his bag to bend to his father, hugging him, their voices sharing words in their native and very, very beautiful language. My heart warmed and eyes slightly burned at the way they held to each other.

Charlie approached me with open arms and a smile for miles, taking my gaze from one scene to another. From the shift of my eyes, I briefly caught Jacob switching to hug Rachel, who looked as if she wasn't planning on letting go of her younger brother anytime soon, while Billy's glossy eyes lit up as his granddaughter was placed in his lap.

I hugged my father with one arm, the other fighting with my small luggage, my face turning into his chest to take in the smell of aftershave. "Hi, Charlie."

"Bells!" he exclaimed, pulling back, holding me by the shoulders, "look at you!" I smiled as he shook his head in bewilderment. "You're growing up too fast, kiddo. Makin' me feel old. Gosh, you look just like your mother."

The last time Charlie saw me I was freshly graduated with my BA and, despite that being only a year ago, I did feel older, much more so, like I had lived many years between now and then. Charlie had such a good eye.

I replied, "You look great, Dad," as I took him in, noting the few grey hairs and the slimmer waistline. He _did_ look great.

He smirked, patting his barely-there belly. "I brought the trooper to bring you back in. There was only so much room in the SUV. We'll get you settled in at my place, let Billy and his family have some time alone, and then figure out some plans for tonight. I'll take your bags, Bells."

My headed nodded, my mind figuring as much. I offered him up my carryon and luggage, eyes following Charlie wheel around to the back of the police car and pop the trunk. The noises of the others beside me snatched my attention from Charlie and my happiness of seeing him healthy so that I craned my neck to discover Rachel _had,_ indeed, let go of Jacob and was giving a quick hug to her brother-in-law and then a more animated one to Embry. Lila, at that point, became the attention of the group. She was giggling, clapping her hands.

Charlie came back around, patted my shoulder with a smile, and made his way over to Jacob. I watched the only two men in my life exchange a hug and shared words I'd kill to hear, a handshake, all those manly-type greetings, before he made his way to Rebecca and Lila.

I never put much thought into how close Charlie was to _all _Blacks, as well.

In the center of all this was Billy, looking more than delighted with the little girl in his arms playing with his braided hair.

I resumed my spot next to Jacob, his hand slipping to my lower back discreetly, mine holding it there, his other at his father's shoulder. Far too soon, before it seemed that the family was even close to reconciling, an airport cop reminded us this was a quick pick-up parking and warned we'd better leave now, ticket-less.

The others started stuffing bags into the back of the SUV right away, Charlie helping, Billy directing. I held my breath and turned on my heels to face Jacob, who stayed at my side, eyeing me softly, both of us hating this being where we parted. I watched him shut his eyes, suck in a breath, and rest his forehead on mine, giving into the vulnerability and allowing me to see.

"Be careful," I asked of him in a soft whisper, taking in a shaky breath stinging my chest, hands at his sides. I didn't like being away from him, especially here, not knowing anything in his mind of what was to come in La Push, if he could be hurt, what he needed from me.

Jacob nodded, promised, "I'll call you, honey," and kissed me then, just a touch of our lips with his hands framing my face, but it was long enough for my eyes to slip shut. When they reopened, and as he stepped back, we turned to find the eyes of Charlie and Billy as wide as the moon.

I gulped. We both said nothing but turned to get into our separate rides, Jacob catching my hand and giving it one last squeeze. My face was aflame; I couldn't lift it from where it hung as I buckled in. The embarrassment drifted quickly, because, after all, I _was_ happy to be with Charlie and wanted to focus on that while I could, with a head clear of Jacob. He got in the car after me, intent on getting us out of the busy airport drive safely, onto the freeway, before clearing his throat.

I touched a finger to the window, where drops of rain stuck, tracing their lines downwards, predicting the questions to come.

"So…uh, you and Jacob are…?" His hands made some movement, voicing his silently forward 'together.' I turned to him just as he was doing so and the image – the subject – made me want to laugh. Never did Charlie have to discuss something like this with me; it was a whole new territory for the pair of us who preferred the easy silence we could share so comfortably.

"Yes," I supplied as a shy answer, unsure to how his reaction would be. Good, bad, disapproving? The kiss, without any warning or alluding to, I think, wasn't the best way to drop the news of such a thing to the both of our fathers.

"How long has that been goin' on for?"

If I wasn't mistaken, his tone read _cocky_. I looked down at my twiddling thumbs, missing him already and trying to hide my smile. "A few months now."

"Good. Good. Great, Bells. I've considered Jake like a son for a long while. Couldn't have paired you up with someone better if I tried," he nodded with his words, looking pleased, hands slapping enthusiastically against the leathered steering wheel.

I told him, "I'm happy," for a lack of knowing what else to say. Happiness, I think, was a good thing to have in any form it came.

"I see that," he acknowledged, grinning a smile. "How's Hawaii treating you? You look tanner, if that's possible."

My laugh resounded to the noise of rain throughout the car as I rolled my eyes. "Hawaii is good. It reminds me of Forks sometimes, when it rains. I'm lucky to live there. It's peaceful."

"And your job? It's all worked out?"

"Yep, Rebecca's becoming a good friend, too. Thank you for that; for calling her and getting me the interview..." My words of gratitude trailed off, because it stunned me, in that moment, that without Charlie's thoughtfulness and wanting to do right by his daughter, I wouldn't have moved to Hawaii, re-met Rebecca, fallen for Jacob…

I owed him. _Food_. He loved when I cooked. I would make him the biggest, heartiest meal possible.

"Don't mention it," Charlie offered, and, briefly, I wondered if that previous cockiness in his tone was because he was hoping Jacob and I would get together once he set me up for the job at Rebecca's firm. I blushed once more for unknown reasons.

When I looked back up again, he was staring with a smile out the windshield, past the wipers. For the next ten minutes we talked about him, the diet he and Billy agreed upon to get healthier, his slow work as Sheriff of a small town, and for the remaining forty-five minutes, we shared our silence.

The _Welcome to Forks_ sign looked tarnished, wrinkled like the wood of the bench Jacob and I had sat at two weekends ago.

Charlie proudly pointed out the new buildings and businesses in the shopping center as we passed by, assuring _that_ was the only change to Forks since my last visit. The one main road had been repaved, I noticed, and some of the colors on those same buildings fresher, too. The white house we pulled up to had no change to the one painted in my memory, except that it appeared…older. Inside, I was sure, the only change would be a larger television screen and more fishing gear.

I was halfway up the cemented porch steps, watching Charlie unlock the door, when he offhandedly mentioned "I got a cat."

My lips skewed into a puzzled expression I directed at the back of his head. I adjusted my jacket, shivering. "A…cat?"

"Yep, a stray. It wondered by a few years ago. She's stuck around ever since. I know you're allergic, just wanted to warn you, Bells." He was in through the door, tugging in my luggage, holding it open for me with his outstretched foot.

Inside, I shut the door, taking that from his busy hands as he placed my bags at the end of the stairwell and flicked on the hallway light.

I was right; there was _no_ change. It was so predictably Charlie that it made my lips pull into a smile.

"Also," he added, beginning to tug the luggage up the stairs, step by step, a huff of breath with every other word, "I forgot to tell you earlier, but your old room has gone through some…er, changes. I cleared out the bed to make it into an office awhile back. The dressers and desk are still in there, if you want to put your clothes away. I'll take the couch, you can have my bed."

Mid-step, I paused, the world _hassle_ coming to mind. He was already in through the first door, my bedroom, when I attempted to race after him, tripping once, foot caught on a step. My hands shot out in front of me, I hissed a "Owow ow," as I pushed myself up from the wooden floor and quickly chased after him.

"No…no, Charlie, really, it's fine." I caught my breath, pushing a hand – a red hand, from the impact – through the hair falling in my face. "I can sleep on the couch. Please, take your bed."

He warned, "Now—"

"No," I interrupted, "please, let me sleep on couch. I promise I'll be fine. I'm not going to keep you out of your room for a whole week." My hopeful eyes and persistent words caused Charlie to cave after our gazes battled for passing seconds.

The sigh he gave was a sigh of resignation. "Sure, Bells. But the moment you get uncomfortable you tell me, all right, kiddo?"

"Sure sure."

* * *

"Y'know, when you told me you were goin' to move up here during your junior year, Billy and I had this… bet."

"Oh?" I was too busy reveling in the comfy-ness of my new bed for the next week to form any other sort of reply or even _feel_ intrigued by Charlie's revelation. Being able to stretch out my body, curl my toes, was distracting me from everything else in the room. The long car ride and the longer flight cramped my body in ways I didn't prefer it to be cramped. I tried not to let free from my mouth the sighs of contentment floating throughout as I snuggled down closer.

Charlie's voice drifted from the recliner. "Yep. 'Bout you and Jake, go figure."

"Oh?" I echoed, cracking one eye open. I _knew_ there was a reason his tone was so cocky earlier. Before I could feel triumphant for picking up on it, I waited for the explanation, craning my neck to take him in.

"Jake's always had a crush on you as a kid, still did even when I mentioned you'd be moving up here." He chuckled at same far-off memory and a conversation with Jacob replayed in my mind, something about me being the one who got away_._ "Anyways, Billy said you'd never give the poor kid a chance and that his puppy-love would annoy you. I always secretly hoped you two would end up together, even told Billy that a couple times. You bet he's choking on his words now."

I paused, finding only one thing in his litany of words to think about: Would Jacob and I still have ended up together if I _had _moved here? All of me disagreed _no_, because back then I wasn't in the place I'm in now; I would have been blind to him, to the way he makes my heart feel whole. It would have scared me beyond words.

I would have ran from Jacob Black.

Something else within me – a gut feeling – nodded its ugly head in assent. I sighed into the pillow, willing it away. "I've never known anyone more to gossip than you and Billy." I shook my head, adding for example, "Not even Renée."

Charlie laughed a consenting chuckle, said, "Nothin' else for us to do in this small town, and you'd be surprised by the things I hear from your mother." His hands slapped at his knees, standing. "I'm gonna go change out of these work clothes. Remote's over there if you want to watch somethin', make yourself at home, Bells."

_Rest_ was all I wanted but I nodded to his offer, returning my head to the pillow. I counted his steps up the stairs until the_ thuds_ disappeared behind a closed door and silence washed over me in one quick tide. I was alone for the first time today, and despite the natural want to burrow into it, I desired the opposite; to not be alone, to not be so open to thoughts, because my mind predictably wandered with no distraction to keep it within its gates. It gave a weak attempt to wrap around my being back in Forks and an even _greater_ attempt to come to terms with the burning in my stomach gradually turning into a ball of flames; I couldn't relax, no matter howhard I tried. Something else, something other than my now-perpetual worry over Jacob, overpowering it, wasn't allowing me that reprieve.

And it told me my life in Forks would have been dark.

My chest felt weighted. I began to analyze how and _why _I was feeling such a way. My cell phone, beeping its alarm of an incoming call, resounded throughout the house, taking with it the crushing feeling rendering me still. Without a thought, I knew who it was, and that was enough to break me from my incapacitating thoughts. I couldn't seem to reach the thing fast enough, needing what was at the other end of it.

I sighed, "_Jake_," into the phone pulled from my pocket, shutting my eyes.

He replied with a gentle, "Hey, Bells," as the noise of a door clicking closed sounded in the background.

"What's going on?" I asked without a pause, fidgeting with the hem of the pillow, heart beating double for him.

"Nothing, honey," he breathed. "I just called to hear your voice."

I smiled, sinking further into the pillow, curling around his voice like he was actually here. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good, Bells. Are you?" he questioned, more pressing, like that was his main concern over everything else.

My reply was a single, "Yes." The attention shouldn't be focused on me. I sought to tell him so but he interrupted, and with what he proposed next, I allowed him to.

"Come over in a few hours. We're ordering pizza. Billy invited you and Charlie."

I nodded, promising, "Okay, I'll let Charlie know." I listened to him breathe and give no response. For some reason I felt like crying. "Jake?"

"Hmm?" he hummed, his voice deep and rough and intimate.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

It was a loaded question, I knew, and it took him many passing seconds to offer up a sigh and whisper, "I'll tell you when you get here. Two hours, okay, honey?"

"Two hours," I agreed, meeting the dial tone like an old friend after Jake's reluctant "Bye, Bells."

* * *

The two hours passed with Charlie sharing stories with me.

Before that, I slipped into my old room to unpack the necessities from my luggage, place my toothbrush in the two-person toothbrush holder in the single bathroom, and add my shampoo and soap into the shower. Then, I proceeded to turn the water to the highest level of hot my body could handle, stripped, and stepped under the showerhead, willing away the knots up my spine, at my neck, in my stomach.

My body was so absorbed in Jacob, throbbed for him, as I shut my eyes under the raining water I'd matched close to his temperature. He was always touching me but never _touching _me.

I felt so frustrated leaving that shower and going back downstairs in a fresh pair of clothes and dripping hair.

We left for La Push twenty minutes early, in the middle of Charlie explaining the latest _crime scandal_ in Forks. Graffiti artists, fingers pointed at the Quileute boys, no suspects. Charlie was one of the few without a prejudice towards the tribe, who others described with varying judgments of "Those Indians can break all the rules with no punishments!" I didn't know much about tribal government, but I knew they could get away with a hell of a lot more on their land than on ours.

I winced, hoping that wasn't the type of circumstance Jacob was involved in, because all the pieces matched up too perfectly.

The red house was fading in color; the SUV from the airport was missing but some kind of old Volkswagen car sat near the equally as red garage.

Charlie honked, giving off a warning of our arrival. I tried my best to control the urge deep within me to throw myself into Jacob's arms, but that turned out to be the least of my worries, because he nowhere in sight when we stepped through the creaking front door and into the Blacks' home.

Billy and Charlie greeted each other with a passing grunt. The man in the wheelchair paid far more attention to me, where I stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot in front of the doorway. Billy was one of the only things in La Push I had a memory of.

"My," he chuckled, showing the same, if not more, bewilderment as Charlie had, "you've sure grown, Bella."

I blushed, wishing I could see myself through their eyes, and replied lightly, "That's what Charlie keeps telling me."

"It's true!" he hollered from the kitchen, cans clanging together.

Billy smiled a smile like Jacob's. "You had braces the last time I saw you and were the shyest little darn thing. Now look at you," he pointed out, "dating my son of all guys."

My eyes gave a well-timed bulge. I hadn't expected the subject to arise so suddenly.

"Don't break his heart and all that," Billy continued, running through 'the talk' with that short statement with a shrug of his shoulders, not looking very worried. I heard Charlie's snort drift from the kitchen, behind it an arrogant _What did I tell you about those two!_

I lowered my head, finding the picking of my cuticles much easier to look at as I whispered, assuring, "I think he has more of a chance breaking mine," even if there hadn't been much seriousness and warning behind Billy's tone.

"I wouldn't think so. He has steady hands, that boy." He let the words sink in – they _did_, so deep – before his thumb pointed backwards. "He's in his room, second on the left. I think he fell asleep. Go on back, wake him up for me. I only get seven days to see him and he's already sleeping on me. Damn boy."

I nodded, cracking a smile to his easy teasing, thankful for the dismissal.

The living room was as far as I'd ever been in the Blacks' home. I took the steps down the hallway slowly, eyeing the picture frames and pictures within on my way to the second door on the left. Without thinking of anything other than the want of seeing Jacob, I twisted the handle and stepped inside, the thought of knocking the last thing on my mind.

Jacob was spread out on his stomach, arms holding the pillow under his face. The same image of him once like this on the couch in my condo played in front of my eyes, aligning with this new one. His feet dangled off the end. I knew he was _out_ when he didn't make any movement to acknowledge me as I reclosed the door and by the comforting sound of his heavy breathing.

I slipped discreetly onto the open space at his side, wanting for him to stay asleep for a little while longer. I sat criss-cross, my nearest thigh pressing into his naked side, my body facing him. Jacob was always waking me in ways leaving me breathless. I decided to do the same for him, because there was never an opportunity like this. Jake always woke well before I did.

My hand found the indent at his lower back, fingers skimming the dip of muscles. I leaned forward to kiss the skin at his shoulder, lingering. Two more kisses across the soft and warm expanse of his back, fingers curling along his side, and I felt him stir.

He let out a gentle sound, head turning so his sleep-heavy eyes, long lashes, could take me in. "Mm… Hey, Bells."

Up his back, I traced a slow line, feeling the tightening of his muscles. "Hey, sleepy," I whispered, easing away and allowing Jacob to roll onto his back, facing up, pressing where my thigh and his side touched closer.

One hand went behind his head, the other settled at my furthest hip, thumb brushing, moving my shirt up just so. We shared a stare, my touch resuming its quest now at his front. His breath grew shaky, his eyes closing before reopening.

There was barely any light in the room. His hand at my hip squeezed. "C'mere, honey," he asked. "Let me kiss you."

On my knees, one hand holding me up on the mattress, the other at his chest, I touched my still-warm lips to Jacob's. A quiver spread through me, to my toes and fingertips, bring with it tingles. Our lips parted and wet tongues touched. The hand at my hip moved south to my thigh, grasping up to the underside of my ass, the other coming to tangle with my hair, tugging.

A small whimper emitted from my throat.

"Bells," he groaned softly, unlocking himself from me with a growl, holding me by my hips. "You don't know how bad I want to spend the next seven days in this room, just with you, like this. Christ…"

I pulled away from him, knees growing stiff. My eyes shut to savor the feeling before giving Jake an apologetic look, fighting to control the hormones in my body going wild for him and replied with a straightforward, "I think you're dad would be mad at us if we did. He's already angry you fell asleep on him so soon. I was supposed to wake you for him."

Jacob nodded but made no shift to move or get up from his position, only snuggling closer.

Re-crossing my legs, I asked, "Is it weird being home?" when the silence seemed purposeful on his end.

"Yeah, honey," he sighed a long, _heavy_ sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. "It's so damn weird. But I'm safe, so fucking safe since I stopped phasing. It's easier to be here, just…weird."

Safe…because he stopped phasing? "What do you mean, Jake?"

"As wolves, we're more susceptible to certain…things. It's complicated, honey." He patted my knee, leaving his touch there, arm thrown over my thighs.

I risked feeding my curiosity, calming him by running my fingers over the back of his knuckles. "Will you tell me more…about the others…like you? Have you seen them?"

"No. Not yet." He explained, "There's Sam, who's the Alpha. Controls the pack and orders us and has control. He was the first to phase and helped the rest of us through. Paul and Jared phased next, they're assholes. Embry was next. Me and him and Quil hated Sam and his posse. I was so fucking pissed when Embry ditched us for them. Little did we know… I was next, then Quil. He was our best friend and such a damn jokester. We haven't talked in years…" His words drifted, eyes flicking back and forth in memory. "Leah and Seth followed. They're siblings. Leah's a bitch, still probably is. She took off a year before I did. Just left one day without telling anyone, Sam let her. Seth's young, so are the other two, Collin and Brady."

"Do you still talk to any of them?"

"Nope."

"Do you…miss them?"

He was drawn between 'yes' and 'no,' settling with a faraway, "I miss who they used to be."

Tapping knuckles on the small window interrupted us, drawing our attention to the shadowed face behind it. I let out a shriek of surprise as Jacob, without hesitation, got up from the bed, touched my cheek reassuringly, and pushed open the window at the opposite end of the room so just the screen separated the two. I hardly recognized Embry's form standing there.

His left eye was swelling, red and purple.

"Quil give you that shiner?" Jacob asked and cracked a smile, a chuckle low under his breath. I removed myself from the bed to stand at his side, inhaling a sharp breath at seeing the damage to Embry's eye.

"I think it was his way of saying 'welcome home.'" He joined in to add a laugh, a shake of his head. "I got a good punch in, too, for what it's worth. Figured I'd warn you that Sam is probably on his way. Didn't want to go through the front and…make a scene."

"Thanks," Jacob muttered, grimacing. "Billy's the only one here anyways."

"Yeah? Where is everyone? Hey, Bella," Embry added, bobbing his head in my direction.

"Rachel took Keoni, Rebecca, and Lila to their hotel to get checked in and unpacked. They should be back soon, hopefully after Sam shows."

He shrugged. "You know Sam, he has fucking impeccable timing." Next, he winced. "Get me some ice for my eye or something?"

Jacob turned to me, asked, "Bells?" with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded, thinking it was the least I could do. As I turned to leave, Jake caught me to place a kiss at my forehead as a _Thank you_. In the kitchen, I made up some quick lie to Billy's and Charlie's questions: Jacob wouldn't wake, so I was going to dump ice on him. They chuckled and that was the end of that.

Back at the second door on the left, I walked in, saying, "Jake, I could only find…" but I blinked into the empty room and told no one in particular, "…frozen peas." A scene outside the still open window caught my attention; two other males, looking remarkably like Jacob and Embry, appeared at the tree line. They were dressed in cutoffs and dirt.

Seconds later, coming into the view from the back door, I watched Jacob and Embry make their way straight towards the pair. I was out of the same door before I knew what I was doing.

They were _huge_. Larger than Jacob and Embry by inches, wider, dark and red tinted eyes. Even from this distance, yards away, I could see their forms distorting. The bag of frozen peas at one point dropped from my hands, somewhere in the mossy grounds, and the closer I got, with curiosity boiling over in my chest, the more I could hear voices. The first complete sentence I made out was:

"I can't believe you two shitheads would do that!"

The man who yelled those words, shorter than the other standing next to him, but still taller than Jacob, added "Who the fuck is she?" as his eyes landed on me. I stopped my feet at that point, coming to complete awareness but was still so shocked I couldn't shake out of it.

In a flash, Jacob strode over and was in front of me, his back to the others and hands at my face to bring me back from my wide-eyed state. "Bells, honey, go back inside."

"What…what are they doing?"

"Bella—"

"Quil! Stop fucking hitting me! Sheesh, you haven't changed a fucking bit, you dick."

"Jacob—"

"Don't make me do it, Sam," Jake growled, looking back over his shoulder to the taller one who hissed his name. "Just because I've quit phasing doesn't mean I still don't have power over you. We fought it out long ago. Let it go already."

"You're traitors," Quil backfired for a silent Sam. "Shouldn't even be here."

"Go inside, Bells," Jacob continued, ignoring the scene behind of us he was blocking from my view. When I failed to budge, all but drag my eyes to his, he encouraged, "I'll be in right after you, honey."

A sound of rippling and shifting vibrated in the air, and that was that.

* * *

_**A/N**_: _;-)_

_Until next time!_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Ch. 13**_

Among the uproar of angered voices, it was only Jacob's I made out.

His voice said: "Get a hold on him, Sam, will you?" "She already knew about us. Thanks to Quil, I won't have to damn listen to you bitch about me telling someone outside the tribe." "I said _get a fucking hold on him_. Send him away, Sam, don't make this difficult."

All else was fuzzy. Growls, from both men and wolf, weaved through, mixing here and there with words. I was so sure a fight had broken out my heart had stopped and took time with it. From the mossy and wet floor, because somehow I ended up tripping backwards to my now wet butt, I looked up and to the russet-toned back standing directly in front of where I _would_ be standing, looking like some shield. The familiar nakedness of the same back told me it was Jacob, his voice floating back to me assuring it.

His hands, at his sides, were fisted and shaking, flexing with each of the tremors I watched move down his shoulders and to the tips of him. I became lightheaded. _Jacob _wasn't the one who interrupted the earth with a rippling noise and phased, but the someone who _had_ was directly in front of him, and dimly my mind began counting down the seconds until it charged and hurt him.

I was on my feet. My brain protested and the world took a lopsided turn for the worse and my knees, still in shakes from fright, tempted to cave in on me once more. I reached to Jake's back with a blind hand to ground myself. The warm skin I was used to burned with heat.

"_Jake_…" The confusion within me tried to make sense of what it could by vocalizing his name desperately. I curled my fingers into his back, tracing them down to his arm. "Jacob." A small part of me, running on pure adrenaline from fear, assured that _if _there was any danger, Jake would have told me to stay back. My feet inched closer to his side more bravely, my hands holding him, and from around his shoulder I was able to absorb – take in through wide eyes – the most absurd scene in the backyard of the Black home.

To our front, as had been before, stood Sam. His once mirroring red eyes were now black and I was sure I could see much greater tremors rocketing through him than the ones through Jacob. The gaze the two held was unbreakable. Not even as I slipped to my hand to Jake's, felt his fist loosen and take in mine to give it a caring squeeze, did either of the hard masks they wore deter.

On the opposite side, to the left, Embry stood nearer to Jacob than he last had been. His face read calm and understanding, even a bit of patience and regret. My eyes burned holes in him, hoping he'd turn to me and give me the explanation to whatever _this _was going on between the two, but never did he look towards me, either.

I felt invisible.

What was most odd about the scene was that Quil, who I deduced had been the one to phase so suddenly minutes ago, was sitting on the dead grass in wolf form, front paws crossed and tongue lolling, looking bored.

My jaw ended up somewhere near my stomach, which was sinking nearer and nearer towards the earth.

I wanted to laugh off the fear my heart was dancing in. It was_ sitting_, looking as innocent as Beau. I could almost relax. But, as Jacob's hand let go of mine, as his body disappeared to a more threatening and in-your-face stance in the front of Sam, a more worrisome fear of Jacob getting into a fight took over where the panic of getting attacked by a werewolf drifted away.

"Jake," I tried again, my voice small and unnoticeable to anyone other than the wolf whose ears perked. "Jake, stop—" I stepped after him, wanting to reach for his arm and pull him far, far away and back to safety from the man with black eyes, but Embry caught _my_ arm after two steps, and he gave me the shortest of shakes of his head, telling me _no_ and _just wait_. His eyes, instructing mine, turned us back to the silent scene, watching two sets of shoulders square off.

It seemed like ages of nothing before Sam's lips twitched, head lowered, and he growled out a consenting, "Leave, Quil. Head over to Emily's. I'll be there shortly."

The wolf ordered made a noise resembling a whine, stood on all fours, shot what I interpreted to be a sour look at Jake, and took off for the trees lining the yard. With his departure, I hoped for the tension to ease up, but it stayed trapped in the humid air.

Jacob moved to my side, in him I noticed a minimal drop of his shoulders, and replied a cold "Thank you."

More staring and silence continued. I took one of Jacob's hands in both of mine, only finding comfort when his thumb brushed my knuckles. I tried tugging on his arm, wanting to leave, but he didn't seem to notice my pulls, nor did he even budge.

"Who is she?" Sam broke the silence with a sharp demand, head nodding in my direction and his tone not as cold as I was expecting it be, but his eyes the same dangerous black. I didn't like him at all, but I disliked him more by the way he looked at me with such a sneer.

Jacob tensed, grew more rigid, but made no move to reply. I watched his jaw lock and a warning look fall over his eyes. I hated seeing that in way of the usual warmth.

I touched his arm, pressing closer to him even as he tried to push me away. "Jake, hey…" I whispered softly, the rest of the world fading away, trying to calm him with my voice as well as by running my fingers up and along his forearm until his breaths became even and he lowered his head, looking away from Sam, chest still heaving but appearing controlled. I turned to Sam, keeping Jake close.

My voice shook. I felt so small. "I-I'm Bella Swan."

"Charlie's kid?" His eyes flashed to mine for the first time, dripping with questions. "What in the hell are you doing with Jacob—"

"Stop interrogating her," Jacob growled, his head snapping around to Sam who fell into silence with a screwed shut jaw. "Now's not a good time. _W_e can talk later, alone. I'm with my family. Tell everyone else we're here and to not stop by. Give us our time with our families and then we'll talk to all of you, all right? I don't want any bull shit like this."

"Fair enough," Sam agreed after a too-long minute, his eyes narrowing and never leaving Jake's as he at last stepped away from us, Jacob's sturdy gaze imploring him all the while. Only after a second stare-down did Sam's gaze flash to Embry, who'd come to stand close at Jacob's other side.

Embry asked when no one else did, arms crossed, "How 'bout we meet up tomorrow night?"

"Midnight. We'll all find you two."

Each of their three consenting nods seemed to also be nods of dismissal. Sam turned back to the forest, hands reaching for his jeans. I didn't have to squeeze my eyes shut because I was turned abruptly, stumbling on my feet as a warm hand caught my elbow. I found balance eventually and took the steps towards the back of the house on my own.

I wanted to take Jacob's hand and pull him as quickly as possible inside, where it would be safe, because that man could come back at any second. Their pace continued to be slow, dragging.

"A car just pulled up. Your sisters, I think," Embry informed, head slightly tilted in the direction of the car at the opposite side of the house I wasn't hearing.

"Good timing," Jacob sighed, taking his hand from my arm to push both through his hair and let out a long, shaky breath of air, hands staying at the back of his head, fisting.

At the still-open back door, Embry stopped, facing Jacob and I. "I told my mom I was running out for milk. I should get home; tell her I ran into a door or something." He pointed to his eye, his skin there twitching but still swollen. "Call me tomorrow and we'll head out to meet with the pack."

"Sure sure. Thanks, Emb," was Jacob's defeated reply.

Two more nods and my shaky wave goodbye to Embry later, Jacob stepped with me inside and into the darkened back-room. I was stepping around the washer and dryer when Jacob caught my arm to hold me in place, preventing me from going any deeper into the house. I turned to him mechanically, still feeling buried under all that had happened and not knowing what to do with the feeling of being frightenedand _lost_ to what I'd just witnessed.

By reading my expression, Jacob answered with a regretful, "You shouldn't have seen that. I'm _so_ damn sorry, honey. Let me explain all that to you after dinner."

I nodded without much thought, a little scared to know all this _everything._ I never expected something like this; it all seemed too grand, and I wasn't so sure I could handle it. I made a step to move forward towards the lighted hallway once more.

Jacob stopped me a second time, hand at my upper arm, when I failed to reply to face me back to him. He searched my eyes and told me carefully, "I don't want to go into that kitchen with this…_rift_…between us. It's just me, Bells, tell me what you're thinking. Yell at me. Do something."

His words soothed me and my shoulders slumped. I breathed a heavy, "That was so scary," and felt tears threaten my eyes, because that was _all_ I was feeling.

Jacob sighed gently, understanding, and brought my wide-eyed expression to his chest, cradling my head. "Those guys won't hurt you, Bells. They'll only go after me and Embry. We knew we had it coming from Quil. I was only pissed he phased with you so close. I couldn't stand for you to get hurt."

I shivered as his breath spread down my neck. "You're not really helping," I whispered with my heart in my throat, taking in his smell and moving my head above his heart, blinking back the forming tears. "I don't want _you_ to get hurt. You won't get hurt, right? They're not…out to get you or something? You'll be okay? They don't have some... some vendetta against you?"

"Oh, honey," he whispered, kissing my head. "They're not out to get me. You'll understand more once I can explain it all. We just have to make it through dinner first, okay?" His stomach gave a loud growl at the prospect. I reluctantly pulled away with a shuffle of my feet, my mind running through all of the possibilities…

His thumb brushed my lower lip, freeing it from between my teeth. Jacob leaned closer, eye level. "Too much?"

How many times Jacob had asked those same words puzzled me. Anytime something about his past came up, something like him being a werewolf, him being able to lift my couch with one hand so I could get the remote, and more recently his once-friend phasing just feet from me, he always seemed to ask if I was scared enough yet to run, because he seemed convinced at one point I would.

I thought over my answer. _No_, I wouldn't be running, just hiding a little to gather my bearings, but I told him "Yes" and explained to his darkened expression, "I'm scared for_ you_." My own safeness dulled to Jacob's.

To that, his face softened and he kissed my forehead for awhile. "How 'bout I promise not to get hurt, and you promise not to worry so much?" he proposed. "Even if you lookso damn adorable with your face all skewed and tensed. It's damn cute." His fingers touched the lines between my eyebrows, leading up to my forehead, down to my pursed lips, smiling all the while.

I tried to urge the muscles in my face to relax; only when his fingers touched the nerves did they give in. "Deal," I agreed, even if I was sure the worry within me couldn't be chased off so easily, especially after what had happened. I stepped closer, back into his embrace, trying to work myself deeper within him and stay. We stood like that, with my arms around his midsection and his enfolding me, lips at my hair, for a few collective seconds.

I took deep breaths, sucking in his smell I wanted to trap and keep with me at all times. Soon I was completely calm, and Jacob's body less tense. I silently thanked him for stopping us here and getting rid of that_ rift_.

Voices floated in from the opened front door. I gave a sigh to the noise, knowing our time was up, and stood on my tiptoes to place lingering kiss to Jacob's lips, my tongue tracing his lower lip to quickly taste him. "Go get dressed."

As I suspected, a smirk grew on those same full lips I had the desire to continuing kissing. His hands dipped low on my hips; my stomach warmed. "Does my being half-naked bother you?"

"It bothers_ Charlie_," I clarified, even if the blush on my face told him otherwise. I pushed at his abdomen, above his abs, letting myself feel him discreetly. "I can only imagine what our fathers think we've been up to all this time back here, and your lack of outfit won't help with my plea of you not wanting to wake up."

Jacob gave his own sigh, looking as though he was going to reply with some other cheeky remark, but the distinct voices of his sisters and Keoni grew more flamboyant and our moment was officially up. He stopped with the teasing with one last kiss to my awaiting lips, a promising squeeze to my hips, and went into his room obediently.

I watched him retreat through the opened door, eyes still following him as he came back out seconds later in a black shirt and jeans he was in the process of buckling. I focused on his hands, the darkness below it, swallowing the lump of _want_ in my throat, until Jacob nudged my shoulder and lightly swatted my butt to encourage me down the hallway and to all those voices, whispering a seductive "later" in my ear.

* * *

The house was too small for all the bodies within, but that seemed to stop nobody.

With only four seats at the furnished kitchen table, the eight of us were spread throughout different rooms to make the accommodations more…accommodating. Pizza boxes, delivered by Keoni and Rachel and Rebecca, were placed in some buffet style across the counter, beers at one end and sodas on the other.

The men demolished two pizzas, leaving just the one to us girls. We took up safety in the kitchen from the ruckus of the men in the living room. I took to nibbling on my slice of cheese pizza, trying not to show the uneasiness on my face from before because the comfort-time with Jacob hadn't been enough to fully leave me at ease. That, or I was sexually frustrated.

When we made it into the living room, Charlie easily seemed to believe Jake's and mine excuse of him not wanting to get up, but Billy had this _knowing_ look in his eye that I mistook for something else, something like _why_ I'd made Jacob put on those clothes. It wasn't until the two shared a nod that it told me the older man was well aware of everything that'd occurred in his backyard.

Throughout dinner, I tried to appear as if I wasn't eavesdropping on Rebecca's and Rachel's conversations by staring blankly at my plate.

But I _was_, and I picked up on things like:

"I hate being away from you. I should just darn move you and Dad to Hawaii. You'd love it there, too bad he's chief…"

"How's the married life? Keoni is such a charmer."

"How are you and Paul?" Rebecca would ask after the questions about her and Keoni and Lila would tire, and Rachel (their voices were unalike, much like the many other differences I was beginning to pick up on) would respond with a slightly dreamy, "We're more than happy. Fight all the time, but it's all out of love."

"Where is he?"

"He's out with—" And then Rachel would pause, look in my direction in a non-discreet manner, and Rebecca would assure, "She knows," and Rachel would continue on to say, still hesitant, "—out with… the pack. But knowing him, he's probably close by."

Despite sharing a few words with Rachel—greeting her at the front of the house, that whole thing, shaking hands—I was getting an uncomfortable feeling from her sent in my direction. Rebecca was acting as some sort of moderator, trying to pull me into their conversations whenever she could, but Rachel was quite the talker.

But even if those vibes were all a ploy in my clustered brain, I wanted the two twins to catch up rather than my intruding. I was more than happy to be the one to refill Lila's milk when she ran out and sit in silence between those two times.

Rebecca had other ideas.

As Rachel asked her what it felt like being back home in La Push, Rebecca gave a mild response of "Nothing's changed!" and went on to ask me, like I'd never visited before, "How are you liking La Push, Bella?"

I blinked, taking my gaze from the torn edges of my paper plate to find the two pairs of the same hazel eyes on me, under the light of the kitchen.

"Um." I paused to think, wondering _how_ I could sum up my two hours on the reservation because I still had no words. "It's…good. I, uh, met Quil." My fingers twirled the straw in my drink, and I added at a mumble, "And Sam." I was more than half sure they knew who each man is. Rebecca told me after my accepting of Jacob's _other_ side that, despite her and Rachel not once knowing of their younger brother being a werewolf because they were long gone from home, they both found out in ways of their own. Rachel had moved back when Jacob was seventeen, leaving the college life behind. Sometime around then she was told, Rebecca hadn't been specific, just that it involved someone else from the pack.

Rebecca wasn't aware until Jacob asked to move in with her the night after he graduated high school. She says her reaction was like mine, a little more fainting, but with Billy's back up she believed it. Keoni found out sometime after. I supposed it was probably difficult _not_ to notice two men suddenly changing into wolves in their concealing backyard.

My confession stunned Rachel for some unknown reason, because she asked through an ajar jaw, "When?"

"Out back. Just before you two arrived." I felt a sense of guilt, wondering if I shouldn't have said anything about the altercation to the two. Over my shoulder, I looked to see if Jacob had picked up on that, but he was so deep in conversation with Charlie I doubted so. I gave a weak attempt to read their lips, squinting my eyes from the farness.

"Well," Rebecca spoke, grabbing my attention as she stood to take the long-empty plates from in front us, smiling, "I'm sure we'll all be seeing a lot more of them and the others during our stay."

She made her way to the trash. I turned my attention back to the kitchen, my fingers settled with picking at my cuticles. I was about to stand, help Rebecca with the clean up, when Rachel implored me.

"So." She faced her chair in my direction, brows furrowed. "How long did it take you to come around to the idea? Took me about a week. I thought everyone was nuts. Or were playing a prank on me."

It took me a moment to understand she was talking about werewolves. "Just…a day," I replied abashedly to her _two weeks_. Staying away from Jacob for that long sounded like hell.

"Wow. My brother must've really done one over on you." Her voice was dry, but her lips were smiling. "Even_ I_ couldn't come around to it so soon and I was imp—"

"Rach!" Rebecca's loud and interrupting voice startled us both. My heart, in the process of sinking, returned to my throat. "Grab Lila for me? I need to wash her greasy hands before she touches anything."

Lila sat innocently at her chair, hands on the table and shredding a napkin, her big eyes looking up when her name was mentioned.

Rachel nodded, a confused glint in her eyes she shrugged off, and did as her twin had asked. The two laughed as Lila began splashing and clapping her hands under the faucet. I stood from my chair noiselessly, deciding to the break the _Girls in the kitchen, Guys in the living room,_ and make my way to Jacob. He seemed to have the same idea, because we ran into each other halfway in the dark hallway. The light from outside had drifted as the hours passed to night.

Jacob smiled, hands tucked in his pocket, a shy tug of his teeth at his lower lip.

I spoke first without giving the words any thought, "Does Rachel not like me?" and caused the boyish grin on his face to collapse. I regretted not letting it slide. Jacob shifted uncomfortably.

Our voices were low.

"She's hard to win over, honey. Sometimes I'm not even sure she likes me," he chuckled, touching my cheek, dragging his finger to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. "Let's go sit out back. It's not raining, for once."

I nodded, eager to escape with him.

No one noticed us slip out the backdoor. We sat at the top porch step, above a break in the clouds revealing stars. I moved myself as close as I could to Jacob's side, hoping one of his arms would wrap around my waist and keep me warm from the chilly night air. The longer he sat unmoving, leaning forward, elbows braced on knees and hands holding a beer bottle between them, the more I put the want of his arm around me in the back of my mind and my concern for him at the front.

I settled with placing my head at his upper arm, allowing him to work through whatever is on his mind to only the sound of crickets. My mind roamed, again I found words falling off my tongue with no intent. "Does it hurt you?" I asked, the questions boiling inside now spilling over. I bit my tongue to keep the millions at others restrained.

Jacob took a sip from his beer, twisting it nervously in his hands, wiping the foam from his mouth. "Does what, honey?"

His eyes searched the empty yard leading to trees, mine watched his face. I used his question to allow the remainder of my thoughts spill out without the guilt. "Quil. How you two aren't friends anymore. What happened earlier."

As Jacob replied with a short "Yeah" after a minute of quiet, I gave up on talking and let him take the reins.

My foot began tapping. When only the crickets continued chirping, a part of me concluded he needed more pushing and prodding, that he wasn't going to crack so easily, for the rest to come out. "It's only me, Jake," I echoed his previous comment, placing a hand at his bare arm. "You don't need to sugarcoat anything. Tell me. You know it won't change the way I feel or think about you."

I nudged his side when he didn't reply. "You know that, right?" He hadn't even given a nod. I tried harder. "I'm fal—"

"I know, honey," he cut me off, looking down at me to show a smile. "I just don't know where to begin. I haven't revisited this in years."

I tried to recover from what I was about to admit and offered, "Well…you said you were sixteen the first time it happened? Start there."

By the intake of his breath, as if he were steeling himself, I waited for the words to come.

"I was in my garage that night." To the right of the house, the garage I'd seen upon pulling up to the Blacks poked out. "I used to fix up cars a lot to make money. I was in there trying to blow off some steam…I felt tense and like I was going to explode the whole damn day. I was so angry and couldn't think straight. I even blew up on my Dad. I never yell at him." His voice was sad but strong.

"Sam was in my head next, and I was on all fours." I must have blanched, because he explained, "When we're phased, the pack can communicate…telepathically, I guess. But it's open ended: anything you think or do or remember or feel the others can, too. You don't have secrets."

I nodded before I processed all of that so that he would continue. "He was trying to explain to me what I was going through. I was so fucking sure it was all a nightmare. It was a long night. I kept fighting against him." He explained the basics of being a werewolf, how the pack worked, who was there with him at the time, and then continued, "My dad knew it would happen. He told me so a few days later when I was able to phase back and come home. A few of the elders carry on all the knowledge about it, and he's chief so he's the one with the most knowledge. I guess he was just waiting around for the gene to kick in 'cuz vampires had been in the area for a few months by that time."

Jacob wasn't even facing me, gaze locked on the moonlit backyard, but he must've somehow sensed the confusion on my face, because he explained, "The only reason we phase is because of vampires. We're protectors of our tribe, and if leeches are around, we're meant to keep our tribe safe. None of this would have happened to me if it weren't for them. I stopped going to school for awhile. Sam had us running patrols nightly."

"So. There are still…vampires…around?" I guessed, too distinctly remembering Quil's phasing.

"I couldn't tell you for sure. We can keep on phasing if they aren't around, but I think Sam would have quit by now if the Cullens were long lost," he muttered, bringing the bottle to his lips.

"Cullens?" Was that another slang word?

"A vamp family. They live outside of Forks. Have for almost a decade if they're still around. They're the ones who caused all of us with the strongest bloodlines to phase when they moved back."

"Back?"

"They lived here decades ago. Made some deal with the pack at the time not to come on our land and for no fighting as long as they don't drink human blood. Not like I give a shit. I would have killed them if it didn't violate the treaty and start some war." I hoped I wouldn't run into these Cullens during my stay. A shiver went down my spine. "A couple of strays came through within the first year I was phased, other than that it was only the Cullens. Sam used to think they were interested in us 'cuz they've stuck around for so long. One of them is a doctor and asked us for samples of our blood." He chuckled, shaking his head. "That was the last time he ever came near us."

I was mostly trying to wrap my mind around vampires who didn't drink blood. Even as this pause of silence continued to be the longest one yet, I was nowhere near complacent.

"I hated being a wolf," Jacob stated, voice low. "I had no choice in the matter. I was always bitter." My head nodded, because I'd always gotten that vibe from Jacob when he spoke about this mess. "Sam told me after a month from when I first phased that I was meant to be Alpha. That was the last thing I wanted so I let him keep the job. I wanted as less to do with the whole thing as I could, especially after everyone started imprinting."

This time, I didn't bother asking any question. His explanation came shortly after. "I guess the normal definition of imprinting is finding your soul mate. After you phase, at some point you'll see some girl and all that matters is her. She'll be your perfect match, for you and your wolf, and will carry on your genes so our tribe's protectors live on."

He reached for my hand still placed on his arm, holding it. "_My _definition is different. I see it as slavery. Sam was already imprinted by the time I phased. Emily was all he thought about. At first it was just love, y'know? He'd go all gooey over her. Jared, Paul, and Quil all imprinted next. I dunno if Leah ever did since she took off. It was fine at first, annoying as shit, but over those two years they all… changed. You've seen them, they don't look very human. They've retreated so far into their wolves to keep their imprints safe from the threat of vampires that they can barely function anymore. It's everything to them. They're not even living."

I froze as Jacob paused to take one last sip of his beer and set the bottle down.

"The only thing good about it is how happy they are with their imprints. You don't typically see love like that, even if was supernaturally forced." His face turned to me, so our gazes met.

My eyes searched his, wondering if by any chance…

"I wouldn't be anywhere near you if you were my imprint," he answered to my question, setting his jaw. "I never imprinted, for what it's worth."

Tears threatened as I took the sting. I asked to his first question, "Why would you say that?" I could understand his hatred for it, but it stung and caused me to doubt his feelings.

"Because for two years I lived on my knees waiting for the day I'd imprint because I_ knew_ it was inevitable. I hate everything imprinting is. That's why, no matter how badly I feel for you, I wasn't about to wait for you to come around to your feelings, or wait for you to turn me down. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't _wait _around for anybody when I moved to Hawaii. At some point I had to start doing things for myself."

While I could understand _that_, my heart was still a bit worried. Jacob kissed my head, cracking a smile to try and lighten things. "I thought I imprinted on you." My brows furrowed. "That night you came over to Becca's for dinner, I dunno, I had this weird feeling in my stomach. Who knows, maybe if I was still a wolf you would have been the one, but I'm so fucking glad I got to fall for you by my own will."

Feeling reassured, I blushed, rested my head back on his shoulder and breathed him in. "I had that feeling, too, in my stomach." I smiled. "It made me uncomfortable to be around you because of it."

Jacob chuckled, his breath on my hair, but made no move to reply, only to carry on the story.

"The pack had all imprinted by the time I made up my mind to leave so I could somehow prevent imprinting while I still could. There wasn't anywhere to go except Rebecca's. Me and my dad had no money, I couldn't just run off. I barely had enough cash from fixing cars for two plane tickets.

"Sam wasn't having any of it when I told him the night before I graduated. That was my dad's condition: he wouldn't let me leave if I didn't finish high school, but he was in support of me doing so. Anyway, like I said, Sam wasn't having it. He wasn't about to let me run off. I had to fight him to leave the pack. It was the only way he'd let me go if I beat him. I won, of course. I was meant to be Alpha, I was meant to be superior to him. I would have so much more damn control over him if I was still phasing."

His hint to that explained to me what had happened earlier, in layman's terms. They both seemed to have some weird, dueling power over the other.

"Embry was graduating with me the next night. None of the pack knew about my decision, I didn't want them to, not even Embry and he was my best friend. He saw how beat up I was from what happened with Sam, so 'course he asked questions. He was the only one beside me who hadn't imprinted, and when he worked out of me that I was planning on leaving the next night he asked to come with me. We didn't tell anyone. I made sure it was okay with Becca for me to come, but I never had the time to ask if it was cool if Embry did, too. I couldn't leave him. She was pissed, but it's impossible to hate the guy."

I smiled, nodding my head against his arm. It _was_ impossible.

"I wouldn't be back here if I hadn't stopped phasing. It would set me up for imprinting, and that was the whole reason why I ran. It's also why I didn't want Embry to come with us since he's still got the ability to phase. It would suck if it happened to him," Jacob sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm so damn paranoid about it."

I took to rubbing his arm, thinking that was the end of that as he rested his cheek on my head. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Jake." Silently, I hoped during our visit here he would let his past go, because I was slowly watching it tear him to pieces.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the delay. There'll probably be another one for the next chap. Soooo…how 'bout if it takes longer than a week to update, I'll send out teasers to the reviewers if you'd like one?_

_Until next time, whenever that may be :)_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Ch. 14**_

"I was thinking of making dinner tonight."

Over morning coffee and toast and newspapers, in the white kitchen lighted by daylight, I suggested my idea for the evening to Charlie. The happy eyes he frequently wore rose from the sports section of the _Forks Tribune_ to find mine. They narrowed, suspicious, as if he was on to something.

Those suspicions came voiced as, "Will Jacob be coming over? I'll still give him the protective father speech no matter how good your meal is." Charlie took a bite from his jellied toast, pointed it at me, and added, "But I can be convinced to keep away my guns."

An exhalation of air – sounding as a breathless laugh – left my lungs as I stilled, taken off-guard by his intending to give_ any_ sort of threat or talk to Jacob. I imagined the conversation to be something low-key, maybe a passing of a beer between the two sitting on a couch in front of a baseball game and a to the point threat of _Hurt my daughter and I'll hurt you_.

I smiled at what was now a vivid image in my brain, replying, "No Jacob"—my heart tugged, frowning—"just you and me; father and daughter." Ever since waking to Charlie's footsteps tapping down the creaking stairway steps, heavy eyelids opening from sleep to a cat perched across from my face, head tilted and staring at me like I was the oddest of things, I'd otherwise been allowing my sinking heart to drag me down because Jacob would be too busy with his family, driving up for a day in Seattle, and too busy tonight meeting with Sam and the others to squeeze in some time with me.

A day apart didn't have me _too_ optimistic about the day ahead, but I was the one who pressed Jacob to centralize his mind on what he came to do and who he came to be with. I would still be here at the end of the six days. Or however much longer he needed.

"Huh." Charlie's grunt, sounding like a semblance of surprise, brought me back. He wiped a hand at his shirt. "Well, what did you have in mind?"

Because Charlie was in the throes of adjusting his eating and drinking habits – one beer a day was the new limit – I wanted to make sure to feed him something warm and healthy and home-cooked as an alternative to the frozen cuisine packets stacked like a disordered bookshelf in his freezer. I replied, already having thoroughly thought this over, "Eggplant parmesan."

The arched eyebrow told me that wasn't what he'd hoped I had in mind. "Sure, sounds good, Bells." He nodded anyways, smiling as he took his plate of crumbs and crust and mug to the flooded sink. "I'll get off from my shift early so we can head out to the grocery store. Lord knows I don't have any of that eggplant stuff in my house," he added, smirking, taking his keys and jacket in one hand from the counter, slipping on his muddied work boots next.

I turned in my chair to watch him go, assuring, "It tastes like chicken. I'll make pasta, too."

"I'm holding you to that. See ya, kiddo. Don't get into too much trouble 'round here." Over his shoulder, he gave a wave and vanished behind the corner leading to the front door. I heaved a thankful sigh, because all morning – previous to our sit-down for breakfast – Charlie couldn't apologize enough for leaving me alone all day to work with no means of transportation. I was _stuck_. What felt like many hours later, following my instigating of him to go in with the upmost assurances of my being fine and handling a day all to myself in the little white house, I was able to convince him to go to work with not even a worry over me.

A day alone would be _fine_. No Jacob, no Charlie. _Fine_.

I soaked up the following silence.

My hands unthinkingly kneaded my stiff neck, head hanging forward and over the table. The couch hadn't been the coziest of beds, but I'd been so tired from the day of traveling and the night at the Blacks sleep had been immediate when I'd curled up in the same sweats and oversized-Jacob shirt my body still hid under. It smelled like him, too. I brought the fabric to my nose, eyes closing at the smell.

The delicious and very Jacob scent grabbed at me and planted me back into last night's scene, under the stars. Nothing changed between Jacob and I following the lengthy explanation of his past I now pitied; we still kissed goodbye and had the hardest of times letting go. What _had_ changed was how much more so I felt for him, my heart expanding beyond capacity.

Jacob had this look of lessening constriction written on his face as we stayed seated curled into each other on the porch, and I took it as his struggle in telling me no longer weighing down his shoulders. _We_ were okay – nothing problematic or unstable or questioning between us – but I could see there wasn't a look of completeeasement in his eyes.

I trusted him to leave this all behind, fix it or find peace, within the next six days.

With Jacob on my mind, I texted him a quick _Be safe tonight _and deleted the ending part of _Miss you_ to not put myself in the forefront of his thoughts. It had only been twelve hours since I last saw him, after all.

I took to clearing the sink of plates and the table of crumbs, knowing it was one of those chores Charlie liked to pretend didn't exist, and it would give me the means to _think_. In the middle of my questioning imprinting, trying to understand it with arms elbow deep in soapy water, two knocks from the front door drifted through the house, and I stilled.

With the nearest hand towel, I dried my hands and made a tip-toe walk towards the front door, because who could be around this early? Two more impatient knocks later, I stood even higher on my toes to squint out the peep-hole, expecting some uncertain and unrecognizable face I wouldn't dare unlock the door for. What I saw instead had my hands fluttering towards the handle and my heart assisting my lips into a smile and my cheeks into a blush.

_Holy crow_. "Jacob—"

My shriek was cut off by hands at my face and warm lips touching mine.

Our mouths mixed in a heart-pounding kiss until Jacob parted from me with a soft grunt. Words were back on my now-warmed tongue, my breath stolen. I leaned out from his hands, taking in air, and demanded, "Jacob…_what are you_ _doing here_? Please tell me you didn't ditch your family."

Two large hands fell to my hips, giving them a squeeze and slight nudge to move me, with him, deeper indoors. Jacob's eyes grew mischievous and his foot caught the door to close it from the drizzle of the clouds. "Only ditched 'em for a little," he grinned a wide grin, kissing me, his lips and tongue giving the softest of touches.

By his control, my body continued to move step by step back and back to some unknown destination. I gave a quiet moan when his teeth toyed with my lower lip and his fingers gripped rougher at my hips, yet unable to _completely_ give in to him as I typically would with the thought of his ditched-family fresh on my mind.

"Relax, Bells," Jacob urged with a chuckle, breathless, his nose nudging mine and his lips gone but still hovering. I found my back against the nearest wall and lights in Jacob's eyes as my fingers dug into his forearms. "I didn't ditch them, all right, honey? Rach and Becca are still getting ready. I told my dad I was taking the rabbit for a test-drive to see if it's working while we're waiting for the girls. You're my detour."

_Oh_. I allowed his words to spread a sense of ease through me and asked, "Rabbit?" while my body began to vibrate with the feel of his solid and muscular form pressing into mine, pinning me.

"An old car I fixed up when I was sixteen," he answered, voice tempting. "Looks like she's still working." I stood on my tip-toes to place shy kisses at his neck, his hand at my hair holding me there as he continued at a whisper, "I couldn't not come see you."

The hand in my hair tugged me from where I had ventured to at his jaw, tasting him with tongue and teeth, so that his own lips could discover my neck. I became light-headed and my eyes rolled to the back of my head at the first touch of him at my jugular.

My breath hitched as he growled softly once reaching my ear, "You look so sexy in my shirt," and my body gave a head-to-toe tremble as his hands slipped underneath it and to the skin of my sides. They wandered up, toward my naked breasts.

"J_a_ke…" The word – his name – came out like a warning, somewhere lodged on my tongue. He made a seductive 'hmmm' noise somewhere in his throat, his thumb brushing the underside of my right breast as he nipped at my neck. To stop him, I grabbed his arm of the hand touching me. I opened my eyes, asking while trying _not_ to arch into him, "Did you just stop by for…what? A quick screw?"

Both of Jacob's hands dropped from me, going to either side of my head, palms flat on the wall. I watched his head hang as he breathed a frustrated, "_Bella, _what—?"

I looked down to where my own hands had fallen and fingers had interlaced, mumbling a winced and interrupting, "Sorry." I was as frustrated as him, but _this_ wasn't what I had in mind for us.

Instead of accepting my apology, Jacob's head lowered to the side of my head. "What do you think we'd be doing now, if we were back home?" he whispered at my ear, taking it between his teeth. His forehead moved to rest on mine, defeated when I gave no reply but a whimper. "I just want you, honey. I feel like I've shut you down anytime you've tried this." I felt his hands come back to my hips, curling fingers following. "I already told you you're the one thing keeping me grounded. Being with you is the only thing I trust. I need that right now."

"Well now I'm shutting you down," I whispered apologetically, full of sincerity. I touched his arm. "I don't want it to be rushed and against the hallway wall of Charlie's home."

Through his eyes, I saw the wheels in his mind spinning. He sucked at his lower lip, possibly going for a pout. After deciding upon something, he kissed my lips and suggested, "All I'm asking for is a few kisses. Maybe groping hands." The _groping hands_ moved down my hips, to my ass and back up, a smirk on his face.

"So we're going to make-out like teenagers in the front entrance of my father's home?" I asked for clarification, running a finger along his jaw, down his neck.

"Yep." The smile he wore was wicked. "We have a good five minutes."

Those five minutes passed with a rise in temperature and wobbly knees. Afterwards, I was dizzy and wore swollen lips. As Jacob was leaving, I called out after him, "Be careful!" To the sound of his car pulling away, my phone beeped with his response, reading, _I'll text you after the meet-up. It'll be late, don't wait up._

I fell face first into the couch, toes tingling and a silly smile on my lips all until the paws of a cat began kneading at my back.

* * *

Charlie was home by five and we were at the grocery store by six.

The time in between was spent discussing our days. He talked about the pileup on the highway out of town blocking up traffic for miles; I talked about calling into work to check in with Laney and sitting out on the porch when a rarely-seen sun poked its head out from around the clouds for a good hour. I left out Jacob's early morning stop-by, but even with my tiptoeing around Charlie asked, "Did Jacob stop by?" that I responded to with a reminder of "He's with his family in Seattle." Giving a yes or no answer seemed wrong, especially after our conversation around the kitchen table this morning. I wouldn't lie to him.

"He can come over anytime he wants, Bells. Don't feel so bad about it. I trust you two."

He was good at picking up body language, but this was the last conversation I _ever _wanted. "Can we talk about something else?" I pleaded as we pulled out of the driveway, hiding my face in the window, hoping the chill seeping in from it would cool down the blood warming over my cheeks.

Charlie just chuckled, ended with, "This conversation would have gone a lot differently if you moved here at 17."

Inside the grocery store, with a cart and an ingredient list in hand, I turned to Charlie to discuss our plan of action. "I'll grab all the ingredients for the eggplant parmesan. Think you can handle tracking down some angel hair pasta and shrimp?"

To my lack of easement over sending him off with_ such_ an abundant task, Charlie joked, "Dunno, might get lost in here," and backed away, promising over his shoulder he _would_ manage to track down those two things, and if not, he'd send out the troops. In the car on the ride, following the Jacob-discussion, we agreed it best to divide and conquer for the ingredients. Both of our stomachs were giving off hungry growls since Charlie wasn't able to leave his shift early.

I set off down the nearest aisle, having no sense direction in the small-town grocery store appropriately named _Forks Food Store_. I was in the middle of deciding between Mozzarella and Provolone cheese—_both_ could be good with the eggplant, I decided—when the click of heels on walking feet approached me and the softest of voices asked, "Do I know you?"

As I faced the woman speaking to me, cheeses still in hand, my reply of _Probably not, I'm only visiting_ stayed lodged somewhere in my closed throat. She was _beautiful_, and I was speechless.

I stared, gaping, and she continued at an awed-whisper to where I left off, watching me with wide golden eyes, "You're Bella… Bella Swan, aren't you?" The look on her face was half a smile and half bewilderment. "I saw you coming."

I wasn't sure if I was flattered or freaked that she knew my name and seemed to know _me_. Still at a loss for words, I stumbled, "Wha—" only to be interrupted.

"Bells!" Charlie appeared from around the corner of the nearby aisle, holding a rectangular box of pasta in one raised hand and looking proud of it. His eyes caught the person standing in front of me, a smile spreading across his face, to his eyes, and what he said following caused my heart to desist from beating.

"Alice Cullen!" he greeted, walking towards the two of us. "Nice to see you!"

_Cullen_. I choked on an alarmed gasp of air. _Vampires_. My eyes grew in size, the connection sucking all the air from my lungs, a last thought of _Jacob_. I stumbled backwards, away from the woman, and predictably into stacked cans of peas where my foot caught the corner of the cart and I fell to the linoleum floor, to my butt, with only my shaky hands to catch my fall. A sharp pain shot up my left arm, the bone of my wrist connecting with corner of a metal stand and my pinky finger twisting very wrongly, and it clouded the _alert-alert_ sending off wailing sirens in my head.

Momentarily.

However, I still cried out in pain and felt tears sting and glass my eyes, because it _hurt_. I cradled my throbbing wrist and finger to my chest as Charlie darted to my side.

"Jeeze, kiddo, I thought you grew out of your clumsy stage." Not that I could see, but his voice told me of his conjoined humor and concern. I was busy biting my tongue, holding back the weak sobs, to give any sort of snarky remark.

I felt his touch near my wrist not seconds later. "No, no, no. Don't touch it." I pulled away from him, now biting my lower lip to fight off the pain shooting like multiple stings up and through my arm.

Charlie grunted something about needing to check to see just how badly I injured my finger and wrist. I sank further into myself.

Two cold as ice hands touched my skin next. They froze me to the bone, and I was incapable of moving, only staring wide-eyed at the pale skin and short-spiked brown hair only inches from my face. "It could be broken. You should take her to the hospital to see my dad, Charlie."

Jacob's voice from last night rang in my head. _One of them is a doctor. _

At least this time I was sitting down as one more wave of fear rushed through me and I gasped, trying to scoot away. "No!" My outburst was a bit over the top, and I was reminded no one but me knew of the two mythological families living in Forks, and I didn't want to give away my knowledge of that. "No… no hospital," I tried again, going for something calmer in my quavering voice, convincing, "I'm fine, really. It's just a-a…sprain… or maybe I just twisted it or bruised the bone and just bent my pinky…"

"I think we should take you, Bells, just to get it checked out. Looks like it's already swollen, and I can see the pain written all of your face."

_Darn it._

Two sets of hands helped me to my feet. I winced, hating to agree with their diagnosis of my injuries. I backed away from the _Cullen_ as soon as I was on two stable legs and closer to Charlie's side. It felt as if I was having some mild form of a panic attack because I was so busy trying to catch my breath and figure out how to handle this, because I had _no_ idea of what to do.

More pain chased away those thoughts. "Ouch," I whimpered, mostly to myself, trying to avoid the hospital and _more_ vampires at all cost.

"Bella—"

"No hospital," I cut him off, pleading with my eyes. "Can we just go home?" _Away_ from the vampire whose gaze is stuck on me. I was sickly reminded that for some reason she knew my name. Knew _me_.

I wanted Jacob here. I was lost and scared.

"It could be broken," Charlie argued. "Getting it checked out wouldn't hurt. Don't fight me on this one, kid."

Alice was looking at me oddly. I shrank further behind Charlie's arm and shoulder. She turned to face him, and whether I liked it or not, I couldn't stop thinking_ or_ staring at how beautiful she is. "I can call Carlisle and make sure he's the one who looks at her."

I interjected, "We should wait…24 hours to see if it gets better. That's what Renée always said."

"I can't believe you listened to your _mother_ about that," Charlie chuckled, lifting my elbow of the in-pain arm, inspecting it closer.

"Can we just go home?" I tried again.

"Let's go to urgent care, just to ease my mind, honey."

My arguing was pointless. The two continued as I sounded out everything to pain.

"I can come with you and make sure Carlisle sees her."

"Oh, no, that's too much to ask, Alice."

"It's no problem at all! Let me just call him. I can follow you two there."

I blindly walked—with Charlie's support—through the grocery store and to the car, wondering what I had gotten myself into.

* * *

"Can you call Jacob?"

I think I'd asked that question about five times now. We were waiting in the ER, my cell phone was at home, and all I wanted was Jacob since Charlie was so wrapped around Alice Cullen. She disappeared from my side for the first time since we entered the hospital to go find her 'father.'

"We'll call him as soon as we're done here."

I sighed and Charlie gave me a pat on the shoulder.

The pain had well resided in my wrist, but I was sure my pinky finger was broken. Not that I could tell, but not being able to straighten it told me something was wrong. My arm was numb, the pain faint. All I had to go on was my nervousness of being around the Cullens Jacob so fully hated. For some reason it made me feel as if I was betraying him by being here. I was at most well-relieved to know they didn't drink human blood.

A man in a white doctor's uniform as equally as white as his skin entered, and _holy crow_, he was beautiful, too. My heart rate picked up and I had half the mind to thank that I wasn't attached to one of those heart monitors.

Charlie eyed my dubiously as I began fidgeting.

"Chief Swan, it's good to see you. Sorry it's under these circumstances," the man greeted, smiling a flashy smile to Charlie as he stood in front of me, a clipboard in hand.

"Carlisle," Charlie nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Thanks for takin' a look at her."

"It's no problem at all." He turned to me, looking _friendly_. "You must be Bella?"

"Y-yes." I cleared my throat. "H-hi." Charlie's eyes were burning holes in my head. He was probably wondering why the heck I was so uptight.

"Alice gave me a brief summary of what occurred. We may need to take some x-rays to know the full extent of the damage." Delicately, he lifted my wrist. His facial expression remained the same throughout. "She said you fell?" I nodded, flushing. "I'll have a nurse come in and take you to an x-ray room. I'd like to say your wrist is sprained with no further damage. Your finger appears broken."

I nodded at the glum news.

He continued, "I'll have Nurse Kerry come in and to take you in for scans. Nice meeting you, Bella, and I hope to see you again, Charlie."

They shook hands, and as Carlisle walked away with a parting smile, Charlie whispered, hinting to me like he _knew_ something, "That guy never ages, I swear."

I sighed, cradling my arm. "I'm not attracted to him, Charlie." I could figure that was what he had pieced together about my reactions.

"You were acting awfully fidgety."

With my free hand, I rubbed my sore eyes and said flatly, "I'm in love Jacob." The nurse came before I realized what I'd revealed in a fit of frustration. It wasn't something I didn't_ already_ know, but I hadn't voiced it to anyone. I was still trying to figure out exactly what to do with the feeling.

I came back thirty minutes later with my finger splinted and a twisted—throbbing—wrist.

Outside in the drizzling rain, while waiting for Charlie who so graciously offered to fill out all the paperwork and pay, I used his cell phone to type in a memorized number. After seven calls and no answer, I left a message, pleading in frustration, "Jacob Black, where the hell are you? Call me. _Please_."

I continued calling until Charlie came out and drove us off, Alice Cullen waving us goodbye.

We ended up eating McDonalds that night.

* * *

_A/N: I just want to remind you guys of a certain hint I made in the author's note in chapter two. *cough* *shifty eyes* *cough*_

_I'm debating over doing another teaser thing for reviewers, only 'cuz I'm hoping to post once a week again. But if it happens to take me longer than a week and a half to post, I'll send out teasers!_

_Until next time! Thanks so much for sticking around and reading! :-)_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Ch. 15**_

"_Ugh_."

The following morning, after a night full of short sleeps, I couldn't resolve if it was the burning pain of my wrist and throbs of my pinky or Jacob's loud lack of returning my calls keeping me awake throughout the endless hours, but whatever it was, it made waking fifteen minutes ahead of Charlie easy.

But I was grumpy, and seeing the screen of my cell phone reading an ugly _No New Messages_ didn't help or uplift my fallen mood. Jacob's failed promise of texting me after the meet-up with Sam and the pack sent butterflies flapping in my stomach and reinforced my plan for the day ahead.

Something was wrong. If Jacob hadn't done something to contact me by now, something was wrong.

"Will you take me to the Black's on your way to work?" I asked Charlie as he came down the creaking stairs, meeting him at the kitchen table with a coffee and toast in hand, the two of us dressed and readied.

He gave a tilt of his head and a silent question in his tired eyes, saying something like _This early?_

"Jacob can drive me back. Later. He has a car," I explained, thinking that was causing worry-lines to crease on his forehead. The two cups of coffee I drank prior to this had me fully alert and a little jittery. "Could you call Billy and make sure he's awake and fine with it?"

I winced inwardly, hoping that wouldn't cause Charlie to question my motives, but it wasn't as if I could ask _Jacob_ to double check with his father if my coming over was okay. More importantly, I was betting on Jacob being asleep in his bed and having a dead cell phone and_ home_ so I wouldn't be sitting in the Black house unaccompanied.

The shrug of Charlie's shoulders was followed with a smiled "Yeah, sure, why not? I'll give him a call after breakfast." After his first bite of toast as we sat around the table, he asked, "How's your finger?"

I held it up for inspection. Through the sides of the small splint on my pinky, I could see bruised skin. "Hurts."

Charlie stood and returned to set a bottle of Aleve next to my plate, telling me to "Take two of these." We ate breakfast in silence and took the early drive down to La Push in silence, too. When we arrived, three minutes after seven and with the rising sun, I was more fed up than anything else. Jacob had to be home. Being out with the pack for seven hours seemed unreasonable.

My lips pressed into a thin line as Charlie walked me inside. I was going to smack him well and hard.

"Mornin', Chief," Billy's voice greeted us from the kitchen to the sound of his squeaking front door opening and closing. We moved deeper into the hushed house, taking in the scene of the wheel-chaired man struggling to get the glass can of pickles from the top shelf of the fridge. Charlie went to help as he added, catching me from his gaze, "Mornin' to you, too, Bella."

I smiled politely and, going for nonchalance, asked, "Is Jacob here?"

"He's on back in his room," he grunted, gruffly, and urged, "Go on."

Even though the words should have relieved me, I felt tears prick my eyes. I stayed in place, shocked, my feet only carrying me down the hallway before either of the two men could ask me what was wrong. With only a gentle touch of my fingertips, I pushed open Jacob's already cracked door to find it…empty. The strangest rush of relief and distress conjoined into one confusing feeling at the place between my stomach and heart.

I leaned against the doorframe to take a calming breath of air. His scent filled me.

As soon as I heard Charlie leave and the crying hinges quiet, I reappeared from Jacob's room and into the living room where Billy sat next to the couch. Thinking Jacob must've slipped out without his knowing, I told him, "Jake's not in there."

Billy nodded, watching me as I moved to stand in front of him, arms crossed and hugging at my torso. "Yup. I know. Didn't want to say anything in front of your Dad." _Oh_. I frowned. "He hasn't been back since he left to meet up with… everyone."

I swallowed, stuffing my shaky hands in my pockets as my mind ran through _all_ the possibilities of things that could have happened to my Jacob. "Is that bad?"

"It ain't good."

I sank into the couch, sitting straight and forward and upright. "Should we do something?" The worst of my fears was him phasing and going into a state of self-loathing. I saw firsthand how filled with rage those men made him. My fingers tapped on my knees unnervingly. I felt useless.

Billy's answer was a simple "We wait."

I was so used to waiting, but waiting for _this_ was torture.

One hour and two reruns of Golden Girls later, the door opened and in walked Jacob. I sat up impossibly straighter, practically standing, and took in the look of complete defeat on his expression. I gasped when the light of the door revealed what all was on his now battered face. He paused after turning, when his eyes caught mine. We shared a look—mine full of horror—as he continued down the hallway with a set jaw and sad eyes, only giving a nod of his head to acknowledge us.

Stunned by what I saw, it wasn't until the loud sound of a door shutting did I jump to my feet to go after him with Billy's encouraging "Go on after him." Jacob's bedroom door was still opened as I'd left it. I stood in front of the closed bathroom door, concluding he was in there.

"Jake?" I took the handle in my hand, not giving him anytime to reply. He was hunched over the sink, hands planted firmly on the tiles, head hanging. Blood dripped down from his nose to form little pools on the granite tops. The water was running, soaking a white hand towel beneath it. Up his arms, muscles twitched. He didn't turn to face me.

I shut the door for privacy and tried not to sway from the smell of blood in the air.

Jacob's hand turned off the faucet—the knuckles of it bloodied and swollen—and took the wet towel in his hand. I gave him a once over, and from his head to toes he was a mess. It was hard to battle off the tears in my eyes, seeing that all _this_, all he left behind, had finally gotten to him, but the one reason I blinked them away and stopped the quivering of my lower lip was because it would be a crime to kick him while he was down. I knew the last thing he wanted was to read the pity in my eyes. He wouldn't even let me _see_ him fully.

To not feel useless, I stepped to his side as he began pressing the towel to his beaten face and the dried splotches of blood. I touched the forearm in use, curling my fingers into his skin. "Ja-ke—" my voice broke but I cleared it away, my heart hurting for him—"let me do that," I finished at a whisper.

His hand lowered slowly, his dark eyes holding mine in the mirror, but he made no other movement.

I took the cloth gently from his grip, placing a kiss at his palm as I lifted it. "Sit down."

My eyes didn't leave his until he took the three steps to be seated on the closed toilet seat. I ducked to look in the cabinet beneath the sink for a first-aid kit, pleased when I found one waiting. I used that moment with my head and face hidden away to let out a shuddering breath, close my eyes to all the more tears, and regain my composure before standing.

Jake's head was rested back against the wall and his swollen eyelids shut. I stepped in between his parted knees, towel in hand and first aid kit set aside. Before cleaning up the mess, I took in the ugly marks covering Jacob's beautiful face marred by someone else. His lower lip was split, his chin red and bruised. Both eyes wore puffy black and blue lines beneath them and his left cheekbone was swollen to the size of a golf ball. The last of the injuries was his nose dripping blood. I couldn't tell if it was broken or not.

I breathed through my mouth and used the cloth to wash and scrub with gentle touches at the blood down his face. As I did so, I felt two warm hands rest at the backs of my thighs, underneath the swell of my bottom. His thumbs stroked back and forth but that was the only sort of sign or movement I received, but it was enough.

My free hand—the one with the sore wrist and splinted pinky finger—rested at his shoulder as I continued to work to clear away the blood. It took a few minutes to get the already dried stuff off his chin, and it took even longer of my holding the towel firmly to his nose for it to cease bleeding. Remembering his just as bloodied knuckles, I broke away from his hands and went back to the sink to rinse out the red-stained cloth for reuse.

The knuckles on his right hand were far worse than the ones on his left, telling me, _yes_, he was in a fight. I took my time cleaning each one, and placed kisses to his fingertips. I was back between his knees five minutes later with his hands now on my hips. From the first aid kit, I used the antiseptic to clean the wounds at his face and lip, as well as on the skinned knuckles of his right hand. I bandaged those up and applied some type of cream on his face, not sure of its use but thinking it could help.

When I was finished, I backed out from his touch to lean into the counter, arms hugging my middle. His eyes remained closed throughout my cleaning him up. The way his hands reached out for me told me he was awake, the occasional wince on his lips adding to it.

I allowed a few tears to drip down my cheeks as I watched, feeling incapable of helping him and knowing it was only Jacob who could help himself. "Whatever it is you're doing you can stop," I told him, hiccupping on the emotions in my throat. "You don't have to prove anything to these people, Jacob. You left them behind a long time ago."

One eyelid cracked open to take me in as he whispered, "Bells—"

I cut him off. "Please just stop, Jacob. Let this go."

The following silence was heavy and stiff. I wiped away the few tears on my cheeks.

I took his nearest hand when he didn't reply, interlacing our fingers so he knew I wasn't mad with him, and held it to my cheek. "You should rest."

"Sure sure."

* * *

With Jacob in his bed and my hands unable to stay still, I went back into the empty bathroom to clean up the mess and save Billy the trouble. Something was making me feel nauseous. I blamed it on the blood-rust aroma all over the tiny room and why it was becoming hard for me to breathe.

I scrubbed it from the tiles, from the sink, and rinsed the cloth thoroughly and repeated the scrubbing but it wouldn'tgo away. Suddenly those tears were back in my eyes and all I felt was overwhelming frustration. My feet carried me into the living room, to where Billy sat, with the need to ask him where the bleach was so I could erase all signs of what happened in the bathroom.

Before I could say anything, Billy turned to me. The look on his face was similar to the one on mine, both unreadable and a mask. We shared a silence until he asked, "How is he?"

His question was loaded, because for once I didn't know how Jacob was feeling. Or what he was experiencing. I shrugged, lowering my eyes down to the carpet. "Someone sure got to him."

"I bet it was Paul," Billy cursed under his breath, the words to the sound of the wheels of his chair squeaking. He was at my side and took my hand in his clammy one to give it a comforting squeeze. "He'll be okay. He's real strong."

I nodded, knowing how true that was. I sucked in a deep lung full of steadying air. "Is it me?" Not only was it made clear by Sam that I shouldn't have known their secret, but _not_ being from the tribe where Jacob's father was chief had to mean something, as well. I wasn't sure how deep and cherished those little things were woven into the Quileute tribe.

"Maybe. Maybe not," Billy responded, meeting my gaze. "There's a lot of other crap, too, and there's only a few things he'd risk getting in a tussle about. I think I have an idea. Don't worry yourself."

"But…are you…are you okay with Jacob and me?" _His_ opinion mattered most. I would try not to care about anyone else's other than Billy Black's, but I found a small assurance that my being with Jacob wasn't what had caused the mess on his face and knuckles while also feeling a sense of nausea that something _did_ cause it.

"Of course I am," he grunted. "As much as I wanted him to live the life he was born into here, I wasn't going to disapprove of him leavin' and doing things the way he wants to do them. Life's too short."

I smiled softly and shoved my hands in my pockets. Over my shoulder, I looked deeper down the hallway. "I think I'll go lay with him."

"Holler if you need anything."

In Jacob's room, to the sound of his soft snores, I slipped out of my clothes, into one of his shirts, and curled up next to him under the sheet, needing some sleep of my own.

It was four p.m. the next time I opened my eyes. A rush of alert crawled through me, and the first form of a thought in my sleep-heavy mind was Jacob's beaten face. The arm slung over my waist, pinning me, told me of his presence. I felt his breath fan across my forehead.

I touched our noses together and took him in. The wreckage on his face was significantly less than what it had been seven hours ago, the sight of it appeasing the alert within me worrying over his well-being, but the ugly bruises of different sizes and different colors were a stark reminder. My arms crept around his neck and my hands buried in his hair, afraid to touch anywhere else on him that could be hurting.

Somewhere between Hawaii and La Push I fell in love with Jacob Black. I wanted to yell it to the world. First, I had to get the words off my tongue and share it with him and _trust_ this consuming feeling to be love.

I was halfway through mental preparations when Jacob let out a groan of discomfort, his face conforming into a wince of pain showing through his sleep. Reluctantly, I pulled myself from the bed to go retrieve the washcloth from the bathroom. I rinsed it under cold water and returned back to Jacob's room, sitting crossed-leg at his side and pressing the parts of his injured face with the cloth, hoping the chill would somehow soothe the ache. His forehead was burning.

I thought it incredible for his face to be healed this much and wondered if this was the type of thing he mentioned with the accelerated werewolf healing. He must still have enough of it in his blood for this kind of progress.

Because of the warmth coming off of Jacob, it was inevitable to keep myself from cozying up into him as the minutes passed and the cloth drew warm. My eyelids grew heavy. I shifted so I could lean my head on his abdomen and curl on my side with my knees tucked close to him, and as I did so, I felt his arm encircle my hip and grip me, telling me I had woken him with my rustling. Jacob's same hand moved upwards to brush the hair from my face. I forced my eyes open to see him smiling a sleepy smile and looking right at me.

I stayed where I was, burrowing closer, letting him know we can go back to sleep as his hand continued to work through my hair. Eventually I caught his calloused hand and held to my cheek when the option of sleep seemed gone and tilted my head just so to place kisses at his palm.

From his chest, a hummed and rough _mmm _resounded. "Hey, honey," he greeted to my blinking eyes. The washcloth was disposed on the pillow I had been sleeping on, a wet stain left behind. I tucked my toes beneath it as my head rose and fell with the breaths entering and leaving his chest.

Before I could say or do anything, Jacob drew my face and body closer with his arms around my waist so that he could kiss me, a hand at the back of my head.

I felt the current of it run through my body and to my toes as I kissed him back gently, remembering his split lower lip. It was short but sweet, enough so that his taste was left on my lips as I pulled away. "Are you okay?" I asked with my head hovering above his, pushing myself up and onto my hands, not wanting to put too much of my weight on his chest for fear of _that _being hurt, too.

In his eyes was the same sadness he wore in the bathroom as I fixed him up. He stroked my cheek. "Will be," he promised.

As he leaned upwards for another kiss, I lifted my head further away, asking, "Do you want to talk about it?" because I knew he would let the subject slide. Sometimes we didn't have to say anything, but I wasn't about to let him get away with this.

"Yeah, probably should." Jacob sat us upright, his face puckering, and made a move to stand after kissing my forehead. "Be right back, honey, then we'll talk."

I nodded, swallowing as his eyes roamed up my naked thighs, staying there, as he stood to leave the room. I adjusted his shirt over my legs, realizing it was bunched all the way up to my hips.

I picked at the quilt thrown at the end of the bed and waited.

A minute later he was back with a glass of water and swallowing down three pills of Tylenol. He offered the glass to me and I took a gracious sip. Jacob sat back against the headboard and, tugging at my wrist, positioned me over him so that I was straddling his hips and sitting in his lap.

Jacob settled his hands at my thighs as I traced a finger along his jaw. He seemed lost at where to begin, so I supplied, "Billy mentioned something about Paul?" I'd heard that name twice—once when Jacob gave me the quickest of summaries about all the members of the pack, and once more when Rebecca brought up Paul and Rachel's relationship. I had a hint at where this might be going.

I watched his lips form a thin and bitter line. "Yeah. Paul." He looked beyond my head, focusing on the wall. "We've never gotten along, so I guess I should have seen it coming. He made some comments to me and… I lost it."

I gave an understanding and slow nod of my head to his hissed words. I rested my good hand over one of his.

"We all met up a few hours after midnight," he carried on. "Some of the guys didn't want to show up but Sam wanted them all there. Things went pretty damn well at first. It wasn't until most of the guys cleared out that Paul started going off on me."

"What did he say?" I questioned afterwards, giving his hand a squeeze.

Jacob's jaw locked, but his grip on me remained ever soft. "He accused me of abandoning my father, for starters, and questioned my loyalty to the tribe and what a disgrace I am for leaving when I'm meant to be the next Chief."

Knowing those were the two things Jacob struggled with most, my heart gave a thump and began hurting for him. I whispered, "Why would he say those things?"

"Ever since I left for Hawaii, Rachel has been living here and taking care of my dad. She's Paul's imprint, and I guess he's been helping her with him and thinks that makes him better than me, like I didn't spend all my childhood doing the exact same thing on my own when my mom died and my sisters left."

The many times Jacob had talked about his father, I had never heard this volume of tiredness in his voice. Never once did he complain to me about those years he had to take care of his handicapped father, but now I could see how burned out and the toll it took on him to do so. I sympathized with him.

"And Paul's always been bitter 'cuz I was meant to be Alpha and not him. He's third in line after Sam and probably sees it as an opening to be the next Chief if Sam doesn't take it if I don't move back. I can understand why they're all pissed at me and Embry for leaving. But they just don't fucking get it. It doesn't change my loyalty to my tribe," he argued, all muscles tensed and all the more anger rising in his tone.

I mollified him by asking, "Why does his opinion matter then, if _you_ know how loyal you are to your tribe?"

The following look on his face was piercing and sharp, but when he came up with no response, it transformed into something pensive. "I don't really know, Bells," he sighed, taking his hands from me to fist them in his hair. "I guess I've always felt like I've had to prove something to them, especially since I left."

I removed his hands from his hair, placing them back at my sides, and tilted my head forward to kiss him. "You don't," I whispered against his lips, deciding to end the subject with those words, and hoping he'd be able to think this over fully and let go.

We kissed for a few more seconds, between them I told him, "I'm glad you're okay." Soon the feel of him between my legs was beginning to drive me wild. Jacob broke from the kisses first, resting his forehead on mine and taking my upper thighs in his hands.

"What happened?" he asked eventually, removing a hand to gently lift and trace around the splint on my pinky.

Despite the touches being innocent, I became increasingly aroused. My face flushed and I rushed into telling him, pulling my hand back. I blurted, "I fell."

Jacob cracked a smile, and I debated whether or not to put more worry within him where none could fit. I could figure talk of me running into the Cullens wouldn't settle well on top of all else, but lying to him would never be an option.

"Charlie and I were at the grocery store last night to get food for dinner," I began, twisting my fingers together. "And I…ran into a Cullen." My gaze rose to meet Jake's. "Alice," I clarified when I saw question in his eyes. "And then…Carlisle. I was so scared that I tripped and fell and hurt my left hand. I tried calling you."

"Dunno where my phone is."

"Oh." I frowned. "Well. Charlie took me to the hospital…and the doctor, Carlisle, looked at me…"

I felt him shaking—theorizing mentally it was out of anger—but when I looked back to his face and with all the surprise in the world, Jacob was _laughing_. "Damn, Bells," he chuckled and took my waist in his hands. "Two days in Forks and you've already attracted the vamps. Hell, what am I gonna do with you?"

My lips tugged with a pout and I blushed all down my cheeks and neck, mortified, about to rebut but was cut off by a more serious Jacob leaning to my ear, touching his lips to it, and whispering in a low pitch, "You're mine, you know that, right?"

A shiver went through my body from a combination of the way his words were whispered and the touch of his lips moving across my jaw to capture mine. He breathed fire into my belly. The touches of our lips only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough to drag the "I love you" from my throat as it ended, and an added "I know" to being his.

Jacob drew back from me with eyes as wide as my own, and once the shock dispersed, he buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist to hug me closer. "Oh, honey. I love you too. So much, Bells."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, honey." Down my neck, his lips traveled. His hands went up the back of my shirt, and I arched into him.

I was distracted from saying anything else or wrapping up the moment in a memory, because through the thin fabric of the shirt I was wearing, Jacob's lips latched onto my right nipple.

"Jake…" I heard his name fall from me as my eyes rolled shut. "We're alone. Right? No one is home?"

Back at my ear, with a soft growl to his words, he whispered, "Take off your shirt; it's just us, honey."

The response to my disturbance of being walked in on was enough for my hands to free from his hair and reach hurriedly for the hem of the oversized shirt falling to my thighs, straddled on either side of his waist. I tugged at it, rushing to have his handsall over me, and lifted my arms well above our heads to toss the item to the ground where his own shirt pooled. Underneath, I was naked with only a pair of warmed-through panties from how wet his words and kisses had me. I lowered my hips down to his, seeking for the relief needed at my center.

Jacob's two hands replaced my shirt, tracing my now freed skin, squeezing and digging at my hips, at the dip of my waist, and finally to the swells of my breasts. As his thumbs brushed my hardened nipples, I squirmed in his lap, feeling the current from his touch go straight to my untouched clit and moaned with my head thrown back. "J_aa_ke."

"It's been too long, honey."

I nodded in agreement as his lips took advantage of my exposed neck and mixed kisses with teeth and tongue. His grip lowered to my ass, fingers sneaking below the fabric. I balanced my injured hand on his shoulder, the other feeling along the delicious muscles down his torso and cursing the way _one_ hand can be used on him but not two.

Suddenly Jacob had a hand beneath my underwear, cupping my center, and tracing a finger along my wet slit. The caresses brought a moan from low in my throat and my eyelids slipped shut. "I really need you right now, Bells."

As I felt him tense to move away, I held the wrist of his hand touching me to keep him there. "I love you," I repeated, hoping my words and the way I pressed my hips down to his finger and breathed a moan would be enough of my permission for him to carry on and for this to go further.

He smiled and told me, "It's so damn nice hearing you say that," while slipping his same finger deep inside me.

"_Jacob_…"

It took two of his fingers within me and his thumb circling my clit to bring me to an orgasm. As I came down, my pussy clenching around him, I reached for the tie of his sweatpants as Jake's hand fisted in the back of my hair and brought my lips to his for a kiss. We had them off not moments later, and as I moved to straddle him once more, his hard cock pressed into me.

"Get out of these, Bells, honey," Jacob groaned. He tugged at my underwear and repositioned his hands at my breasts as I shimmied out of the item, my fingers and toes still tingling from my orgasm.

I took his heavy erection in my hand once completely naked, loving the sound from his lips and the roll of his eyes going into the back of his head.

I sank down on him and was sure this was love.

* * *

_A/N: I'd love it if you'd review :-) And, as always, if it takes longer than a week for the next update, I'll send out teasers!_


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